X-Files/Angel
Pairing: Cordelia/Alex Krycek
Companion story to Loving the Dark
Rating:PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.
Summary: Alex has doubts about his relationship with
Cordelia.
Distribution:Want it, take it, just tell me
Feedback:Please!
Spoilers: Um let's see, none really. Angel is around season 2 or so but
AU The
X-Files is sometime around the middle of the series.
homepage: https://www.angelfire.com/dragon/seeker0
Cordelia Chase.
She wasn't exactly the type of woman that he expected to fall in love
with. Then again, Alex Krycek had never really expected to fall in love at
all. She was an ex-cheerleader,
and ex-spoiled little rich girl.
Actually he had to admit that she was still pretty spoiled. She could be incredibly superficial, but
from what Alex had heard, she use to be much worse.
She also had a brightness to her.
Her smile was like the sun shining. Cordelia had a innate goodness to
her, that Alex knew he had never possessed himself. She fought the good fight; helped her friendÕs triumph over
evil; and all of those other clichˇs.
For all of her flaws, Cordelia was most definitely on the side of
light. And Alex was completely in
love with her.
In
general Alex didn't think of himself as a bad man. He didn't think he could be compared to the type of evil
that Cordelia and her friends fought. Yes, he had worked for the Consortium, he
still did from time to time. Yes, he had committed many crimes. And, yes, he had even killed
people. But still, he believed he
was doing what was right.
Most of the time, anyway.
He
didn't do what he did for fun. He
didn't do it to seem cool. He certainly
didn't do it because of the money.
Mulder, for all of his paranoia, was still an idealist. He thought the public deserved to know
the truth about everything. Alex
simply couldn't agree with that.
The things he had seen, the things he had heard about....he truly believed
that people were better off not knowing. Mass panic, distrust, hysteria, maybe
even war. That's what the truth would
lead to.
Men like C.G.B. Spender might not be good men. He realized that not all the people he worked for did it out
of a sense of civic mindedness. Some of the men he worked for were selfish,
cruel, maybe even evil. Some of them
had a lot of blood on their hands.
Of
course, Alex had a lot of blood on his own hands. Sometimes it was more than he could deal with. He had killed people. If he was truly honest with himself, he
knew that some of than had probably been quite innocent.
Some nights Alex would lie awake after Cordelia had fallen asleep. He
would think about the things he had done, and he would wonder if maybe he was
exactly what Mulder thought he was.
Maybe there was an innate darkness to him, like Cordelia's innate light.
He
didn't tell Cordelia what he did.
He couldn't. It wasn't' safe for her to know, that's what he told
himself. And it was true, but it wasn't the reason he didn't tell her. He was afraid she wouldn't
understand. Or maybe that she would
understand too well. She would
probably hate him for what he did.
And if she didn't, that might be even worse. If Cordelia believed that the road he had chosen was the
right one, who was to say that she wouldn't follow it herself. The thought of
that scared him more than anything else.
He
loved her. Her loved her brightness. He loved her goodness. But those nights
when he stayed awake, when he allowed himself to admit what kind of man he
really might be, he saw the darkness that had consumed him over the years. And
more than anything, he worried, terrified that his darkness would consume her
too.
