The Best Trucker Hats (In no particular order)
1."The Nets Are Gonna Win It All"
Are you sick of wearing your tight-ass Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen T-shirts? Well you can air out your pecs and still boast your Jerseyism by wearing this fine hat that isn't shy to say, "If you mess with me, I'll go home, lift weights, come back the next day and burn the place down." Nothing embodies New Jersey better except for a fat man who obsesses about his 6 by 10 foot front yard. Wait...you don't like the hat? So you think you're better than me?
2. "The Eternal Question"
But seriously, who farted? This hat is quintessential for everyday life. It's the only question that I can think of that comes up everyday. Are you a prominent businessman who's too classy to say the word "fart"? Well then strap on this badboy and let your forehead do the talking Mr. CEO, cuz this hat is all about getting down to bizznazz, no messing around.
3. "The Trucker's Shema"
No one rides for free in the life of a trucker. Everyone's gotta pay up a little here and there, and this hat is all about letting you know the rules before you hitch a ride with Billy Bob. It also shows us a deep psychological analysis of trucker priorities. It seems getting laid is first, getting high is second, and getting the money for the sex and marijuana comes last. Life on the road leaves no time for diddly-daddling.
4. "Wish You Were Here"
Nothing is more Trucker than wearing a hat for a distant beautiful place that you've bever been to. A Trucker's life is one of asphalt and Hardees, not Maui and Miami. So the truckers only solace is taking off that hat before he goes to bed at night and imagining a world of lush tropical weather...all from the front of a trucker hat. Now that's beautiful.
5. "El Sombrero de Truckero"
Roughly translated to "My Mother is my life," this trucker hat shows us the sensitive side of the man behind the sixteen wheeler. Every trucker has a little momma's boy in him thanks to all that masterbation and country music. And it seems that trucker hat fashion has crossed the border to our southern amigos. !VIVA EL SOMBRERO!
6. "L"
The beauty of this hat is that it has endless possibilities. THE L CAN STAND FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT! So your name is Lenny eh? This hats for you. You live in Loiusiana? This hats for you. You've got Lou Gehrig's disease? Then put this baby on and don't stop a rockin cuz the L hat is designed for maximum usage for infinite purposes.
7. "A Piece of History"
Nothing is more out of style than a trucker hat. Except a Trucker hat for a now defunct sports team! The Hartford Whalers fit the bill perfectly for this occassion but if you're not from the New England area it can be easily interchanged with: The Houston Oilers, The Winnipeg Jets, The Quebec Nordiques, The St. Louis Spirits, The Atlanta Black Crackers, The L.A. Rams, and comming soon...The Montreal Expos!
8. "The American Dream"
No matter how bad life gets, there's always welfare. So let everyone know about. Let your fellow Americans know it's ok for them to not have jobs and live off welfare checks. I mean...that's what America is for anyway right? All the people that other countries don't want. So show that you're lazy and proud. Cuz if you aren't proud, what the hell are we fighting for?
9. "Love on the Open Road"
In the hectic life of a trucker, there is little time for hotel rooms and champagne. It's all about the High Life and the backseat baby. Millions of people have been concieved in backseats, so this hat is for all, especially all those high school kids out there trying to cop a boob for the first time. Take a lesson from Jimbo and hit the backseat, it's your ticket to panty peninsula.
10. "The Classic"
This is the materialization of the trucker hat. Nothing says "I'm Number One" like the foam front of a trucker hat. NOTHING. Will Ferrell knew a classic when he saw one, so don't hesitate to point to the hat if someone gets out of line. This one is all you need friends.
Keep on Truckin