Title: Everyone's A Critic
By: JayKay
Rated: PG
Pairing: S/H
Category: Humor
Summary: On Hallowe'en, Harry decides to enjoy a horror movie marathon with Severus.
Disclaimers: All HP characters and concepts are copyrighted by JKR and WB. This is for non-profit, entertainment purposes only.
Notes: This is set in present day, and it assumes Harry and Severus have been together a while.
"Oh, please."
"What?"
"That's not at all right."
"What's not?"
"The mummy. I don't care how many people you drain of essential fluids, you're going to stay shriveled up. You're a mummy. You've been embalmed and stuck in a pyramid in an arid desert. You're not going to sip a bit of life essence and suddenly turn into a handsome bald man wearing a scanty loincloth."
"You think he's handsome?"
"He has nice hands."
"Hhmm... I'm partial to the one with the facial tattoos, myself."
smirking "Of course you are. He has a big nose."
leering "Well, you know what they say about men with big noses." pause for dramatic effect "They have a keen sense of smell."
disgruntled snort
rustle of fabric, followed by soft noises that sound remarkably like warm, moist lips nipping at bare skin
"Stop that. The movie isn't over yet."
"I thought you weren't interested."
"I said it's inaccurate. I didn't say I wasn't interested."
long silence
"And since when do mummies know martial arts, anyway?"
*~*~*
"What's this one?"
"'American Werewolf in London'."
snort "We should've had Lupin over to watch. He could tell us if it's more accurate than the last one."
"He's seen it. Said they pretty much got it right, except he's never had dreams about running naked through the woods, chasing deer."
"There's an image I could have gone the rest of my life without having it taint my brain."
*~*~*
"Oh, for God's sake. Turn it off."
"What? Why?"
"I saw the bloody strings on the bat! This is wretched. And for your information, vampires do *not* dress in formal evening wear, or skulk around menacingly behind capes."
"All right, all right. Let's see if you like the Hammer version better. It's got Peter Cushing in it."
"Isn't he the fellow from that other movie you showed me once? The one with the heavy breathing man in black armor?"
"'Star Wars', and yes, he is."
"Yes, play that one next. I rather like him."
smiling "You would."
*~*~*
"Rewind that bit."
"What -- *again*?"
"Yes, I want to see it again."
from the TV: sounds of a tape being rewound, then, "It's alive... It's *alive*!"
"Fascinating..."
"Want me to get some parchment and a quill, so you can take notes?"
"Oh, do shut up. I'm trying to watch this."
"You're not going to get any ideas now, are you?"
vaguely "What?"
"The minute you show up with a new assistant named Igor, we're through. I mean it."
"What? What are you blathering about? Can't it wait til the movie is over?"
affectionate chuckle "All right, I'll just get us some more popcorn, shall I?"
"Mm."
*~*~*
"That's it? That was the last one?"
"Severus, we watched four movies. It would've been five, if you'd been able to stand the Lugosi film, and it's nearly two in the morning. Aren't you tired?"
"Not really, no. Are you?"
"No, but I don't want to watch anymore movies right now."
"What do you want to do, then?"
"Well... I *do* have an idea..."
the soft, moist noises start up again
much, much later
softly "Happy Hallowe'en, Severus."
snore
-End-
