Bernd das Brot

Bernd the Bread (or "Bernd das Brot" in German) is star of one of Germany's most popular TV series. The show has been running for about six years now.

Bernd is a tin loaf and always in a bad mood. He was designed as mascot for a bakery but turned out to be a total flop. That's why he is depressed. His arms were designed too short, which depresses him even more. Bernd is test candidate for TV commercials and gets to test exiting new products like itching powder, shark powder and hovering anvils. He never asked for the job, but they make him do it anyway. And there is no way out...

I dicovered the show in December 2004 during my last visit to Germany and quickly became a big fan. Ever since I returned from Germany, Bernd is going with me everywhere. I like to take Bernd's picture to document my visit at certain places, rather than polluting an otherwise perfect landscape with my face in the picture. Just to proof the relationship: here is a rare picture of both of us together.

Bernd also became the mascot of "Bernd das Brot Team." This is a geocaching team, consisting of me and my girlfriend Judy. We started geocaching together in June 2005 and have so far located 202 caches in central and northern California and seven other states. Learn more about geocaching. Bernd das Brot, Judy, me and geocache "360 Degrees" in Andrew Molera State Park.

Once we have a larger collection, there will be a "Traveling with Bernd" page. For now, here are just a couple of examples:

Fishermen's Beach, Monterey	Point Lobos	Sunset Beach, Santa Cruz

Ventura Harbor	Sta. Cruz Island / Channel Islands

Death Valley	Lake Isabella	A very unhappy Bernd at Andrew Molera SP

Every once in a while, Bernd thinks about the uselessness of life -
especially about the uselessness of life as a tin loaf.

Here are some bits of Bernd's wisdom:
(Note: all quotes on this page are my own, unauthorized translations from the German original.)

"I'm having a bad day. I must have had bad days before.
Oh yes, that was yesterday. And the day before. And the day before..."

"I'd rather go home and stare at the wall."

"Oh yes, I have a hobby: I memorize the pattern of my ingrain wallpaper."

"My favorite dream: Hansel and Gretel turning me into bread crumbs."

"Breads only grow hair when they mold."

"Everybody always says, 'Bernd, come here!' Why doesn't anybody ever say, 'Bernd, go home?'"

"I want to go home!"

A Moment of Zen with Bernd
More Bernd Quotes

Some of Bernd's biggest admirers have started this little project to spread Bernd's wisdom all over the world. Here are some of Bernd's deepest thoughts, submitted by his loyal followers.

And here is my favorite: Bernd's New Year's Address

"Well, nobody ever asks me. But if they would, I could tell them, it was a really bad year. Just like the year before. And the year before. And even the year before. It was hell. In living colors! Pretty much like every year. My life is hell! A wise man once said, "Hell is other people." He was right! My only hope is that it won't get worse. But it will. Every time you think it can't get any worse - it gets worse. Worse than worse. Worser worse. Yes, trust me; it will be ... it will be hell! Forget about New Year's resolutions and give up all hope. Dig a hole and hide in it! A deep hole! I'd do that too, but my arms are too short. Well, to wrap up this silly speech, here is the conclusion: A very bad year is over and an even worse year has just begun. Don't kid yourselves. Everything remains the same - just worse. Keep hiding and look out for the next anvil with your name on it..."

Bernd - Links