(After being expelled.)
Buffy: “What about home schooling? You know, it’s not just for scary religious people anymore.”
Spike: “We like to talk big. Vampires do. ‘I’m going to destroy the world.’ That’s just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You’ve got. . . dog racing, Manchester United. And you’ve got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs.”
Spike: “If at first you don’t succeed, I’ll kill him and you’ll try again.”
(After finding Spike outside her house.)
Buffy: “What are you doing here? Five words or less.”
(Counting on his fingers)
Spike: “Out. . . for. . . a. . . walk. . . bitch.”
Nicole: “Buff, I don’t see why we have to invite every single senior.”
Buffy: “Because it’s the senior dance? It’s just a shot in the dark.”
Xander: “Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. You. Angel. Big. Smoochies?”
Buffy: “Shut. Up.”
Jenny: “Did anyone ever tell you you’re kind of a fuddy duddy?”
Giles: “Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else.”
Jenny: “Did anyone ever tell you you’re kind of a sexy fuddy duddy?”
Giles: "No, actually, that part usually gets left out. I can’t imagine why."
Willow: “Don’t worry, we’re sure to spot Faith first. She’s like this cleavagey slutbomb
walking around going, ‘Ooh, check me out, I’m wicked cool, I’m five by five.’”
Tara: “Five by five? Five what by five what?”
Willow: “See, that’s the thing. No one knows.”
Spike: “Drink?”
Buffy: “A world of no! So any idea what’s causing this?”
Spike: “Oh! So that’s odd. You’ve just come to pump me for information?”
Buffy: "What else would I come to pump you for? I really just said that, didn’t I?"
Anya: “We’re just kinda thrown by the, you having sex with Spike.”
Buffy: “The who whatting how with huh?”
Anya: “Okay, that’s denial. That comes before anger.”
Buffy: “I am not having sex with Spike!”
Anya: “Anger.”
Xander: “No one is judging you. It’s understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled. . .”
Buffy: “I am not having sex with Spike, but I’m starting to think you are.”
Kendra: “Who are you?”
Buffy: “You attacked me, who the hell are you?”
(As Spike surveys the chaos caused on Halloween by Ethan Rayne’s costume transformation spell.)
Spike: “Well, this is just. . . neat.”
Joyce: “I think we’re just about ready for pie.”
Xander: “Then I’ll be pretty much ready for barf.”
Buffy: “Xander!”
Xander: “No, no, barf from the eating. ‘Cause all was good, and too much goodness. .
.”
Joyce: “I’m taking it as a compliment.”
Buffy: “What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn them?”
Willow: “I brought marshmellows.”
Xander: ”Willow, did you remember to tape ‘Biography’ last Friday?”
Willow: ”Uh huh.”
Buffy: ”See? I told you. . . old reliable.”
Willow: ”Oh, thanks.”
Buffy: ”What?”
Willow: ”’Old reliable’? Yeah, there’s a sexy nickname.”
Buffy: ”I, I didn’t mean it as. . .”
Willow: ”No, no it’s fine. I’m ‘Old Reliable.’”
Xander: ”She just means, you know, the geyser. You’re like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.”
Willow: ”That’s Old Faithful.”
Xander: ”Isn’t that the dog that the guy had to shoot?”
Willow: ”That’s Old *Yeller*.”
Buffy: ”Xander, I beg you not to help me.”
(Later.)
Anya: ”Listen, I have this little project I’m working on, and I heard you were the
person to ask if. . .”
Willow: ”Yeah, that’s me. Reliable dog-geyser-person.”
Xander: “You’re considered somewhat cool.”
Oz: “I am?”
Xander: “Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital
sentences?”
Oz: “Could be.”
Anya: “I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.”
Xander: “Then why are you talking to me?”
Anya: (sighs) “I don’t have a date for the prom.”
Xander: “Well, gosh, I wonder why not? It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch.”
Anya: “Men are evil. Will you go with me?”
Xander: “Isn’t that what they called The Slayer?”
Willow: “Buffy, ooh scary.”
Xander: “Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody’s
hearts.”
Dawn: “Lurk much?”
Spike: “I wasn’t lurking, I was standin’ about. It’s a totally different vibe.”
Angel: “I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it’s been such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn’t even *have* chainsaws.”
On to Page 2 of BTVS quotes.
Back to *B*.
