Yes, the Chronic title means I am single again so men...hide your women, the Asian Sensation is back. I am back to make all men with girlfriends wish they were bachelors again. Life is great not because I have no woman stress but also because I have no work stress either. The Holiday season brings out the best in everyone, which means you can do absolutely no work and no one will care.
It seems everytime I try to get out, they pull me back in! But that's a good thing. My hopes have been down recently in regards to my aspiring acting career but as the Movie Gods toy with my destiny, I was lucky enough to get two auditions on one day (even though I haven't gotten ONE in a month).
Call #1:
It was for a theatre show which sounded great until they asked me to prepare 16 bars of music. I can sing but only in the shower or at a concert where no one can hear me. I could have faked it with my "Phantom of the Opera" song but it would have been an ugly sight if they asked me to read sheet music so I had to cut my losses.
Call #2:
This one was for eyeglass models. It sounds like something I can handle so I made my way to the audition on the one day that I wish I could stay in my office all day (Freakin' Frigid Monday). When I get there, the first thing I do is stumble into the office because there is a one stepper at the entrance I didn't see but I put on a good show for all the other hot female models to smile at. So after waiting around and pretending I am a "model", they call me in and the first thing I say is that I am willing to cut my hair or do whatever they want (something my agent told me to say). I try on a pair of glasses and the casting director writes the word "TEAM" on my headshot. What the hell does that mean? Something good I hope. So they take 3 pictures of me and send me on my way. And now we wait...
Look at me! I am a snowman dressed up as a witch (or a chimney cleaner)...in a bucketNothing makes a party like a great spread (in more ways than one. wink, wink). This past weekend, I endured an hour and fifteen minutes subway ride into Astoria to be delighted with hot rum cider, whiskey egg nog, delicious dips, and stinky cheesebreath for all the ladies. At one point, Chris asked me to eat some dates and my quick goat thinking told me to eat everything else but that. When asked why, I exclaimed that they make you poop like grandma on prune juice. That is when Part Asian Mike realized why he had the shits for 3 days. He was recollecting a story about when he tried one and just didn't stop. It was at that moment his Poop Mystery was solved by my refusal to eat dates. After that, Chris dared me to eat random mixtures of snacks and it was his comment of "I love hanging out with you for this reason" that kept me eating and eating. So all in all, I had no dates and have no date.
At the past 2 parties that Dan has attended, he has managed to lean on the stove both times and accidentally turn on the gas burner. It if wasn't for me, his ass would have caught on fire and we would all have a great story to tell. Now his ass belongs to me (non-gay poke)
.Screwed again by the MTA! The fare hike is official but that is besides the point. Can't they at least get a clue! I was on my way to work when I read the dry erase board behind the token clerk saying "No Manhattan bound trains." No big deal, I'll just take the train back one stop to go forward, like I have been all month. But this time, when I get to the platform, an MTA worker approaches me and tells me that there is "probably" no train coming. I start asking him questions and adding the fact that the sign said there where no trains going the other way and he said "I know as much as you do." Then why are you telling me there are no trains coming! As I am trying to make some logic out of his MTA lies, a manhattan bound train comes and I have to race to the other side of the platform (with my heavy bag of office gift nonetheless). I luckily make it in time but GODDamn! Why do they have to make my life so difficult...especially in the morning, when bad starts equal bad finishes?
Closer...Even though I am in a new office, I still use the old bathroom. Why?..because I am afraid of being the one who always stinks up the bathroom in the new building. So now that there is no air freshner in the old bathroom, I can still walk away Mr.Innocent and hide in my new office.
UPDATE...I used the new bathroom and it looks like my bases are covered...there is a kitty litter bin near the toilet so I can always blame it on the cat (but there is no air freshner in there either!)
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