Famous burger clown arrested for drunken misconduct and assault R. McDonald of McDonaldland was arrested this week for drunken misconduct and assault on a young boy at a local park in downtown McDonaldland. "All he kept saying was something about cups and cutting me" the boy recalled while being attended to by paramedics. Steve, age unknown was covered in blood and had glass pieces in his skull after having a cup allegedly broken over his head. "He's shaken but he'll be okay" said one of the paramedics. Poor Steve after his attack After doing some digging this reporter was able to find two other police repots where Mr. McDonald has been arrested. Ronald has spent time in prison for assault on a Mr. Grimace and molesting a young petty thief know as Hamburgler. When reached for comment all Grimace would say is "Ronald is Grimace friend… Ronald no mean to hurt Grimace." And Hamburgler is quoted as telling another publication "I may have robbed Hamburgers from many people but what Ronald stole from me I can never have back… he took everything from me and I hope he fries in hell!" Ronald's other victims Mayor McCheese couldn't be reached for comment as of press time but his office did release this statement: "We here at the mayor's office are very saddened to hear of Ronald's ongoing troubles with the law, his battles with alcohol and his terrible addiction to cups. We have supported Mr. McDonald through all of his problems and have offered to get him help many times. This was the last straw and as much as it saddens me to say we are unfortunately going to have to sever all ties to him for the time being. We are very sorry and we hope that some day he will be able to get his act together and when that day comes we will welcome him back with open arms." When asked for comment all Ronald said was "He wanted my cups! Nobody touches my cups!! NOBOBY!!" He then passed out and had to be dragged to a police car by two officers. Mr. McDonald's lawyer Birdie has issued this press release with reference to the incident: "That boy touched his cup… what did you want him to do? Say "thank you" and walk away? I don't think so. That bastard got what he deserved! If it were me I would have killed him! In my opinion I think that he should be commended for not losing his cool... he was drunk after all, and the fact is he was able to keep his head together while being drunk. I think he should be let go and if this does go to trial I think the jury will agree with me." We will have more on this ongoing storie as it develops. And until more news comes about let's just remember the good old days and hope for a return to those times. |
