Tales of a Tortured Soul

Ill give you it all, i cant use it anyways.

My emotions died with my dreams, only the shadow remains.

My eyes burn with the promises I could never make;

my stomach twists with my lack of reality.

But I'll listen, and do what I know, and maybe, you can find yourself.

With help from THE me that broke down long ago.

And if not, at I will make a good story for you to tell your kids.

And a better memory, for you to share with your friends over coffee.

And I will provide inspiration so that when you look into someones teary eyes,

you will know what to say, and be able to give them hope

, the hope that I lost along the way.

And in the meantime, till those days do come,

I will care about you as much as I can,

in the few, oh so few ways I can still remember.

FINIS

(PART OF A WHOLE)

Two faces, two different places.

Two faces, two different realities.

Two parts of me, one part YOU know.

Two parts of me, one part that I alone know.

Two parts of me, one lives in happpiness and joy.

Two parts of me, one lives in sadness and defeat

Two parts of me, one cool and composed.

Two parts of me, one swirling, and enraged.

Two parts of me, one that is admired and loved.

Two parts of me, one that is ignored and lonely.

Two dreams of mine, one that is attainable.

Two dreams of mine, on that is unachievable.

Two worlds that I see, one true and bright.

Two worlds that I see, one Dark and downtrodden.

One part of me, sad, desolate, and depressed.

One part of me, joyous, amicable and personable.

Two parts of me, which one is real? Two parts of me, which on is me?

(RETIREMENT)

Those tears that you shed

late at night on your bed,

with thoughts of me in your head,

and regrets of things you should of said.

Its all come crashing down on you,

turning your emotions from red to blue,

and how you just didnt have a clue

that you couldnt prove faithful or true.

But unfaithful to me you were,

and now i left your mind in a blur,

with fear and tears in a constant stir,

asking yourself why this had to occur.

Of all the things I have ever wanted in life,

of all the things that you knew would give me strife,

the thing you know would feel like a stab with a knife,

all while we had made plans to be husband and wife.

I gave you it all, my heart and my soul,

but your insecurites and ifidelities have taken there toll,

and soon youll realize it was your heart you stole,

and you caused this downward spiraling ball to roll.

As much as I loved and as much as I cared,

all the issues and problems were too much to bear,

so I dont care what you do or how you fare,

just know any guy you find will never compare.

While I was your hearts resident, your were only a guest

i was the only one to ever past your ridiculous test,

but now I am gone but not like all the rest,

Cause I retire, the champion of your heart, the best of the best

(I COULD NOT BE THAT)

I couldnt do it for you,

i couldnt be all you needed me to be.

I couldnt do it for anyone

I just need to find me.

Its hard for me to see the pain

that I have caused in your face.

And its hard not to see you smile,

and your frown in its place.

I couldnt be your everything,

I couldnt be your dreams.

I couldnt be that man you wanted,

No matter how great I seemed.

My conciense is killing me now,

slowly, softly but persistent.

It pains me more then you know,

for me to try to be distant.

I will be there for you always,

no matter the distance or place.

and I want to be that guy,

to return the smile to your face.

(Charon My Friend)

Darkness looms as the cold wind breathes

upon my neck and upon the leaves.

The twigs are cracking, but the moon is still clear

my life should be set, but my eyes still tear

Life is the hardest fight of them all

and when things go wrong, who'll be the first to fall

Him, her, you, me--or all of us--or maybe none?

but strife will catch us all, why try to run.

There is no escape, there is no refuge,

there are no answers, and there is no excuse

But admist all the failures and gloom,

there is one light shining like a chrysanthium in bloom

It is hope, not universal, but within ones self

because it is a constant, unlike power, money, pride or wealth

but for me the hope is gone--

the light has burnt itself out--

and rather then continue to go on--

and live this life of self-doubt--

I will shut down inside and deny--

any goodness that comes my way--

and as hard as you try--

I look forward to the day that i die--

come to me soon charon, my friend, the sooner the better

come soon...come soon my friend.

Breathless

And im so frustrated; i cant even smile

im so confused i cant even breathe

simple tasks are eluding

and complicated ones are impossible

baby steps seem like gigantic leaps

and elementary words seem foriegn

my thoughts are jumbled

my mind is in a constant blur

and all because of a one syllable word

love is the epitome of a true paradox

at its best it is entirely trancendent

and at its worst, it is a sense killer

and i would rather love then be loved

because it makes me feel so alive

but to be unloved causes a great void

what a wonderous paradox cupid spun

a riddle even socrates couldnt solve

im but a simple man with a humble mind

but even the simplest men feel love

and what it does to you

I know that I love you, now and always

but do you love me?