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The Kevin Chew Chronicles!!!

Issue Four-play

Welcome to Chronic Four-play.
Anticipation Moment-staring at the showerhead and waiting for that first spurt of cold water to chill your bones

Footnote: Too bad it took me 20 years to figure out I can turn the shower on before I step in

Things That Make me Dumb:

1. It took me 25 years to realize that subways run on a schedule and don't just appear at random times

2. I still think stereotypes are true (Aiwa)

3. I have been playing cards religiously for 4 years now and I still ask what the rules are

Things That Make Me Smart:

1. I wear glasses

2. I am Chinese

3. It only took me 17 years to find my reason for living

You're a Natural Born Actor If You Got Away With:

1. Passing gas and blaming it on someone else

2. Being lost for an hour while convincing everyone you know where you are going

3. Stinking up the bathroom and blaming it on the guy before you (I am definitely in the right profession)

My Shining Moment

After a night of running the Beruit Table, I awake with a slight hangover. No problems yet, until the hour long subway ride home. I was so nauseus that when Dan started talking to me, all I could do was move my lips and mouth the words due to the fear of vomit slipping out with my voice. Needless to say, I made the entire ride spill free. Seconds after exiting the subway, I do the "slow-mo it's gonna blow" walk and splat! Out comes twizzlers and OJ. And now we are ready for breakfast...

Laughter Hides All

So we're at the Diner and off goes Dan to the bathroom. Good friends we are, I dip a pickle in his water and start swizzling around. Chris decides that is not enough so he takes his half bitten pickle and squeezes the juice into his cup. We spot Dan coming back so we quickly hide our laughter and wait for the first funny thing for Dan to say to let our laughter loose. He starts talking about how dirty the bathroom was, in a joking manner, and we just explode with the "I'm not laughing at you" giggle while he is sipping his water and complaining it tastes like metal. He keeps talking 'cause he thinks he is the funniest guy in the world and we are his greatest audience. I guess the real lesson here is not to eat or drink anything free at the diner. Just imagine the giggles going on with the busboys after you eat that free cookie...or coleslaw, pickle, water, mint, and yes, even the surf and turf.

Humble Moment:

when your finger rips through the toilet paper mid-wipe

Words That Make You Me

This Means I'm Getting Older

Closer