Parvo: “State your name”
Blitz: “Blitz.”
Parvo: “What were you before you were a Road Rover.”
Blitz: “Well, I was a guard dog. I would guard the auto yard all night, and when the burglars came by I would bark at them, you know, I would go: ‘Ruff, ruff,’ and say ‘go away, get away from here, you are bothering me.’ And if they didn’t leave I would show the fangs, like this, okay: ‘Rrrrrrr,’ and that is when the biting would begin. I enjoy biting the tushy, it’s soft and squishy. And I like to go like this, ‘A-angh, angh,
angh, angh, angh, angh, angh.’ This is good exercise for the gums, and it makes the peoples run away really fast. I’ve actually kept a record of all the tushies I’ve bitten. If I make it to a thousand I get a new flea collar, and that is my goal.”
Parvo: “Would you ever divulge the secrets of the Road Rovers?”
Blitz: “Never!”
Parvo: “And if you were tortured...?”
Blitz: “What exactly is it you would like to know?”
(Later)
Colleen: “Hey, what’s the bloomin’ idea? Who are you blokes? What do you want with us?”
Parvo: “We’ll ask the questions, Rover. Now, tell us everything. Who are you?”
Colleen: “Well, there’s not much to tell really. I’m Colleen. Hello! I was born at an
early age, went to obedience school, and flunked paper training, so, watch your step. My passions include chasing the mailman, squeaky toys shaped like bananas, and nice sizzling shanks of fatty pork. Nummy! Would you like to know more?”
Parvo: “No, that’s plenty.”
Colleen: “Good. Then I can go?”
(Door slams shut.)
Colleen: “I’ll take that as a probable no.”
(Later.)
Parvo: “State your name.”
Exile: “Exile Lo Vikalovitch Sand Husky.”
Parvo: “What kind of a name is that!?”
Exile: “It is Russian! All Russian names are like this.”
(Later.)
Parvo: “State your name.”
Muzzle: “Rrrrrrrr...”
Parvo: “Your name!”
Muzzle: “RRRRrrrrrr...”
Parvo: “What is your name!”
Muzzle: “ROWRRRrrrrr...”
Parvo: “Oh, nevermind. Next!”
(Later.)
Parvo: “Tell us about the inner-workings of the Road Rovers.”
Shag: “Ra rah ra rawer.”
Parvo: “What did he say?”
Colleen: “He says he wants his lawyer.”
Shag: “Rrreah!”
Parvo: “Stop stalling and tell us your secrets, NOW!”
Shag: “Rokay.....(big breath).... Rwell, Radum rallim rabungam rwarmgh umgh angh angh angh angh ulp aralm ang cht cht cht cht rit da roat beff slp ulem ehng esg she alm thsup algum so good. Ang dhwe sdjeh.”
Colleen: “Well, there ya have it.”
Parvo: “Have what?”
Colleen: “Shag’s secret recipe for Kung Poa Chicken.”
Shag: “Rwawa rawara.”
Colleen: “Mixed with toilet water. Serves 10.”
Parvo: “Okay, Rovers, the game is over!”
(Metal blinds come up to reveal the bad guys)
(Rovers in unison)
(All): “Aaaaaaaah!! (gasps)”
Colleen: “Parvo!”
Exile: “And the Groomer!”
Hunter: “Whaddya think?”
Colleen: “Well, we could try your plan, or.... we might try a plan that actually works.”
Hunter: “Yeah, tough choice. Total toss up.”
(Using super power freezing stare)
Exile: “I give you cold shoulder, and cold head, cold back, cold tushy.”
Blitz: “Leave the tushies to me and let the biting begin.”
(Ordering Lunch at a takeout)
Hunter: “Yeah, we need 12 jumbos with the works, six fries, five root beers, and... hey, Blitz, what do you wanna drink?”
Blitz: “Do they have peppermint milkshakes?”
(Sarcastically)
Hunter: “Oh, yeah, they got a big vat of those out back.”
(Finishing order)
Hunter: “Make that 6 milkshakes.”
(Muttering to himself disgustedly.)
Hunter: “Peppermint milkshakes.”
Exile: “Delicious! What is it they are calling the meat tube inside small bread loaf?”
Hunter: “Oh, that’s the great American meal... The Hot Dog.”
Exile: “The Hot Dog? Why for is it named like this?”
Colleen: “No one really knows.”
Exile: “Oh no! I am eating one of my dog comrades! I am cannibal boy!”
Hunter: “Nah, it’s not made from dog.”
Exile: “Then why call it hot dog?”
Colleen: “Because it’s served warm and shaped like a dachshund.”
Exile: “Aghah! It’s wiener dog friend! Now I am doing the choking!”
(gag, gag, gag)
Blitz: “Here, let me hiemlich you.”
Exile: “Don’t even think about it.”
Colleen: “That treaty signing at the U.N. went better than I expected.”
Exile: “I just wish Blitz hadn’t bitten Sam Donaldson.”
Blitz: “I had no choice. His toupee attacked me.”
Parvo: “Before we lower you into the molten hot rocks, Rovers, any last requests?”
Blitz: “Yes, I have one, would you make me a nice refreshing peppermint milkshake?”
Parvo: “Request denied. Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”
(Saying disgustedly)
Exile: “Peppermint milkshake.”
Blitz: “I like minty things. So sue me.”
(Drinking a Peppermint milkshake)
Exile: “You know, Blitz, this Peppermint milkshake is pretty goodsky.”
Blitz: “Told you so.”
Exile: “I guess you’re not such a weird boy afterall.”
Blitz: “You really mean that?”
Exile: “No, I’m just making conversation. You’re way weird boy.”
Back to *R*.
