While Kell-Lee sat finishing off her fourth can of Surge and eighth package of Peachies, settling down to her twelfth hour of the X-Files, Sabriel burst into the room. Sabriel then positioned herself directly in front of the TV, feeling she was doing Kell-Lee a big favor by blocking her view. Kell-Lee, on the other hand, did not share Sabriel’s feelings. She immediately started to frantically shout, “Scully! Mulder! I can’t see Scully and Mulder!! Move you. . . you. . .”
“Kell-Lee, this is neither the time nor the place. Anyway, what are you doing just sitting here? We have to perform in five minutes!” Sabriel was trying desperately to stay calm.
Kell-Lee knew Sabriel was mad about something, but she couldn’t figure out what. She didn’t know of any performance. Right now, though, she was fearing for her life, not to mention steaming over the fact that she was missing her favorite episode of the X-Files. Even though Kell-Lee was extremely upset at the moment, she still had enough wits about her not to mess around with Sabriel when she was mad. So Kell-Lee asked simply, also trying extremely hard to keep her cool, “What are you talking about?” This was probably not the smartest thing in the world to ask right then.
“What am I talking about?? What am I talking about!?!?” Sabriel was now shouting so furiously and making such a gruesome face that she had Kell-Lee cringing in a corner of the coach. “I’m talking about the solo/ensemble contest we’ve been practicing for, for months, you numskull! That’s what I’m talking about!”
Suddenly, in the dark recesses of Kell-Lee’s brain, something clicked. “The solo-ensemble contest! That’s right! That’s today???” Panic now set in. If they didn’t perform on time, Kell-Lee knew that not even the best doctor’s could put her pieces back together. The thought of this frightened her very much indeed. “I’ll be ready in two minutes!” Kell-Lee jumped up so fast that she smashed into Sabriel, tripped over the table, and knocked the lamp over before dashing out of the room, grateful to be away from her distraught partner.
Sabriel, on the other hand, thought Kell-Lee was behaving like a moron. She was also plotting how she could wreak her vengeance on Kell-Lee after all this was over.
*********
While mumbling to herself about having to miss her favorite episode of the X-Files, and hoping beyond hope that Sabriel wouldn’t kill her, Kell-Lee noticed a bit of movement over in the corner of her room. This was a very scary idea considering that there was who knew how old food and candy, garbage and junk scattered everywhere. Again Kell-Lee saw the movement. She carefully reached for an old sock that was laying on the floor to throw at the creature. Whether it was an alien life form, (which she didn’t doubt,) or some rabid cheese whiz, (which was also very likely,) she was sure the sock would scare it. And who knows, maybe it might even stun the thing and send it into spasmodic shock long enough for Kell-Lee to make her get-away. But suddenly there came a piping voice from the depths of the pile of Kell-Lee’s stuff. . . somewhere down by the floor. “Ha ha! We’ve got you now!” And then, with much difficulty on the creature’s part, it plowed its way to the top of the mess. To Kell-Lee’s surprise, there was not one, but two, of the wretched, little beings.
The creatures themselves were short and not all that awe-inspiring. One looked kind if like an alien, with neon green eyes and a hot pink head. The other looked kind of like a spaceship with bug-eyes and antenna. “Wha. . . Who are you?” stammered an utterly shocked and dumbfounded Kell-Lee.
“Ha ha! I am Zachi, and this is my accomplice Zuker. And we are your worst nightmare!” said the one with the pink head.
With a terrified scream, Kell-Lee ran out of the room -- and directly into Sabriel, who had come to see what was taking so long. “And just what do you think you are doing?” asked a very peeved Sabriel.
“They’re, they’re alive!” stammered Kell-Lee.
“Alive? What do you mean alive? What are you talking about?”
“The Tombagootchis!” Kell-Lee practically screamed out of fear and frustration.
“Tombagootchis!? What Tombagootchis?” Sabriel asked, truly shocked at the reply she had received from Kell-Lee.
“You remember the Tombagootchis I bought on my last trip to Vanilla World? They’re ALIVE!!!”
“You’re crazy,” Sabriel replied bluntly. “Hurry up and get ready. You have exactly 30 seconds before you become mince meat,” Sabriel said as she turned and walked away, mumbling to herself “idiot” as she went.
Kell-Lee’s fear of being turned into mince meat was all that was needed to get the idea of Tombagootchis out of her head long enough for her to finish getting ready.
*********
Late as they were, Kell-Lee and Sabriel stood backstage of the solo/ensemble contest. Sabriel was calming herself down, or as she called it, getting into her “Playing Mood.” Kell-Lee, on the other hand, was on the verge of total panic, thanks to Sabriel’s promise of turning her into mince meat, and the thought of the Tombagootchis coming to life and their promise of becoming her worst nightmare, (which they already were.) She then reached for the only thing known to man that could calm an overwrought and distressed Kell-Lee, Pure Vanilla Extract. As her fingers closed on empty air where there should have been the comforting feel of her bottle of vanilla extract, Kell-Lee felt herself losing control and becoming hysterical. She then realized she didn’t know where the Tombagootchis were, and that the last place she had seen her vanilla extract was in her room. She then put two and two together and got that two Tombagootchis really did equal her worst nightmare. Sabriel had, by then, noticed Kell-Lee looking more on edge and irrational than usual. She started to worry about Kell-Lee’s well-being a little more than she normally would. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Don’t you even. . . “
But it was too late. Kell-Lee screamed. “THE TOMBAGOOTCHIS! THEY DID THIS! THOSE THIEVING TURKEY-HEADS STOLE MY VANILLA EXTRACT!!” It was dead silent throughout the whole building while the echoes slowly died away.
Sabriel said, “Hey, kewl. Echoes!” (Yes, even Sabriel can forget herself at times.)
But Kell-Lee was not joking around and didn’t care about any stupid echoes. “I WANT MY VANILLA EXTRACT BACK!” she hollered as she stormed away to hunt down and destroy the vile creatures who had stolen it, setting her flute on a table as she went.
“Hey! Where are you going? You can’t just leave! We’re going to perform any minute now! Where ARE you going??” But there was no reply from Kell-Lee, who was, by now, on the hunt, and didn’t care what Sabriel said, or even if she did become mince meat; she was going to find her beloved vanilla extract.
*********
Meanwhile, the audience was wondering whether the sky was falling, or if they were just being invaded by giant hamsters from Mars. Since they couldn’t decide on one or the other, they figured it was both. No matter, they still wanted to see the show. Then, whispers started to go around about some crazy person backstage screaming something about vanilla extract, turkeys, and Tombagootchis, (whatever the heck those were.) But they figured that couldn’t be the explanation; nothing like that ever happened around here. Giant hamsters from Mars, on the other hand, well.... you never know.
The poor announcer, Pete, was at a loss of what to do. The last and final act had just run out the door, the one who hadn’t been screaming about turkeys saying they would be back as soon as they could. The only thing he could think of to do was to tell jokes, and let’s just say that Pete was no comedian. He was, however very lucky, because the audience he had tonight didn’t care what he did, so long as it didn’t involve Wild Prairie Monkeys and they got their money’s worth.
*********
While the audience was still debating over exactly what had happened, Kell-Lee was in the hall outside the performance area, searching for the Tombagootchis that had stolen her precious vanilla extract. Sabriel was following behind her ranting and raving about not performing.
“Just what are you doing, anyway? We were late as it was, and now you’re out here searching for a couple of renegade Tombagootchis! What are you, insane? You know what I ought to do??”
“Be quiet?” Kell-Lee suggested absent-mindedly, still searching for the Tombagootchis’ trail.
That shut Sabriel up, for about thirty seconds or so. But at that moment Kell-Lee spotted a vending machine. Instantly her mind was attuned to only the vending machine, and trying to remember if she had any money with her or not; which, she discovered, she did. While inserting her money into the coin slot, all she could hear was it falling with a wonderful “clink, clink” into the vending machine, the whir as the precious Twinkies she had selected began to fall. . . and then get stuck. “AARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!” Kell-Lee screamed as she started pounding on the vending machine. “You stupid machine! Give me my Twinkies!!”
Sabriel only stood there and watched as Kell-Lee started to not only pound on, but to kick the unfortunate vending machine. “Uh, Kell-Lee?” Sabriel asked, uncertain of exactly how to handle this situation. “Kell-Lee?”
Kell-Lee whirled around, “WHAT?!” she demanded, but then froze, noticing something very strange laying on the floor. She realized what it was. . . vegemite. And forgetting both the vending machine and Sabriel, she started to follow the trail.
“Hey! Now where are you going?” asked Sabriel, very undone by all of this, as she watched Kell-Lee try to open the door.
Now Kell-Lee was having her own difficulties in trying to get the door open. She tried with all her might, but it just wouldn’t budge. She pulled with every bit of her strength as it just refused to move. Sabriel was standing beside the straining Kell-Lee when she noticed a sign on the door that read “PUSH” in big, bold, red, capital letters. “Uh, Kell-Lee, if I may interrupt you for a moment, but the door says to push.”
Kell-Lee stopped her efforts to open the door and looked up. She grinned sheepishly when she saw the sign. “Oh,” was all she managed to say as she pushed the door open and stepped outside, Sabriel following her. As soon as they were totally out the door two huge nets were thrown upon them. Before Kell-Lee and Sabriel had time to react, someone on the outside of the nets started to beat them with pillows and shout, “It worked, Sammy, it worked! We got ‘em now! We got Rastro and Maddog!”
“Well, don’t just sit there and beat them to death, Al. Let’s get ‘em out of there.”
“Oh, yeah. I suppose we should.”
With a great deal of effort the nets were hauled off of the two very surprised victims of Allexxis and Sammy’s little plot. As soon as Al and Sammy saw it was only Kell-Lee and one of her little friends, Allexxis immediately demanded to know what they had done with Rastro and Maddog, and why they were ruining their trap.
“This is a trap for Rastro and Maddog? Hey, fun. Can I play?” Kell-Lee asked, thinking it was a brilliant idea.
“It was all my idea,” Al said, claiming glory for the whole thing.
“It was not your idea! You didn’t even help! All you did was sit there and munch Crunchy Puffs,” protested Sammy.
Allexxis replied, “All right, so maybe she helped a little.”
Again, Kell-Lee asked, “Can I play?”
Sabriel answered her, “You most certainly may not. We have to get back and perform, now that I have your attention, even if it’s not totally undivided.”
But before Kell-Lee had a chance to reply, Allexxis again asked, “What are you two doing, anyway?”
“Um, uh, we were trying to, uh, find the, uh, thieving Tombagootchis that stole my, uh, vanilla extract,” Kell-Lee finally managed to stutter out. This explanation sounded pretty weird, even to her ears.
“You mean the Tombagootchis you bought on your last trip to Vanilla World? They came to life? Hey, kewl,” Allexxis countered, fully interested. Sammy just rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh of exasperation at the thought. Sabriel was beginning to pace, wondering if this was only a bad day or of someone really was out to make her life as bad as they possibly could. Kell-Lee went on to explain to Allexxis, and a not-so-very-interested Sammy, exactly what had happened, in detail, for an hour. By then, even Allexxis was starting to get bored. Sammy wished that someone would please, just shoot her. And Sabriel was wondering if the torture would ever end.
*********
While the three Raving Lunatics, and one very ticked-off Sabriel, were still arguing about who did what and who ruined what, the Tombagootchis were making plans of their own. Backstage and downstairs of the solo/ensemble contest Zachi was saying how brilliant it was of them to steal Kell-Lee’s vanilla extract. Zuker, meanwhile, was debating what they should do next to their unfortunate victim. “I think we should dye her hair bright pink.”
“Naa, too messy. I say we should put frogs in her bed.”
“But that would take too long. How about if we stole all her candy?”
“We already did that, you twit! We have to think of something else. I know, what if we. . .”
After much brainless discussion, they finally agreed upon stealing Kell-Lee’s flute, which wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, they thought, it would be kind of fun to see Kell-Lee turned into mince meat. So the two Tombagootchis made their way upstairs to carry out their evil scheme.
As they were making their stealthy move into capture the flute, the Tombagootchis heard a muffled gasp. They turned around to see the poor lights and sounds technician with look of horror on his face, not believing what he was seeing with his own eyes. “Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!” he screamed as he ran onto the stage. He grabbed the mike away from Pete and yelled into it, “THEY’RE HERE!!!!! ALIENS HAVE LANDED!!!!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!!! THEY’RE GONNA EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!” After the first two words no one could hear anything the very, very frightened technician was saying. He had blown out one of the speakers, he had yelled so loud, temporarily deafening everybody that was in the audience. Since Pete was the only one who could even remotely hear anything at the moment, he went and called the little men in white coats to come and take care of this madman that was on his stage screaming his head off about aliens landing and wanting to eat him.
They arrived none too soon. After Pete had literally wrestled the microphone away from the crazy technician, the tech had simply sat down in the middle of the floor and refused to move, still mumbling something about becoming an alien’s shish-ka-bob. After having watched all this very intently, and, for who knows what reason, finding it funny, one of the men who had come for the tech stepped forward to help. “So, you say aliens are coming and are going to eat you, isn’t that right?”
The technician nodded slowly.
“Well, I’ll tell you what. You come with us and we’ll give you a nice, little, padded room where the aliens will never find you. Does that sound all right?”
“Is there ice cream?”
“There can be.”
“Is there candy?”
“It can be arranged.”
“Are there munchies?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, I’ll go.”
And without further ado the technician, and the little men who had come for him, marched out leaving Pete and the audience to return to their singing of their gruesome and twisted rendition of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”
Again backstage, Zuker and Zachi watched this performance in total amusement, thinking all of it was quite hilarious. Then they started another one of their mindless arguments. “Now see what you’ve done?” hissed Zachi.
“ME?? You’re the one that had the brilliant idea to steal this stupid flute!”
“Yes, but you’re the one that agreed to it.”
“Only because I had to,” complained Zuker.
Despite this trivial arguing about matters, they still managed to steal Kell-Lee’s flute without further incident.
********
Outside the solo/ensemble building Kell-Lee was finally and mercifully coming to the end of her tale. When at last she was done, to the great relief of her not-so-very-attentive audience, Sabriel proclaimed, “LIAR!! That isn’t how it happened at all!!”
“Yes, it is!!” Kell-Lee hollered back, very insulted by Sabriel’s outburst. “If that’s not how it happened, then maybe you’d care to explain to all present just exactly how it did!”
“Fine!” Sabriel retorted, launching into the story for the second time. This, of course, was accompanied by the moans and groans of Allexxis and Sammy.
By the time Sabriel had finished her version of the story everyone, including Sabriel, was sleeping. Well, Sabriel was only sort of dozing. She had to stay at least partially awake to be able to speak. But when she uttered the words “The End” there was a chorus of grateful cheers and whistles coming from the now quite rested audience.
“Thanks for the nap, Sabriel. Although I usually don’t have a bedtime story anymore, yours was quite good, put me right to sleep,” Kell-Lee told her sarcastically. Sabriel gave her an evil look before saying,
“At least my version of the story was right.”
“Was not!” Kell-Lee retorted.
“Was too!”
“Not!!”
“Too!!”
“NOT!!!!”
“TOO!!!!”
Allexxis and Sammy just watched in mild amusement, each telling themselves that at least they never acted like that, (and for anyone that hasn’t read Al and Sam’s stories, this would be a complete lie!) Finally, after they grew tired of listening to the other two argue, Sammy and Allexxis decided it would be best just to leave and let them be. They certainly weren’t going to intervene and most likely get hurt, or more likely, seriously injured, for their efforts. Kell-Lee noticed them as they turned to leave, and managed to desist in her arguing long enough to demand, “Hey! Where do you two think you’re going? You gotta help me get my vanilla extract back!”
“Wot??” the two said in unison.
“We never agreed to do anything of the sort,” Sammy said defiantly.
“Not even to see live Tombagootchis?” pleaded Kell-Lee.
Allexxis immediately elbowed Sammy sharply in the ribs and hissed at her, “Be quiet!! Let me do the talking!” Then she turned and smiled pleasantly at Kell-Lee and said, “What? Of course we did! What do you propose we do?”
“Weeelllllll. . . what I was thinking we should do would be to go and try to find the Tombagootchis, and when we do, come up with the best plan we can in three seconds, and then. . . Well, let’s just hope for the best,” Kell-Lee finished.
“Sounds good to me,” Allexxis agreed.
Sammy turned away, smacking herself in the forehead as she went. She was muttering, as if trying to convince herself to do so, “Just turn and walk away. All your problems will disappear if you just turn and walk away.”
Sabriel was muttering something like, “I really should choose my friends more carefully next time,” while she, and the rest of the insane little group, headed back in the direction of the solo/ensemble contest.
*********
As the four of them arrived once again backstage, Sabriel told Kell-Lee, “Now go get your flute, and don’t come back saying ‘I couldn’t find it. The Tombagootchis stole it!’ We are going to perform if it’s the last thing we do!” Kell-Lee looked a bit hurt, but turned to go retrieve her flute, which she had left sitting on a table near the stairs.
When she reached the table she discovered that her flute was missing. Her first thought was, “The Tombagootchis! THEY took my flute!” Her next thought was for her safety, realizing that if she didn’t come back with her flute, the odds of surviving to see another day in one piece were very much against her. But try as she might, she couldn’t think of anything else to do but to go back and tell Sabriel the truth and hope that she wouldn’t kill her. Very reluctantly Kell-Lee turned and walked back to face Sabriel’s wrath.
“WHERE IS YOUR FLUTE??” Sabriel demanded when she saw Kell-Lee returning empty-handed. Kell-Lee answered, in a very small voice, knowing what she was about to say was the exact opposite of what Sabriel wanted to hear.
“Umm. . . The Tombagootchis stole it.”
“WHAT??? I told you not to tell me that! I expect you to find your flute before I count to thirty. One. . . Two. . . Three. . . “
Kell-Lee seized this opportunity to make a run for it. She dashed onstage and tripped over the microphone cord, which made her run into Pete, knocking him down, too. Sabriel hollered, loud enough for the whole audience to hear, “Kell-Lee!! You Stupid Cheezer-Headed Nitwit!! Get back here!!! I tell you the Tombagootchis are NOT alive and they did NOT steal you vanilla extract OR you stupid flute!!” Sabriel followed Kell-Lee onstage, but she wasn’t watching where she was going either, and ended up crashing into Pete, who was just picking himself up from his encounter with Kell-Lee. Kell-Lee, meanwhile, had made her way off-stage, and was working her way through the crowd toward the door. As she saw it, this was her last chance to get away from the very, VERY ticked-off Sabriel.
Allexxis had followed Sabriel onto the stage, remotely hoping Sabriel would catch Kell-Lee; she thought that would prove quite interesting. But she was in such a hurry to not miss anything that she didn’t see Pete, who was, by now, becoming extremely sore. Allexxis ran full into him, knocking him flat for yet a third time. After she had picked herself up she hollered across the audience, “Get her, Sabriel! Hurry up and catch her!!”
Kell-Lee stopped briefly to glare evilly back at Allexxis, but kept on her way through the crowd because Sabriel was now only a few feet behind her. She continued to make her way toward the door, tripping and falling over almost everything in sight.
Sabriel was having just about as hard a time trying to shove her way through the crowd. Allexxis thought that both of them were idiots, and a better way to get through the crowd was to go over top of them. She did just that, climbing over and on everyone. The audience thought this was so much fun, they even helped her by making a human bridge. But while this helped Allexxis, it slowed down Kell-Lee and Sabriel’s progress dramatically.
Sammy thought all three of them were acting like morons. As far as she could see, the best way to get to the door was to walk down the aisle, which she did. But not before tripping over the microphone stand that was in the middle of the stage, and falling on top of Pete, who had decided it was best just to stay on the floor until all the commotion was over. Sammy picked herself up and, without further embarrassment, went down the aisle and stood by the door, waiting for the other three to stop their antics and start behaving like civil people. (This, in all respects, was likely NEVER to happen.)
Allexxis was the next to arrive at the door. She was feeling quite proud of herself for figuring out such an ingenious way to get through the crowd. She gave Sammy her best See-How-Smart-I-Am smile before she, too, turned to watch Kell-Lee and Sabriel. Both Sammy and Allexxis were wondering who was going to be the first to reach the door.
Fortunately enough for Kell-Lee, it was her. Trying very hard to catch her breath after bull-dozing her way through the audience, Kell-Lee managed to say, “Hurry, quick!! Let’s get outta here before Sabriel gets here!!” Sabriel was indeed “getting there.” Using her flute more as a weapon than a musical instrument, she was making good time though the crowd of people.
The three Raving Lunatics unanimously decided that it was probably best for the well-being of them all to turn, go outside, and. . . RUN!! But as they turned their visions all saw the same thing at the same time. . . an ice cream truck. Sabriel reached the door just as Sammy, Allexxis, and Kell-Lee screamed, “ICE CREAM!!!!!!!” and started running down the street as fast as they possibly could. Sabriel groaned, knowing that there was no possible way for her to ever get those three away from ice cream in any way, shape, or form. She sighed as she turned and headed back inside, resigning herself to singing along with Pete, who had just started to sing “The Wheels On the Bus Go ‘Round and ‘Round.”
Meanwhile, the three Raving Lunatics were outside chasing after the ice cream truck, screaming, “I WANT ICE CREAM!!! IIIICE CREEEEAAAAM!!!!!! I WANT ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!” The poor ice cream truck driver, though, had nearly had a heart attack when he had seen three crazed people running toward his truck demanding ice cream. He followed his intuitive instinct to floor it and get the heck out of there. He was extremely lucky that the three were only on foot, and could only run for so long. Once he hit about 80 mph, (he had a very fast ice cream truck,) Allexxis, Sammy, and Kell-Lee finally gave it up as a lost cause. They listened as the little song that ice cream trucks play, faded into the distance, going about as fast as the truck had been. With a sigh, they decided to head back to the solo/ensemble contest, but as they turned they saw a Super Nova store, the best darn satellite dish company there is. Of course, they immediately entered the store to hail the All-Mighty Super Nova. (And let’s just say that it was a while before they were going anywhere.)
end part 1
On to Part 2
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