GPK: The Movie!! It was 1987 and Garbage Pail Kids were everywhere. On notebooks, Lockers, Backpacks, car windows... even on the top of Nintendos for everyone to see. My cousin had them all over his bedroom wall and on all of his school books. But me I never stuck mine on anything. I always made sure to keep mine as cards and save them in card books in those plastic sleeves. I had the regular ones and a bunch of the jumbo sized ones. Me and my friends would walk down to the corner store and by all they had. I would buy whole boxes full when the new series came out just so I could have the boxes to.... but I'm getting off subject so let's get to it. 1987 was a glorious year for kids everywhere and Hollywood to. It was the year "Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie was released!! What a great movie! It had everything movies should have... boogers, pee, vomit, pimples, and even green slime!! But that's also where the trouble starts. What parent is gonna take their kid to see a movie based on stickers they didn't want their kids to have in the first place?? The answer is... mine! Opening day there I was with my dad waiting in line almost peeing my pants like Nat Nerd waiting to see what had to be the greatest cinematic masterpiece in the history of movies!! Finally we got our tickets after the old lady at the counter gave my dad a dirty look for even taking me to this foul film. We got some popcorn, some gummie worms (Cuz they looked like boogers and I was really into being as much a part of the movie as possible), and a large ice cold Pepsi-cola!! We got to sit wherever we wanted in the theater because there we only 2 other sets of little boys with their fathers in there and they all looked as happie as I knew I was!! The movie started and I stayed quiet for the first time ever when seeing a movie as a boy. The second and final time was when me and my dad went to McDonalds got some food then snuck it into Ernest Saves Christmas. Boy what a fun childhood I had :) The movie was about a young boy named Dodger that opens a can with dried up green slime on it unleashing the GPK gang on the world!! From that can we got Ali Gator, Greaser Greg, Foul Phil, Nat Nerd, Windy Winston, Messy Tessie, and the always loveable Valerie Vomit!! They start to reek havoc on everything and everyone they see but at the same time they help Dodger try to get the girl of his dreams Tangerine. The only problem is that Tang is dating a local punk that likes to beat up on poor dodger. But the GPK's know what to do. You see Tang is an up and coming clothing maker that needs help making her clothes. So she convinces Dodger to open up a GPK sweat shop in the basement of Captain Mancini's crappy little thrift shop of junk. A song ensues and we understand that working together is the way to do stuff. Now before I go on remember that I haven't seen this movie in like 5 or 6 years so I am prolly a little off in my review of what happened. You want a more in dept review go to www.x-entertainment.com and read his but be warned... he isn't very kind because he's a wussie and was scared of the GPK's back in the day. I could have prolly found lots of stuff about the movie on the net but that would entail doing work and I'm not all about work... Anyway back to the review. So after a while the Kids realize that they have brothers and sisters out there that live in other cans and they want ro meet up with them and do some nasty things to unsuspecting people. But after trying to find them they realize that they have all been killed in various Garbage trucks thanks to "The State Home For The Ugly" who arrest ugly people and kill them! If only such a place existed we wouldn't have to see Rosanne, Gilbert Godfried, or Coolio ever again! So Tang locks the GPK's in their basement and gets her jerk boyfriend to take them to the "Ugly Home" where they are locked up until they can be grinded up like the others were. So Captain Mancini busts the Kids out with help from a biker gang that is friends of The GPK's from some point earlier in the movie I forgot to mention. It involved a biker bar some farts and some biker guys. So Dodger is now at a fasion show with Tang showing off the Kids creations as her own and not giving credit where credit is deserved. The Kids roll in with the captain and comedy grossness ensues! Valerie Vomits on some people Windy blows some people away with his butt and Ali tries to eat the models feet cuz he loves him some toes!! So they dispatch the baddies and head home. Tang tells dodger how sad she is and how she feels super bad and wants to be friends with him still. He blows her bitchie ass off and tells her to hit the bricks. She's not pretty to him anymore. Captain Mancini gets out a magic flute or something and tells Dodger that when he plays it the GPK's will be forced back into the can but they beat feet while he babbles on and they escape to fart and pee another day!!! How can you not love a movie like this?? How can you not pee with delight when you see it? It's just crazy! And as the theater showed us when I went... GPK: The Movie is a great bonding tool for fathers and sons and should be used as such until the end of time!!! <<Back To Main>>