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ATARI JAGUAR! WHAT A P.O.S.!! You know what is absolutely terrible? Atari Jaguar!! The only thing I can think of that's worse is Murder She Wrote... It had everything you need to make a 1 season flop yet it seemed to play for like 400 years... shit for all I know it's still on. Here's a description of the show I fond yesterday while I was surfing the net at 4.30 am looking for some good Asian chick porn... That may have been a little to much info. Here's the description: Former substitute English teacher and famed mystery writer Jessica Fletcher has a gift for solving mysteries. It seems murder follows her around, whether it be to the house of her seemingly endless number of friends, nieces and nephews or right in her hometown of Cabot Cove, Maine. Jessica is sometimes assisted by her friend Dr. Seth Hazlitt or the local sheriff, Amos Tupper (later Sheriff Metzger). Sometimes, early in the series, Jessica would only narrate the episodes, which would be a dramatization of one of her novels. In later seasons, Jessica moved to New York City to be closer to her publisher and also closer to crime. So what you end up with is an old lady that used to write books and used to teach English solving murders that the police cant... what the fuck is that crap?? Who was watching this show? I cant imagine people making sure they didn't have plans or that they didn't have to work so they could watch some crazy old lady pretend top be a cop while she wondered around crime scenes disturbing evidence and questioning people who just lost loved ones about what kind of fabric softener they use. I think she even baked cookies for all the murders she put away and knitted them all gloves and ass warmers for those long nights with their new husbands. Either way as you can tell by the description eventually she was able to move to New York and catch even more murderers that the eluded the NYPD... even the Super Mario movie made more sense then this giant turd of a program. Can you believe it ran for 12 fuckin seasons!! 12 years of murders that have to tell cell mates how they were caught by the lady that voiced the damn teapot in Beauty and the Beast. I can see it now "What are you in for?" "I killed my whole family and then I made them into taco meet and used it to feed a family of hungry hobos for two weeks!!" "Wow!! How did you get caught?" "You know that old ass lady that was a voice in Beauty and the Beast..." 12 seasons!! That like 21 episodes a season 1 killer per show... she was able to catch almost 300 murders that police couldn't! That's more then Americas most wanted has caught!! Plus she even got a couple made for TV movies a couple years ago!! She was like 189 years old catching people that were able to kill people half her age and they couldn't just break her spine and help us all out? If I killed a family of Chinese diplomats and some old lady was after me I would just run her over with my car and bury her in my back fucking yard!! Not like anyone would come looking for her. Actually I think if someone did find out you might get fan mail about it!!! Dear My new hero, I just wanted to send you this letter to say thank you! Now that Murder she wrote is gone I can finally turn on my TV once more without fear! I can again enjoy the please of television thanks to you!! You are a true American hero!! Please except this check for 1 million dollars as a way for me to sat how happie a am!! Love, Your #1 fan All of America!!! And she didn't even drive a car.. She rode her bike to the crime scenes and her damn bike has a basket on the front of it!! AHHHHHHH!! 12 seasons!! My brain is gonna explode... What the hell am I talking about? This was supposed to be a storie about Jaguar... what happened? Now I'm all upset and don't feel like writing anymore... |
