Ronald McDonald opens McHoopties and tries to rebuild his shattered image

Today McHoopties opened it's doors for the first time in the heart of McDonaldLand to a record breaking crowd! The first 100 costomers also got to take their photo with Mr. McDonald. The first model McHooptie is the McShoevy Large. It like all future model McHoopties will come in Red and Yellow or Yellow and Red. The first day festivities also allowed us to see some of the future models to expect from McHoopties. We were treated to a parade type show done by Ronald himself where he drove all the cars around the lot himself and allowed some lucky costomers to go for test drives before anyone else on the planet. We got to see the compact McHooptie, and the McHooptie Wings the car that is so big it takes up both sides of the road and can fly with enough wind. But all is not good in McDonaldLand today because the organization knows as McDonald haters of America. They opened up a center next to McHoopties and protested the entire time we were there covering the opening. It didn't seem to stop Ronald from having a good time as he decided to show that he is a great human being by giving away the McHooptie Wings to a group of school children reminding them not to drink and drive. He made sure to pick one to drive before taking the rest of the McKiddies onto the Wings to raid the bar in the back and as he said "get McToasted". By the end of the day McHoopties had made enough money to make Ronald forget the fact that he will spend the next 2 days in prison for getting kids drunk and having them sit on his lap and call him uncle Ronnie. Just before officer BigMac took Ronald away he drunkenly wrapped his receipts around his neck posed for a picture and slurred the words "I'm rich! and I'm better than all of you pigs! Just look at me! I'm sexy, I'm happy and I got that girls phone number!!!" <<Back to Stories Page>>