Last year, Around the time MEW started training I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend. For four years were were best friends in high school. I told her everything, and she told me everything. Or So I thought. At the start of my senior year we started going out and everything was really great. I was happy. I was a Senior in Highschool. MEW was coming into action. Art was fun. I had tons of inspiration and I felt like I was "Mike". Then she and I broke up. I found that she wasn't the person that I thought loved me, but rather the person that I wanted to love me. A lot of serious bullshit went on and so did my life. At first I was depressed and crushed. A four year friendship and a good 10 month relationship was all bullshit when it was said and done. Then MEW got more serious. Practice 4 days a week. My life was taken over.

My depression. My crushed self moved on to become the "MEW-All Day and All Night" person that I am now. I eat, breathe, sleep, dream, pray, drink, everything, all, completely Maniak Enterprise Wrestling. I always say it and hopefully never will stop saying it...MEW was based on a group of friends doing what they love. Then slowly, I realize that people don't care about "Mike" or MEW...its just ME. "Me. Me. Me." Who am "I" "working"? When am "I" getting paid? Why can't "I" work other feds? Well, honestly...The whole Mr. MiGo thing that's started in MEW should of started in real life back in August when MEW started. One wrestler doesn't make or break MEW...its the group effort. MEW is a Team Sport. MEW is a family. MEW doesn't "use" "workers"...MEW gives friends and new faces a chance. Its a chance I never got. Back a few years ago, I was fully into Indys. I wanted to get a chance. I wanted to be a manager, commentator...something. Every fed I talked to shot me down. Every fed I talked to "liked Mike"...but he "just isn't what we're looking for"....so I started MEW to take in myself and the other local misfits that "don't fit in". Its just like my whole love life situations...Girls "like Mike"...but I'm "just not what she's looking for"... The thing is, the movie Weird Science isn't real and I make a woman. lol "We'll have a spot for you in time, Mike...just don't give up"...."You'll find a girl in time, Mike...just don't give up" Its the same bullshit all the fucking time. Don't give up...I have never given up. I've never "tap out" or "powder"...I am "Mike" and I "try my hardest"....Where has that gotten me?

In MEW, I currently have the best set of friends I can honestly say I ever have had. MEW just got off our best show to date. People are coming to me and asking for work. They want to be apart of MEW. As Nine Inch Nail's song "Down in It" says...."Everything I never liked about you...is kinda seeping into me"....I'm not the asshole that says "No....but don't give up"...I'm now the asshole I never wanted to be. I want to find a place for everyone. I want to make people happy...but if its not for the better of MEW then its not going to happen. But hey..."don't give up". I want to at times. "Give up" that is. Sometimes things become unbareable. Sometimes I want to run off and hide from everything. Sometimes I just simply want to die. But those assholes...those friends in MEW that keep me going. Its the Shaun's, John's, and Bill's that kick me in the ass and get me going again. Its the Fuz's and Tank's that make me smile. Its the Joe's and Jason's that keep my inspiration up. MEW does NOT equal "Mikey"...MEW is MEW. I'm not the poster boy for MEW and never have been. Who would want a poster of me...C'mon! Everything is fine. Everything is moving along great. Then it all happened.

I found someone I really like. She's great. She's seriously EVERYTHING I could want. Think to yourself..."What is my definition of my perfect woman/or man?"....Well, I found mine. We've been talking a lot and I think we're good "friends"...but I am so insecure. I'm so afraid of being hurt. When I'm around her I am "Mike"...I am who I want to be. Within minutes of her not being around or me not hearing her voice I am back to being insecure. I'm so fucking depressed. I know Mike..."keep trying my hardest"...Keep "working hard"...Whatever. I know whats going on. I know when I don't have a chance. Its exactly like that Nine Inch Nail's song, "Something I can never have"...infact I am feeling so much like the whole CD that that song is on, "The Pretty Hate Machine". I let myself fall "in love"...I let myself get carried into many fantasies of what could actually be. I let myself do things I never wanted to do. I let myself go off into a dazed and giddy state of mind.

So as I was saying in the first paragraph...I couldn't sleep. I layed there and thought about myself and who I am and who I "think" I am. I realized that I never really had a chance with her. Shes everything I want...which is also everything I can't have. If things do work out for some reason, I could end up being really happy. But until then I'm empty. I'm just another ugly face in a room full of whores. No...I don't mean much.

I am sorry. This had to be a boring commentary, I I atleast got something off my back.

Never "your type",
Mikey MiGo/Michael Goodpaster