Ways To Help
Anorexia not only destroys the life of its victims but also the lives of those who love and care for them as well. It is often hard to sit back and watch as a loved one fades away. There are many things that must be known about this disorder to treat it properly. On going support and endless love is always the biggest help in recovery. Remember never to judge and to always be open with the victim. You are in this together.
Anorexia's hold on your loved one is a powerful obstacle. Equally as damaging, I feel, are the misconceptions as to the dynamics of this illness and those afflicted. I have spoken to family members of victims who just assumed that anorexics experience no hunger. Even the definition of anorexia is "to be without hunger or appetite". I spoke to a woman whose husband thought that she could stop starving if she really wanted to. Additionally, many people feel eating is recovery. It is not. Starvation is the symptom, not the disease. Also, there are those who do not consider an individual anorexic unless she has lost 20% of her body weight. I feel anyone who abuses him or herself by denying their body food and is consumed with self-loathing needs attention regardless of weight lost. Losing 20% body weight makes only for a physical difference, not emotional. Criteria such as this is used by an anorexic to deny her illness. Since extreme weight loss is sometimes rare, many anorexics are able to continue their destructive behavior until their mortality rate is already extremely high.
Misconceptions can lead well-meaning family and friends to act in ways that hinder recovery. For example, prompted by the notion that eating and weight gain is recovery in and of itself, many people commented on my weight gain. Their remarks were innocent, but I panicked. Was I getting fat? How else would they notice? Believe it or not, I've had people tell me how lucky I was to be anorexic; they wished they could have anorexia for a little while to lose weight. If only they knew, one does not "have" anorexia--anorexia has you.
The best defense for family and friends is to become educated about this disorder. I have searched the Web and found information I feel is relevant and reflects anorexia's true nature. Though the process of recovery is long, a measure of consolation is found in understanding the core issues your loved one is dealing with as well as the stages that he/she will progress through on the road to recovery. Lessening the mystery of anorexia will help put things in perspective and allow everyone involved to focus on dealing with the core issues instead of the behaviors resulting from them. In knowing what goes on in the mind of an anorexic you can have more of a grip on their damaging habits.
When a loved one has an illness, it is natural to want to offer support. When the illness is physical, it is easy to relate, for this illness could just as well be happening to you. It isn't difficult to imagine how you would feel going through the ordeal. Psychological illnesses, on the other hand, are puzzling. Anorexia is not easy to relate to. It is often assumed the anorexic and/or family members are responsible for bringing the illness into existence. This is part of the myths and misconceptions of this disorder. Anorexia is as much an intruder as any physical ailment. The anorexic is a victim. One must never lose sight of this notion. The anorexic is tortured and feels helpless to defend him/herself. They can not will anorexia out of their life any more than they could cancer or diabetes.
I have heard anorexics labeled as headstrong, obstinate, manipulative, calculating, and selfish. How sad that someone so pained is so misunderstood. Attaching such negative labels serves only to reinforce an anorexic's negative view of herself. What is perceived as stubbornness is actually the victim's response to the demanding voices that play inside of their head. The voices tell them that they are awful and/or they should be constantly exercising, starving, purging, and lying. Lack of cooperation with the doctors and family because of these voices is seen as willful determination to resist recovery. When in truth the anorexic does want to recover but is finding it hard to escape the clutches of the disorder. Blaming an anorexic for failing to cooperate feeds into his/her own feelings of shame and guilt. To not view an anorexic as the victim is detrimental, for it is easy to hold them accountable for the illness.
Taking into account anorexia creates victims, the approach to dealing with a loved one or friend becomes apparent. Gentleness, unconditional love, praise, and reassurance--courtesies that would readily be offered to one suffering from a physical ailment, must always be expressed to the victim. Anorexics need an abundance of caring and patience regardless of how they may protest. They may feel as though they do not deserve love or affection, but in denying them of these feelings will only worsen the condition. Family and friends play an important part in recovery, offering support and unconditional love. Although you may spend a great deal of time feeling helpless, frustrated, and panicked, there is hope through education. In learning of your loved one's illness, you gain insight as to how relate and react in a healthy, helpful way. Anorexia makes everyone feel out of control. In taking the initiative to acquire knowledge and skills, you may feel more self-directed. I highly recommend a book entitled 'The Secret Language of Eating Disorders' written by Peggy Claude-Pierre. I cannot say enough about the exactness of the information it contains. For anyone asking the question, What causes anorexia? this book offers answers. Family and friends can gain great knowledge through the information in this book. Anorexics, too, benefit by its message. I hope that all I have said is helpful. Remember that support and love are key factors to recovery. Never give up.
