Confessions

My mind is clear,
Yet I cannot think.
My voice is strong,
Yet I cannot speak.

No words will come,
For what I feel,
Nothing is true,
Nothing is real.

My soul is desperate,
For something unknown.
Maybe a life,
Maybe something unnatural born.

I’ve a hollow in my soul,
It is something unexplainable.
I don’t know how to stop it.
By some force unattainable?

It preys upon my mind,
Like some predator of the night.
I do not run.
I do not fight.

What is the point?
I ask of you.
What is the point,
To something so true?

What does one do with the dark?
Where does one go?
Do I travel the righteous road?
Or follow the path laid low?

They may think me sane.
All the better for me.
‘Cept the fact that I burn within.
A fire that refuses to set me free.

Now what, pray tell,
Do you do with that?
There is no water wet enough,
Nothing strong enough to stop that.

So I burn within.
Slowly dying from inside out.
Do I know how to stop the agony?
Do the fires of Hell cure a drought?

No, I know not what to do.
I am lost.
Wandering for what?
I do not know.

Wandering eternity.
With nowhere to be.
It’s a lonely thing,
This I hope you see.

Ever been torn apart?
From the inside out?
That’s what it’s like.
This pain I feel.

I’m me, but not me.
I’m here, but not here.
This is my reality.
This is my eternal fear.

Who am I? Really?
Am I death? Am I light?
Am I day? Am I night?

Devotions for both.
Feelings for all.
Where from here,
Shall I fall?

Ever felt true fear?
The clutching reality that any moment you may die?
A cold fist over your heart?
How you panicked?

Have you ever lived every day like that?
Every waking moment in fear?
In desperation?
Shedding not one tear.

The fear’s too great,
To let them know,
How you feel.
You can’t let it show.

My mind is spinning.
It’s been tossed and twirled.
My realities have been melded.
Tossed, mixed, and swirled.

Many is now one.
No more fear.
I’m beyond that.
I’ve removed its dreaded spear.

My heart is cold.
Unfeeling, uncaring.
I’ve grown bold.
My mind so sharp, so daring.

Can I live another day,
In this life?
Yes, no?
Can I bear all this strife?

Day and night,
Of desperation for a life.
Seeing beyond sight,
Feeling beyond what’s felt.

Anyone to talk to?
No. No one’s there.
They ignore troubles.
They do not care.

What to think,
Where to go,
Who to be,
I need to know.

A death?
Would that bring peace to my soul?
My churning soul?
This deadly soul?

Is this a plea for help?
Yes, if you are inclined to take it so.
Is this a confession of feeling?
Yes, these feelings I no longer want to know.

I want to shake these shackles.
Break this bond.
Release myself.
I ask my soul, it does not respond.

I am destined here.
To remain for eternity.
Living my fear.
Eternally.

Never again to see the day.
Never again to grace the light.
Never again to feel the love.
Never again to hold it tight.

Always to remain.
(Say it’s not so.)
In the night.
Is where I must go.

Goodbye to all,
Who cared for me.
I am sorry.
But this is Destiny.