Have you ever gone into a department store and been immediately mobbed by over-eager sales people? They’re like a bunch of bees swarming to you and you are the only flower left. . . anywhere. Or maybe you’ve entered the store and the place seems to be completely deserted, an empty wasteland in which there is not a single soul in sight besides yourself. This phenomenon in different types of sales people can be found in any store, anywhere, all the way from megastores to corner shops. But the categories for store help can go much further than simply the Pouncers and the Avoiders that I have already mentioned and will further explain below. There are also the Pesterers, Hoverers, and Talkers. Every category has its own little quirks and nuances, each type to be identified and handled differently.
The most aggressive type of sales person is the Pouncer. This person will lie in wait just inside the door, like a cat ready to attack. As soon as you unsuspectingly walk through that entrance, the Pouncer will immediately greet you with an over-exuberant “Hello! How are you? Can I help you find anything?” You might stand there for a moment, overcome by this person’s bursting personality, but you should try to recover yourself quickly because if you don’t, you may find yourself at the Pouncer’s mercy. Your surprise is just what he wanted, for he will use this opportunity to try to sell you anything he possibly can. If you even give him a hint that you are vaguely interested in something, anything, the Pouncer will use this to his advantage by telling you he knows exactly where to find that particular item and can show you where it is. Once you’ve followed him to where the merchandise is at, the Pouncer is a master of making you feel guilty for having him walk all that way for naught, and you’ll probably end up leaving the store buying something(s) that you really hadn’t planned on. To avoid this, as soon as you are asked if you need help, immediately respond with a “No, thanks. Just looking,” and quickly move on into the store. Usually this will stop a Pouncer in his tracks.
A less aggressive, but more annoying, type of sales person is the Pesterer. This kind will wait somewhere out in the store, hidden amongst the aisles. As soon as he sees you looking at something he will come over and ask if you’d like any help with that, even if it is something as trivial as a squeegee or a sponge. If you tell him you’re just looking, he might appear momentarily hurt, and will retreat elsewhere. But do not think you have so easily gotten rid of him. The Pesterer is a lurker, and will wait oh, say, two minutes or so before returning to ask if you’re finding everything all right. Despite your reassurances, this type of sales person will continue to go away and come back again, over and over. The only successful method for losing a Pesterer is to leave his designated sales area.
A similar type of sales person related to the Pesterer is the vulture-like Hoverer. This type will never really talk to you, never really help you, and yet, never really go away, either. He will stand maybe five to ten feet away from you, trying to look busy, occupying himself with either organizing the items just across or down the aisle from you, or playing with the price sticker gun. . . or any number of other things. But don’t be fooled, this relatively harmless sort of store help is always just waiting for the chance to bring down a sale. As soon as you look up and around, even if you’re just checking the time, the Hoverer is there, ready to ask you if you need help and to answer any questions you might have. Simply replying that you really are finding everything you need and you don’t need his assistance isn’t ever truly good enough. The Hoverer will nod his head as if agreeing with you, and tell you that if you need anything just to ask. Then he will take a few paces back down the aisle and continue working on his previous task, all the while keeping you in his peripheral vision, waiting for your next moment of slight confusion. Again, the only successful way to lose a Hoverer is to leave his sales area.
A sales person that is related to the Pesterer and the Hoverer by the fact the he won’t leave you alone is the Talker. This is a very friendly sort who just loooooves to talk about anything and everything, especially when you’re in a hurry. He won’t actually try to sell you something, but he’ll follow you around and enlighten you with all sorts of strange or off-the-wall facts that you never in your life wanted to know. Things such as “Did you know the average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night?” or maybe “Did you know that cat's urine glows under a black light?” It doesn’t matter if you ignore him, he never really takes a breath anyway. He’s just happy to have someone to chat with, albeit it is a bit of a one-sided chat. Sorry to say, one of the only methods to get rid of a Talker is to leave the store. Friendliness is not always a good thing, especially in excessive amounts.
A totally different type of sales person than the previously mentioned four is the Avoider. This is the kind of person that really shouldn’t be in this profession at all. He runs away as soon as a shopper even begins to look befuddled. If you should happen to corner an Avoider, he never seems to know the answer to any question, giving you vague responses like, “Uh, this isn’t my department,” or “Wait a minute and I’ll call Bob.” This, of course, is of no benefit to you, since Bob usually never shows up and you are left trying to extract useful information from a rather fidgety and nervous sales person. But really, one hardly ever gets the chance even to speak with the Avoider. He is an elusive breed, hiding in the dark shadows of the store’s storage area, or in the most deserted departments. If you do happen upon one of these skittish types, it’s best simply to let him alone and try to find help that is a little more dependable.
Now that you have a better knowledge of the types of sales help you will find out there and how to deal with them, you can go confidently into any store. You are armed with wisdom on how to identify and deal with each of the categories of sales people. Remember, to avoid the Pouncer it is best to be prepared and make a sprint for freedom into the store. For the Pesterer you should retreat to the relative safety of other departments. When dealing with Hoverers remember ignorance is bliss and confidence is everything. For the Talkers a handy dandy set of earplugs and a quick dash to the front exit will do quite nicely. And the best way to handle the Avoiders is not to. There’s no need to frighten the poor creatures. So good luck to you! And happy evading!
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