After Autopsy Questions Arise in Ronald McDonald case… Today the coroner in the Ronald McDonald case has issued a press release stating that the body that was found hanging from a tree holding onto the Glass with a picture of Mr. McDonald was not Mr. McDonald himself but someone dressed as the world beloved clown. The victim has yet to be identified but the coroner did include this picture in the hopes that his identity will be found. If you have any info please let us know. But only hours after the coroner's press release the real Ronald McDonald come forward to say how sorry he is about what has happened to his double that the FBI planted when they found out Ronald's life was in danger. He held a press conference and told the people in attendance "I am truly saddened by what has happened and I can only hope that the police will return my cup in it's original shape unbroken and undrank from! Oh yeah I hope the family of what's his name get over his death it was upsetting I'm told. But onto happier news… I'm back and now that Steve and the hamburgler are in jail I will not be going anywhere!!! And if you were wondering where I was here is a picture I took of myself while I was on what I call my "Vacation"". He then proceed to show the above picture and then continued "The FBI put me into witness relocation but unfortunately for me because of my fame the only place they could put me was in space." After the slideshow he proceeded to hand out free cheeseburgers to the press. Everyone stood up and cheered as he danced much to the delight of the crowd. When we heard about this shocking turn of events we were able to get an exclusive interview with both Steve and the hamburgler. It is as follows: SWFH: So now that it wasn't Ronald that you killed how do you feel about what you did? Steve: I'm hungry HB: Shut up!! This is what I have to deal with everyday! Steve: When do I get my pickleless Big Mac's??? HB: If you shut up for 20 minutes I will get them for you Steve: YAY!! OK!! YAY! I'm getting fooooooood!! HB: Well there you go you didn't shut up so no food for you! Steve: What? HB: No food Steve: What? HB: I said no… Steve: What? What? What? What? Steve then proceeded to look right into our camera with a wild look and then stormed off crying and mumbling to himself and bacon and spyro the dragon. After he left we started to talk with just the hamburgler. SWFH: So what do you think about all that has happened? HB: Well I'm used to him being like that now… after having to spend so much time in a cell with him. SWFH: Not that… The whole Ronald thing! HB: Oh sorry about that. I have a message for you Ronald. I have people on the outside… big purple people! Big dumb purple people with names that start with "G". But that's all I'm going to say because I don't want you to be able to figure out who I'm talking about!! Just as I began to ask the next question Steve ran back in his underwear and jumped around like a lunatic. He ended up beating up the hamburgler and 3 police officers before he was taken away ending our interview a little prematurely. When we tried to get another interview we were told by their attorney that Steve is in no condition to be interviewed and hamburgler is in the prison hospital after the beating he was given. So as soon as more information comes to light on this most bizarre of stories we will return with another news update. UPDATE: The person killed in Ronald's place has been identified as the hated comedian Carrottop!! The FBI as just let us know that he was planted as Ronald because they have been working on a plan to kill off the as said by The Prez "America's biggest menace. Someone needed to put him away and The hamburgler was the perfect one for the job." As soon as McDonaldland officials found out that Steve and the hamburgler had murdered Carrottop in cold blood they were both released and given awards for their acts. I think I speak for Americans everywhere when I say "Thank you Steve and Thank you hamburgler. You are true American heroes, True Icons and legends. And for all those out there worried about Ronald McDonald don't be they have both given their word that no harm will come to him. We will now leave you with a picture of Steve being interviewed by the local news station with his award ofver his shoulder. And if we can't trust American heroes who can we trust? |
