Blackrose's Thoughts

  November 8, 2004

I am writing you to ask that you go to the House of Representatives to help pass an amendment to the Constitution of the United States.  In the Constitution it defines marriage as “a union of a man and a woman.”  To be taught that discrimination is wrong in school, and then be taught that marriage between two people of the same sex is wrong is an oxymoron.  The Constitution at this time denies more than 1,100 rights, protections and benefits to millions of devoted couples and their children.  In the history of the United States, the constitution has been changed to protect the rights and liberties of the American people.  The constitution has been changed seventeen times since the bill of rights; some of these reasons were to stop slavery, and to give women equal rights to men, mainly to help stop discrimination of the people of the United States.  But there are still problems with the constitution.  It discriminates against gays.  The amendment proposed in the 108th Congress goes further than defining marriage and looks to destroy gay families protections, e.g. hospital visitation rights, inheritance rights and health care benefits.  It goes as far as saying that gay partners can’t even decide whether or not to order a D.N.R. when their partners are in the hospital.   After September 11^th 2001, the people of the United States are supposed to be brought together after the devastations at the WTC towers and the Pentagon.  Why does it seem that now we are being pulled apart even further?  Please consider what I have said.  Thank you for your time, I know it is very valuable.

                                    *Don’t regret what might have been.  Accept what is and rejoice in what is yet to be*

I used to live my life through regret.  Regretting choices that I had made, and choices that I should  have made.  I’ve since realized that regret-fullness will get you nowhere in life.  My brain used to be fogged with regret, only being able to think of the past instead of the now.  I am now able to  “accept what is,” and it makes so much of a difference in my life.  Instead of living in self-pity, I can  move on with my life, and look towards the future with hopefulness.  I look to the future as more  choices I can make and accept and be proud of. 

                                *What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet*

This quote comes from William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.”  I think in everybody’s mind, this  quote means different things.  To me at this moment it means that everyone is human, no matter his  or her color, race or background.  Everyone is human no matter what name they chose to go by.  It is for no man to judge who is better than the other, no matter who they love, or what they do  everyone is the same in God’s eyes, we are all his children. 

*Faith is the cornerstone on which all great lives are built*

 With-out faith there would be no greatness. Without faith this world would have no bearing, on anything or anyone. So many people say I can't do what I want to do, that I wont accomplish my  goals. I have faith in myself that I can do what I need to get done. Faith is my cornerstone on which I base all my decisions on. IN order to get anywhere in this world, you have to have faith in yourself, and those among you. You have to have faith that you're not alone, and that there are many people around you, who want and need to help you. You have to have faith in something or someone to make it through-out your life. Life would be impossible with out having some one there to hold you, and let you know that everything is going to be okay.
It's nice to know that some one is there for me
 To watch over me when I sleep
To keep me safe in my hours of need
Some one for me to talk to
Some one for me to cry on
Some one to keep the cold wind from hitting me
For them to wrap their arms around me and never let go
Some one to calm my fears and make them all go away
Some one to protect me from all evil we call our home
If only you would come out of my dreams
Into reality and make my life finally at peace with its surroundings
I know I wish I was asleep right now
So that I could spend just 5 more minutes with you
In our dream paradise

*When your mind is full of indecision, try thinking with your heart*

Hundreds of teardrops fallen over one indecision. A river has formed flowing through the valleys of  my soul. I shiver to think of the cold and darkness flowing through out me. To many wrong decisions through out the cross roads that make up my life. So many questions come to mind, why do I do  the things I do? Why do I let people get to me, and control my life in unnecessary ways? Why can't I shut my mind out and listen to my heart? My heart knows best. My heart knows me, it knows what I can and can't take. My mind is full of indecision, why can't I think with my heart. My soul only knows what flows through out its depths.

*Don't wait for your world to change. Change it yourself*

 I keep asking myself who I am. I've changed so much here in Kyle. I don't even know who I am. I long  to be the old me again, especially the part where I could make friends. Here I feel like everyone  is looking down their nose at me. I've met a couple of people here who at first I thought  were my friends up until the point I realized that I feel like crap when ever I am around them. I wish that I could feel like I was important to some one. I want to change the world. I don't want any  more children to suffer at the hands of their parents. I want to help teens realize that depression is  normal, and that suicide is never the answer to any question, to any problem. I want to tell them  that there are people every where who will be there for you, no matter what you have done. But who am I to tell them these things when I am not even sure that it is true. Who can I help when I have so many issues of my own. I don't/can't even feel safe in my own house, and no one understands why. I can't talk to anyone because once I tell them something they look at me differently, and don't understand. How can they understand when I don't even understand myself,  why I feel this way, why I do things the way I do.

Beautiful girl, sifting through my world. Eyes glaze over where ever she steps foot. Who is she? Where did she come from they ask. They can see her outer beauty and nothing but. It they could see what  she is like on the inside they would see the hideous creature that she is. Dark and insensitive, conceded, she only cares about herself. The beautiful girl on the inside no one cares about because they only see the ugly thing standing before them. If they only took the time to get to know her they would realize that she is worth their time.

*The greatest revenge is to accomplish what others say you cannot do*

 Wow, what a statement. Hearing that would have helped me earlier in life.  It's like they say, "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger."  So many people try to hold me back saying that I can't do this and can't do that, they don't give me credit for my full potential.  It's kind of like a brain washing thing because after some time I started to believe them.  I thought I wasn't smart, that I would never make it through college or even graduate high school.  Now, all I need to do is prove to them.  Revenge is such sweet bliss.  Like a scoop of ice cream on a hot day.  I am now proving to everyone that I can make it, better yet I am proving to myself that I am worth something, that I am special and that I am a child of God.  "We are daughters of our heavenly father who loves use and we love him..."  I have began to really understand the young women theme and why we recite it every Sunday.  It's a reminder to us that we never have to prove anything to our Heavenly Father because he loves us and knows our potential.  He made us, we are his children.  I don't know how the conversation got started but Amy said that "fish were stupid" and I have been thinking about that remark all day.  I finally figured out why it bugged me.  She made the remark toward fish getting caught easily with lures, but the same thing happens to us everyday.  Satan sends lures into our "ocean" hoping to catch us, and a lot of the time he does catch us.  Be it watching a bad TV show or listening to music with bad language.  We all have our weaknesses and he picks out the type of lure that works best for catching us. 

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