Title: Undertow
Part of the Near Wild Heaven sub-series of the REM Song
Title Series
Author: Malana
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Joss, ME, ect own Willow. Warner Brothers owns
The West Wing, and they can force Sorkin out of his job, but everything
wonderful about TWW will always be his.
Spoilers: West
Wing: Up through the re-election, but Sam stayed. Buffy: AU after Season Six. Angel: AU after season 3. Cordelia never slept with Conner
and she never went evil.
with BtVS. Tara was murdered, Willow went evil, went to
England and recovered.
Distribution: Want it, take it, just tell me
Feedback: Please!
Note: I think I've finally got the order stories worked out.
If you want it, e-mail me off-list at
Malana@mac.com
When I got called into Toby's office, I knew something was wrong. I walked in to find that Sam and CJ
were already there. Quite frankly
I thought that Sam had screwed up something again. I never thought that it could be CJ who was in trouble.
I
mean, it's CJ. Sure, she's made
some mistakes, let us not forget the "the President is relieved" debacle. But if you compare her mistakes to the
things that Sam has done, or Toby, or the things that I've done, there's just
no comparison. CJ is the one who
yells at us when we screw up.
She's often the one who fixes our mistakes. She'll go do her thing in the press room, and everything
will be better.
I
don't' know who things are going to work this time. In all honesty, it isn't that huge of a story. She's done nothing wrong. Sure, Willow's a lot younger than CJ,
but she's an adult. The thing is,
with stories like this, there doesn't have to be a real issue. The tabloids will run with it, and most
of the main-stream press will to, though hopefully their articles will be a
little more tasteful. It isn't
even really a scandal, sure the radical right will attack us, but we'll be able
to fight them. The real issue is
whether or not the public will decide to care about it. If they do, the really issues will get
buried for a while. Instead of answering questions on our new crime bill, she's
going to be asked about her personal life.
CJ
is already one of the most visible members of the staff. This is just going to
make things worse. She doesn't
deserve this. I am worried about
the fiasco this might cause. But mostly I'm just worried about CJ. I was more
than a little surprised to hear
she was dating a woman. I was even
more surprised to find out that woman was Sam's cousin. But I don't care who she dates; I
certainly don't care if she's gay, or bisexual, or...whatever.
This shouldn't be a story.
It just shouldn't be. But
it's going to be. It's going to be
a thing, and we're going to have to deal with it. We're going to have to have some sort of reaction for the
press. This is probably going to
spark a debate on gay rights.
We're going to have to decide whether we want CJ in the briefing room
this afternoon, now that the story has broken.
I
somehow thought that if we won re-election things would get easier. We have nothing left to run for. I
thought we'd be able to take greater chances, and fight harder for our causes.
I thought we'd be able to care less about public opinion. We have three and a half years
left. We should be fighting important
battles. But I don't know if we're
ever going to get a chance to.
Don't get me wrong; we've accomplished some great stuff in the past
term. But I can't help but wonder how much more we could have done. I wonder what we could achieve if we
didn't keep getting bogged down by the petty politics of the political
world. Politics should be a
wonderful thing; it should be a system that everyone admires; it should be so
much greater than it is. I
love my job, I really do. There
are days, when I working on getting votes for bill, or advising the President
on something, when I really feel that I'm part of something extraordinary.
But there are times when I get so discouraged. There are times when I'm disenchanted with all of it, with
the press, with the public, with congress, with the President, even with
myself. I want to pursue grand
dreams. I want to fight the good
fight. Instead I have to figure
out a way to keep the press off of CJ's back. I'm so sick of these stupid little battles, these inane
things that people decide to care about.
Now CJ is going to have to deal with more invasion into her personal
life. God damnit, she shouldnŐt have
to deal with this shit. No one
should care who she's dating. It
shouldn't be an issue if the Press Secretary is gay. Hell, it shouldn't be an issue if the President was gay. It's not like CJ hasn't had enough to
deal with in the past year. Death
threats, Simon Donovan's murder, her father's Alzheimer's...she's had a tough
time, and she shouldn't have this added onto it. CJ's strong, she's amazing like that, but there's only
so much a person can take. And
it's not exactly like she has a low stress job or anything.
Whatever problems it's going to cause, I'm glad she has Willow. I don't know Willow really well; I've
just had drinks with her and the rest of the guys a few times. But I do know
that I like her. She's intelligent,
funny, and seems to care deeply about the world around her. Those are all words I could use to
describe CJ too. From what I saw
in CJ's eyes in those five minutes in Toby's office, she's crazy about Willow.
I
just hope that this thing doesn't destroy any of CJ's happiness. It's hard to maintain a relationship in
the world we live and work in. Our
lives revolve around the White House, and that can be hard. This White House has helped destroy two
of my friendsŐ marriages, it's ruined countless relationships for the rest of
us. When you add in the fact that
this relationship is going to be front-page news, things don't look good.
We're all fighting a battle to keep our heads above water. I have a bad feeling that one of these
days, one of us is going to get pulled under. There are only so many times you can cheat death. There are sharks all around us, and
soon, what little luck we have might just run out.
