All phone numbers begin with 555.
People speaking on the phone never introduce themselves, and never ever say "good-bye" at the end of a conversation.
A ringing phone is usually picked up within 3 seconds.
Don't give the person on the other end of the phone time to say what they have to.
You also never have to look up a phone number, for anyone.
When a phone line is broken or someone hangs up unexpectedly, communication channels can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?".
Always knock over the phone if it wakes you up. If you are expecting a call, make sure that you pull the covers up completely over your head so that knocking it over becomes easier. All houses have phones next to the bed.
There's a dial tone to be heard on A's phone immediately after B has hung up on his/her end.
The Movie Telephone Time Vortex.
How often have you seen something like this:
Phone rings. Hero/Heroine picks it up. "Hello. Yes. O.k. Right. Thanks, Goodbye." (Total elapsed time on phone: 5 seconds.)
Hero/Heroine turns to other character: "That was John. He says that the Marilyn left for the lawyer's office about an hour ago, and she should have been there by now. He's called the lawyer's office but Marilyn apparently never got there. He also called Bill's, thinking she'd stop by there, but Bill hasn't seen her. John says he's going to call Anne, as Marilyn said she and Ann were going to go shopping sometime today. If she's not at Anne's, he's going to call the police. He suggests that we drive over to Mario's and check with him as to whether or not Marilyn told Wally about the statue. However, he thinks this is unlikely as Marilyn doesn't trust Wally, she only trusts us and Fransisco. John also suggests we try to get in touch with Fransisco . . . ."
On the subject of phones, how about variations of the Bob Newhart-style conversation where we only get to hear one side of the conversation, as in: Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet? (PAUSE) And you already called Bill's? (PAUSE) What did he say? (PAUSE) He hasn't seen her either. (PAUSE) So, John's getting nervous? (PAUSE) He's going to call the police...
If I'm not mistaken, the conversation must have gone like this:
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet."
"Marilyn hasn't shown up at the lawyer's office yet?"
"No, and I've already called Bill's."
"And you already called Bill's?"
"Yes."
"What did he say?"
"He hasn't seen her either."
"He hasn't seen her either."
"John's getting pretty nervous about this."
"So, John's getting nervous?"
"Yes, he's going to call the police."
"He's going to call the police..."
When phone-calls are traced you can see a map on the screen with a beam closing in on the caller, and the caller always knows how long he can talk before he has to hang up to not be traced down. He always manages to say everything perfectly timed for 2 minutes.
Video-phones display pictures of the callers looking straight into the camera. The camera must be in the middle of their screen, in other words.
If the hero tries to call someone he needs urgently he won't need more than three rings to know that he/she is not there.
If someone wants to call the hero, he/she will let the phone ring forever before hanging up, expecially if the caller does not know that the hero has to fight his way to the phone through a bunch of bad guys.
A person is placing a phone call to a company, such as "Sports Illustrated." The phone at the other end is picked up, and the person PLACING the call says, "Hello, Sports Illustrated?", as if they are checking to make sure they called the right place. What this means is that at a major company, someone is answering the phone with "hello" and that's it! Not, "hello, Sports Illustrated, can I help you?" or anything like that, just "Hello!"
On to Police.
Back to Nightmares.
Back to Movie Cliches.
