is Ronald gone?

A Tragic end to an illustrious carrer and a life filled with laughter, love, and eveutually pain. R. McDonald of McDonaldland has passed away this week after commiting suicide at a child's birtday party. After getting only 72 hours of community service after an attack on a young boy last week Mr. McDonald seemed to be in good spirits and ready to do his time and move on with his life. He was quoted as saying "Thank god I was stopped when I was. I was out of control. This was the wake up call I needed. Now I just want to get on with my life and get back to what I do best... And that's making people happie." When asked about this travisty, Steve the young boy that Ronald assualted last week said "What? They let him out of prison on community service? After he assulted me he should have had a whole can of legal whoop-ass opened on him!! And that's the bottom line!!"

Ronald's first service acts were to talk about drug use at a local McDonaldland school then perform at a child's birthday party. He never showed up at McDonald High and when he arrived at the young boy's home he was totally inebriated on Vodka and was holding two cups in his hands. "All he did was yell at the children and kiss his cups until it was time for his clown show" said one mother. He had all the children sit on the ground in front of him and asked if anyone had any questions for him before he started. One child raised his hand and asked and I quote "Why did you beat up that little boy? You're a nasty clown!!" Then all the children started to chant "Crappy clown! Crappy clown!!" over and over until Ronald reached his breaking point. He yelled that all the children were trying to steal his cups and told them he would "Cut their Asses!!" He then proceeded to pull a rope out from one of his oversized clown pockets. An undisclosed source has given us this exclusive picture of Ronald as he pulled the rope from his pocket. When asked why all the children acted the way they did one said "We thought he was going to pull a knife on us... that crappy clown! We thought we was going to cut our asses!!"

He then made one end of the rope into a noose as he threw the other end over a branch on a near by tree. He then put the noose around his neck climbed the tree and before he jumped he yelled, "Don't touch my cups!" then proceeded to plunge himself towards the ground breaking his neck and killing him instantly. When the police pulled his lifeless body from the noose they found a glass cup in his left hand and a bottle of 7-up and vodka in his other oversized clown pocket.

After years of entertaining the masses and selling our children food that makes them fat and lazy and in most cases as sick as a dog, we wouldn't want to end this storie on a sad note so at the request of Grimace and Ronald's lawyer Birdie we will be posting a picture of Ronald's last birthday celebration and the day his CD "Guess where else my hair is red" went gold. As the line from his hit song "Take my cups and I'll cut you fucker!!" went... "Leave them with joy, and leave them with smiles... If they steal your cups kill them all and leave their bodies in piles". Well actually forget about that bodies part.

We'll never forget you Ronald... mostly because you went crazy and it's hard to forget all that violence.

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