“Wonderful,” Natalie said, her voice thick with sarcasm. “It’s amazing how all the darts you throw seem to have a natural aversion for hitting the balloons.”
“Well, it’s a lot harder than it looks, Nat,” Nick said trying to save face. He looked at the last dart he was holding. It was the last of about twenty he had vainly attempted to use to pop the balloons that were attached to the board of the fair booth. He sighed as he decided he would be just as well off by throwing the dart in the in the general direction of the board instead of aiming at a particular balloon. Nick sighed again and chucked the dart at the board.
((POP)) The bright pink balloon that was in the middle of the board broke. “Nick!!! You actually hit one!!” Natalie exclaimed in astonishment.
“CONGRATULATIONS!!!” boomed the man in the booth who had been hiding behind the counter fearing for his life due to several of Nick’s erratic throws and misses. “You have just won yourself the Grand Prize!” Strains of “We’re In The Money” could be heard playing in the background. The man continued, “It is the most wonderful, entertaining, and spectacular prize you could have ever hoped to win!! You are now the proud owner of. . .” A drum roll could be heard in the background as the man reached behind the counter to present Nick with his prize. At this time several people had stopped and started to stare. “A Goldfish!!!!”
Nick stared at the pathetic, little, yellowish thing that was in the plastic bag that the booth worker was holding out to him. “Oh, isn’t it just darling!” Natalie exclaimed with joy. “Whatever are you going to name it??” Nick gingerly took the bag with the goldfish and quickly handed it to Nat and said,
“Well, um, I thought, uhh, umm. Well, Nat, it’s a present!! To you! Yeah, that’s it. A present!”
“Well, well, Nicholas,” a voice came from beside him. “I see that you have won yourself a goldfish.” LaCroix chuckled as he turned and disappeared into the crowd.
Nick asked in bewilderment, “What was that all about?” Nat shrugged and went back to admiring her goldfish.
As Nick and Nat made their way back towards the Caddy, Natalie suddenly exclaimed, “FIFI!!! That’s it!! Fifi firs her perfectly!”
Nick asked, starting to worry about Nat’s sanity, “Fifi? How do you know that it’s a girl?”
“Of course it’s a girl!!” Nat responded, a bit taken aback. “What else would she be?? And I don’t want to hear you ever call Fifi and ‘it’ again!”
Nick then said, “Nat, I think you’ve had a very long night. Maybe we should get you home so you can get some rest.” Nick was hoping that it was only the cherry slurpee and sauerkraut sausage that Nat had had earlier that was causing her to act the way she was.
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Back at Nat’s apartment, Nick had been appointed Fifi’s official fishsitter as Natalie rummaged through her cupboards, desperately searching for a fish bowl. Nick was staring at the bug-eyed goldfish when Nat gave a triumphant “AHA” and held up a fish bowl. “I knew this would come in handy someday!” she said as she was carefully scrutinizing the old bowl she had bought at a garage sale.
“Hey, Nick! Would you bring Fifi over here? I found a bowl for her,” Nat said as she filled the fish bowl with water. Nick looked at the goldfish disdainfully before he said,
“Do I have to touch it?”
“Nick, you can be so. . .” Nat searched for an appropriate word to describe Nick. Not finding one she sighed and said, “Nick, just bring Fifi over here.”
Nicholas finally relented and picked up the bag containing Fifi with his thumb and forefinger. ((riiiiip)) The fish bag caught on the corner of the table and emptied itself all over Nat’s kitchen floor, including Fifi. Sidney meowed from the couch and licked his lips hungrily. Nat screamed, “FIFI!! My poor Fifi! Nick, look what you did! Hurry, quick! Find something to put her in; a sack, Nick! Get a sack!” Nick quickly glanced around the room, searching for a sack. He grabbed the first one he saw, a bread sack. he then picked up Fifi, with obvious distaste, and tossed her into the bag. Nat again hollered, “NO, NO, No That One! There’s still bread in there!!” Nick, now totally disoriented, dumped the whole lot he was holding into the awaiting fish bowl. Natalie yet again screamed, “AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Nick You Brick!!!! Not with the bread!! Now the water is contaminated!” Nat hurriedly tried to scoop Fifi out of the mess in the bowl with her hands. After a few futile attempts to dig Fifi out of the bowl, she resorted to using the nearest thing possible. . . an ice cream scoop. This proved successful and she grabbed the closest tupperware container and dropped the now bread covered Fifi into it and rushed to the sink to fill it with water.
Nick mumbled under his breath, “Cook ‘em and you would have breaded fishsticks. I’m sure Sidney would love you for that.” Sidney meowed plaintively from the couch, thinking that would be a wonderful idea.
Natalie responded from the bathroom where she had rushed the unfortunate Fifi, “That’s Not Funny Nick!!” Nat then dropped Fifi with a resounding ‘plop’ into the toilet.
Nat returned to the kitchen holding the tupperware container, glaring menacingly at Nicholas the entire time. Nick, feeling that he was going to be ignored for some time, decided to leave the kitchen and go relieve himself, the protein shake Nat had given to him before they left for the fair kicking in. Nat heard the swish of a flushing toilet as Nick appeared back at the kitchen door. Nat said, “You didn’t. . .”
“Didn’t what, Nat?”
“Flush the toilet!”
“Of course I flushed the toilet! Didn’t you hear it?”
“Of course I heard it!” Nat said, her face going quite pale.
“What’s the matter, Nat? You seem faint.”
“Of course I’m faint! You flushed the toilet!”
“Is this something that happens often? You faint every time a toilet flushes?”
“Not ever toilet. Just ones with goldfish named Fifi in them.” Nat’s voice reached a hysterical note.
“Fifi? What are you talking about? You mean to say you put Fifi in the toilet??”
“Where else was I going to put her? I sure the heck wasn’t going to give her to you again!!”
Both Nick and Nat ran to the bathroom, Nick grabbing the plunger out of the closet on the way. Nat dropped to the floor and grabbed the toilet bowl the way one would if one were going to be sick, and hollered into the bowl, “FIFI! Where are you!”
Nick, thinking Nat needed the number of a very good psychiatrist at the moment, said, “Here, Nat, allow me.” And stepping bravely to the toilet put the plunger down the bowl and started plunging furiously as if his life (or unlife) depended on it, which at the moment, it did.
After a few minutes more with the plunger, Nick finally succumbed to defeat and slumped to the floor beside Nat. Sidney padded softly into the room, and Nick gestured toward the cat and said, “Well, at lease you still have Sidney.”
Nat sniffed and said, “I guess you’re right. But you have to promise me one thing.”
“What’s that, Nat?” Nick inquired sympathetically.
“That you’ll never flush Sidney down the toilet.”
finis
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