After a Reserve drill at McChord Air Force Base in Tacoma, WA, I asked our wing commander why we were using forest camouflage uniforms instead of desert camouflage uniforms in view of our possible deployment to Saudi Arabia. “Because, if we go,” he answered, thinking fast, “we’ll stand together in the desert and pretend we’re an oasis.” -Contributed by Maj. Angela Birdsong, USAFR
Our commanding general and his staff were receiving an intelligence briefing that required the use of projectors to show maps of Norway with symbols for Norwegian military units. The captain explained what each image represented. Our eagle-eyed general spotted a narrow, racetrack-shaped image at the top of the screen and said, “Just a moment, captain. What’s that symbol up there?”
The capatin stopped dead in his tracks, looked at his notes and replied, “Sir, that’s a paper clip.” -Contributed by Maj. G.P. Mandis
I was a new Army basic trainee at Ft. McClellan, AL, and one requirement was a demanding 12 mile march. We got started at 6 AM and were pumped up for the trek. An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come. “Men,” our drill sergeant called out, “you’re doing a fine job. We’ve already covered four miles.”
Revitalized, we picked up the pace. “And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the starting point any minute now.” -Contributed by Frank L. Taber
While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember – run to Dad first, then the dog.” -Karla J. Kasper
Department-store automatic answering machine: “If you are calling to order or send money, press 5.
“If you are calling to register a complaint, press 6459834822955392.
“Have a good day.” -Contributed by Hal Thurow
“What were you doing when the police arrived?” the judge asked the defendant.
“Waiting, sir.”
“For what?”
“For money.”
“Who was supposed to give you money?”
“The man I was waiting for.”
“Why was he going to give you money?”
“For waiting.”
“Enough of this!” exclaimed the exasperated judge. “What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a waiter!” -Milton Berle’s private joke file
Back to Mind Scrap *R*.
