Ever have the bizarre urge to actually put that brain-thing into gear? Well, you’re not alone. I’m sure there must be someone else out there with the same idea. For the rest of us, there’s partners. Using a partner to help you write a story can be quite an adventure just by following these simple guidelines:
2) When a victim, (no, wait, that’s ‘character’,) has been selected, you need to spend at least another hour ‘discussing’ a plot line.
3) Then it is time to start your first draft. Make sure that the person, (preferably your partner,) who writes the draft has horrible hand writing, so that when you go to rewrite it, it’s totally illegable.
4) When your partner suggests one line, write down the exact opposite and say, “Trust me. This will sound better.” After you’ve done this a few times, there should be quite a show while your partner’s face changes colors.
5) When your partner, (they should be the one writing in the first palce,) starts complaining about their hand and arm turning numb, tell them not to worry, it builds character.
6) Suggest a line and when your partner starts to write something different, holler, “No, no!! Not that! That’s not what I said!” Keep it up until they put what you originally suggested.
7) Let your partner think of a title, (this should make them feel better,) but don’t agree to any of them until they come up with the one you wanted.
8) Be sure to have earplugs handy, so when your partner starts whining that you aren’t listening to them, you can just put in your earplugs.
9) If you’re partner, for some stange reason, becomes totally unreasonable, give them something really sticky to hold. Their first question will probably be, “What’s this?” Tell them it’s “A present.” While they’re off fighting with the sticky goo-thing you gave them, you may assume the role of writer. This gives you the ability to put down what you want, and/or make any necessary changes. And be sure that the sticky stuff takes at least 20 minutes to remove.
10) When deciding on punchlines, alter your sense of humour to the total oppostie of your partner’s. This makes things more interesting.
11) When you both finally agree on an ending, insist on putting the words “That’s all folks!” instead of “The End.”
And finally, last but not least, (and probably most important,) is. . . 12) When the story is finished, read it to everyone you can find and blame all the stupid mistakes on your partner.
***Note*** A video camera may be essential. (Blackmail is always so much fun.)
***WARNING*** People have been known to drastically alter their relationships directly after working under these guidelines.
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