Rules of Engagement

If you’re engaged or plan to be, you’re likely busy with many logistical details – planning the ceremony and reception, arranging the honeymoon, looking for a place to live. Amid all that busyness, however, you need to know God’s rules of engagement. You won’t find it in a Samuel Jackson movie or a military handbook. You need to take the time to talk as often as you can with your future spouse. The time you invest now should pay
great dividends once you’re married. There are three rings to a typical marriage – the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. But if you follow the following rules of engagement according to the wisdom of God, you can give that third ring the finger and kiss it goodbye:

* Pray together, asking the Holy Spirit to help you begin a lifelong process of growing together mentally, physically, and spiritually and do your best to glorify God in your marriage by loving your spouse as yourself.

* Accept the differences in the ways God has wired each of you, and seek to complement each other. Realize that no two people will think exactly alike, but that they can work to understand each other and build agreements that are mutually acceptable. Respect each other, and be willing to set aside your personal agendas in favor of God’s will for you both as a team.

* Do you each have full access to information about the other’s income and expenditures? Have you devised a joint budget? Will you both tithe and give offerings generously to support your church and ministries, putting God FIRST?

* Have you met your future in-laws and other members of your future spouse’s family? Have you each shared your family histories, including both positive and negative information, and considered how that might affect your marriage?

* Have you met each other’s closest friends? How do you expect to forge new friendships as a team with other married couples? How much time do you want to devote to friends, both separately and together?

* Talk about the talents God has given each of you. How would you like to use them to serve others, and how can your future spouse encourage you to do so? Remember that your marriage isn’t just about your personal happiness – it’s a vehicle through which God can work in awesome ways to bless others.

* Talk about fidelity and commitment. Strive to approach your marriage out of purity, and pray for God’s grace to help you do so. Do not live together before marriage; that decision erodes the love and respect God wants you to have for each other before your marriage even begins. Have you discussed how committed you are to following God and relying on His strength in your marriage?

* Can you both distinguish between love and lust? Do you know how your future spouse feels about his or her body, and what desires he or she has? What are some ways you can celebrate the love God has given you for each other through the wonderful gift of sex in marriage?

* Do you both sense a calling to have children, and if so, how many? If you have children, how will you adjust your priorities to fully invest in them? Do you want to use birth control, and if so, what type? Will you both get a complete physical exam before marriage? Will the children attend Christian school or home school?

* Talk about faith and the pre-eminence of God in your life together. Have you fully shared with your future spouse why your faith in God is important to you, and how you’ve experienced the goodness of God working in your life? Where will you attend church? Will you pray together, meditate and Bible study regularly? Will you both watch Christian TV much more than secular TV? How will you support each other’s spiritual growth, emotional needs and ministry efforts?


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