It all started in a place far, far away and long ago. . . Well, maybe not. Yeah, it’s me, S-- S--, though I’m also known as the Ham, Stacyham. And this is an autobiography. I know you would probably rather hear about Jimmy and his giant cheez-whiz ray, or Pumpkinhead and how nicely he smiles. . . Yeah, me too. But that’s not what this is about. This is about the Magical Ham (myself, of course), but if you’d rather read about Nickychick and LaCroixber suit yourself and check out the Forever Knight fanfic sight at www.fkfanfic.com.
Anyway, for those of you that opted to stay, it’s back to me. I was born on the afternoon of September 5, 1983. It just happened to be Labor Day; ironic, I think. The town was Port Angeles, Washington, although we lived in a place called Pysht (no, I did not make that up). I have an older sister, J--. She’s nine years older than I am so that would make her 25. My parents names are D-- and W-- S--. Dad happens to have just turned 51 on October 17. Mom had her birthday the 26 of October and is 52. Some people may say I’m lucky, being the youngest and all. I don’t know. What do you think? I mean, I do get my sister’s old car here in about a month. (It’s a little green, 4-wheel drive, two-door Subaru. I’m happy.)
Okay, well once I was born we stayed in Pysht until I was two. After that we moved to Sequim. When I was 4 is when we moved out to Forks so Dad didn’t have to make a 2-3 hour commute every day just to get to work. I don’t remember anything at all of living in Pysht and nothing real eventful happened, that I’m told, anyway. Sequim is basically the same, but since my grandparents bought the place after we moved out, I can pretty much describe every detail of the house, of which I’m sure you’re dying to hear, but since the story’s not about the house you’re going to just have to settle for reading about me. (I liked the fuzzy wall-paper though.)
At Christmas Grandma and Grandpa had a blasted little chirpy-thing I could never find! It drove me absolutely crazy! Then, we lived in Forks (yes, like the eating utensil), so that’s where most of this story takes place. Actually, the name of the town was changed from Quillayute Prairie, since there was already one of those, to Forks, like “the river forks up ahead.” And that is how the little town of Forks got its name. (Hey, at least we had a stoplight!) The house we had in Forks, when we first moved into it, at least, was this God-awful color of orange! I mean, it was putrid! Let’s just say that was one of the first things we fixed! Along with the busted windows, doors, walls. . . The list does go on. You could barely go outside! This place was a total trash-heap! We continued to work and fix up the place as long as we were there. It was a house you could be darn proud of by the time we moved out and came to Glide when I was 15.
I went to 4 years of preschool, two in Sequim, two in Forks. But I couldn’t start kindergarten my third year of preschool and I had to wait until the next year. If only my birthday had been a week earlier. . . ((Sigh)). So I started kindergarten basically when I was six, which isn’t all that bad. One of the best things I liked to do in kindergarten was to see how high we (my friends and I) could build towers with the blocks. That was fun. We only went for halfdays when I was in kindergarten. I remember crying when school let out for the summer, sure as the rain would fall I wouldn’t ever see my teacher again. That was very traumatic for my little 6-year-old mind. But I survived to go on to the first grade. ((dum-dum-dee-dummm)).
Well in first grade I found out that you do get to see your old teachers again. That made me feel so much better. In my first grade class we had a nap-time. There was this feather-fairy, or something like that, who went around and used a feather to wake kids up when nap-time was over. The kid that was quietest and moved the least got to be the feather-fairy. I used to not move an inch and basically let my head explode to hold in sneezes and yawns and I only got to be the feather-fairy once! What a jip! First grade was the only time I ever cried at school. That was when I just happened to be in the bathroom when some other girls were getting in trouble for being loud and I ended up being punished with them. At the time I thought that that was the worst possible thing that could happen. I thought that I would be in so much trouble; so I cried. I was so embarrassed for crying, right then and there I promised myself that no matter what I would never, ever cry again at school. And I didn’t, except when we moved, and you can’t count that.
Then there comes second grade. Boy, I felt I had really moved up when I reached second grade. I was in PEAK this year (don’t ask me what it stands for, I totally forget), but it was a class for kids who were ready for thougher work in school; a smart kids class. I started Girl Scouts as a Brownie and my mom volunteered as the leader. I got my dog, a Scottish Terrier mix, at the end of the school year. Her name’s T-- and she is now six years old. Her and M--, our lab that we had got two years before, got along fine. They started off both as outside dogs, and somehow managed to get themselves to be inside dogs. Tricky little devils. At the end of second grade I could hardly wait to begin third grade.
Well, this is the year I performed my first play. I was a news reporter from the future gone back in time to interview Lewis and Clark. That was great. The one major injury for the year was when I fell off the monkey bars and almost broke my wrist. Ouch! I started 4-H with T-- and met D--. We’re still real good friends. Her, C--, and I are basically inseparable when we’re together (duh!). We call ourselves the Raving Lunatics. And trust me, we are. But that all happens later and C-- isn’t in the picture yet so forget she even exists. Poof! Gone. No more C--. Well, at fair my dog did marvelously. 4-H is what started my obsession with dogs. I now can identify over 200 breeds on sight. T-- (my dog) and I went to state fair and did quite well. And now after state it would have to be into the fourth grade!
Fourth grade went well. Not much happened, though. I was chosen for my first Missoula Children’s Theatre play, “The Pied Piper.” Yay! I was a cook and even had a line that was all by itself. I was so proud. I tried knitting in 4-H and dropped it. I can describe it in one word - BORING! My dog did horrible at fair and I was really upset. But I learned that you can’t expect obedience, let alone perfection, from a terrier. That’s basically it. Oh, wait, I have another injury story for this year. I was trying to walk overtop of the jungle gym standing up, and guess what? I slipped. My leg went between two bars and I did this really cool flip. But that hurt! I had one Big Kahuna of a bruise. There. Now that’s all. Told you it wasn’t much. Onto the fifth grade.
I got my black-eye playing tag in fifth grade. I’ll warn you, tag is a dangerous sport! It can cause great bodily harm. It was during baseball season, though, so I just told people that I had gotten hit in the face with a baseball. It didn’t sound as dumb as saying that I had got my black-eye playing tag. I was in my second Missoula play, “Cinderella.” I was a Lady and got to “poo-poo” the beggars. Again my dog did well at fair and we went to state. I gave my first 4-H demonstration at fair and received a special award for it. Our fifth grade class started a recycling program for our school. It was called R.O.A.R., Recyclers On A Rampage. We toured a recycling plant, researched a lot, and put a ton of effort into it. I’m proud to say that the program is still continuing today.
During the summer between fifth and sixth grade is when I bashed my head and got my concussion, I think. I was swinging on a rope swing in our garage, over a cement floor, of course. I was seeing just exactly how high I could go when ((SNAP)) the rope broke. I was only able to remember what happened long enough to go and tell my mom, then ((zip)) it was gone. I still can’t remember what happened.
In Sixth grade I was the Queen in the play, “The Bell of Atri.” My sixth grade teacher, though, it was great. Whenever he’d get mad his whole head would turn red, a vein would pop out on his forehead, and he’d yell real loud. But he had this candy stash, too. Whenever we were good he gave us candy. Let’s just say bribery is one of the many benefits of the modern world. My injury for sixth grade was my toe. I dropped a 4x4 block of wood that was over 20 pounds on my toe. Didn’t break it, luckily, but I couldn’t walk on it for a long time. That completes the sixth grade year. On up to the seventh.
Since nothing dramatic happened at school this year, except that I actually started playing sports for the school instead of Little League, this will be my babbling paragraph. But first I just want to say A-- and I performed our first 4-H demonstration and received a special award for it and got to go to State fair and give it there, too. E-- and I began playing flute duets together. And I got to be the first settler in the Missoula play, “Johnny Appleseed.” Now back to my babble. D-- introduced me to C-- and together they basically converted me to the mentality to like and obsess about everything the general public would consider stupid. This typically includes, but is not limited to, dumb horror and sci-fi flicks, shows that were canceled (but were marvelous), and other things in that basic genre. We go for the fun stuff (or stupid, as the case may be). They taught me to stand by my principals and buddies no matter what, or who, they might be. In about a year I learned about as much information as I possibly could about the wonderful shows of Forever Knight (starring Geraint Wyn Davies, Nigel Bennett, Katherine Disher, Deborah DuChene, John Kapelos, and later Lisa Ryder. That’s a lot of people!) Then there was the show EZ Streets, that was never even given a fair chance, that starred basically Joe Pantoliano. And, of course, The X-Files (starring again basically David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson). The entertainment world is quite a marvelous place, where virtually all cool action-adventure/sci-fi heroes are named Alex and the best movie plots are those that make no sense what-so-ever. Well, if I don’t stop myself now I’m going to go on forever! On to the eighth grade!
In the eighth grade the best part probably was. . . Well, there was no “best part.” I was chosen to be the Assistant Director for the Missoula play, “Beauty Lou and the Country Beast.” That was awesome. E-- and I continued to perform flute duets at concerts, solo-ensemble contests, Rainfest, the Cirriculum fair, and the 4th of July. She always made me say the composers’ names like “Joseph Bodein de Boismetier,” (I think that’s how you spell it.) And she got to say the song titles like “We will now perform the first of Two Duets.” That was absolutely, positively Not Fair! D--, C--, and I kept sticking up for the worst of the worst dumb movies, and we continued to live in our own little world. It’s really a wonderful place, with munchies, and t.v., all the time on the computer you could want, and where Nickychicks and Pumpkinheads are real. (Smiling gleefully at the thought.) Well, the one big adventure for the year was when A-- and I decided to go for a walk in the woods. We met a little green alien, his name was Bob. No! Wait, wait! They’re grey! I almost forgot! Ummm. . . maybe not. But we did manage to get ourselves lost. Next time, I’m actually going to listen to A--. We almost had a search party called out for us. But we did make it home, thanks to the dog. (Always give credit where credit is due.)
WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, that’s just the sound of my leaving Forks. For ninth grade, of course, I’m in Glide, (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this lovely paper). Everyone was mad at our leaving, but they cried just as much as I did. I want to go home! Don’t get me wrong, Glide is a wonderful, quaint, little town. (Going down in flames here, so I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone.) It’s just the fact that I’ve been ripped up from the place I’ve known and loved practically all my life, and thrown in a school with a bunch of sane strangers. Very friendly strangers, but strangers nonetheless! Oh, well, life happens.
My future goals are to become a law enforcement officer of some sort. I haven’t narrowed the field down from there yet, though. I am probably going to do the Explorer program the Happy-Little-B---Man that I talked to at the Career Showcase suggested I do. I am also preparing to attend as many years of school as is necessary for the work I’m interested in.
Now that completes my life story, up to the present, anyway. I’m sure I’ve had you all riveted to the edges of your seats through my whole. . . Hey, you! Wake up out there! That’s better. As I was saying, I’m sure I’ve had you all riveted to the edges of your seats through my whole autobiography. But sadly, I have no more to write. So that has got to be The End.
Back to Computer Essays.
