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Gardeners
Retreat |
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I have had a great many letters over the past few
weeks from people pleading with me, to help them with the all to common problem of garden
pests. I would like it known from the outset, that I read every letter I receive
personally in my beautiful white Victorian garden summer house. But quite frankly, I
have to say, your spelling is fucking appalling , not to mention your pathetic and
painfully moronic attempts at grammar and punctuation. Even a retarded garden slugs
fucking mucous trail across a piece of used toilet paper is more interesting to read than
most of your spastic scribbles...........
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Common
Garden Pests
THE COMMON GARDEN SLUG.
Now I have been criticised in the past for my rather draconian measures when dealing with
these disgusting little snot sacks. You are already probably familiar with slug
pellets, or the more bio friendly egg shells. But lets not forget how much we really
fucking detest them...I recommend you purchase a Kalashnikov Assault Rifle AK74.
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The AKS-74 is a highly effective automatic weapon designed for
slug extermination at a range of 1000 m. The system automation operates on
propellant gases driven through a vent in the barrel. The 5,56 mm AK-74 is a modernized
version of the 5,45 mm AKS-74 to comply with RHS standard cartridges. A metal folding butt
is fitted and the construction generally features a basic individual weapon of
garden centre employees, general gardeners as well as specialist botanist groups. |
ANTS, GREEN / BLACK FLY AND THINGS THAT CRAWL. Most of us use pyrethrine based sprays of some description which, may or
may not be effective over a short period of time. I say why fucking bother . We all
fucking detest anything with more than two legs and two eyes in our gardens. Lets get down
to some serious pest control...MK2 Rockeye II Cluster bomb.
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The MK 20 Rockeye is an aphid and ant cluster bomb.
Immediately after opening it dispenses 247 shaped-charge antiant bomblets. It is very
effective against garden pests. The Rockeye cluster bomb is a special-purpose weapon
designed to destroy large numbers of small targets, such as small spiders,ants, snails or
aphids. When it is released, it falls some distance, then bursts, releasing a cloud of
bomblets, each of which produces its own small explosion. A single Rockeye can cover a
fair amount of terrain, and destroy several targets at a go. They can be targeted with the
CCIP (Continuously Calculated Impact Point) or used in dive bombing. Rockeyes are
most effective if released from an altitude of a few hundred feet: this gives the bomblets
time to spread, and enables them to cover a larger area. |
- LARGER GARDEN PESTS. You are all familiar with the problem most
people have with cats...pissing and crapping everywhere ..digging up your marijuana
plants. A few of the more common ones your likely to come across lurking behind that
wilting hydrangea are pictured below...
- Now normally the use of a small bamboo stick
on the back of the neck, a quick slap with the hand across the animals face or just a
regular throwing of a glass of water will do the trick...they will get the message and
won't be back to chew on your precious flower heads....but if all else fails why not try a
M270A1 GPS Rocket launcher.
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The M270A1 program includes two major upgrades to the current
M270 launcher. First is the Improved Fire Control System (IFCS), which replaces obsolete,
maintenance-intensive hardware and software, providing growth potential for future
munitions and the potential for reduced launcher operation and support costs. A Global
Positioning System-aided navigation system for the launcher is being developed as part of
IFCS to supplement the existing inertial position-navigation system. |
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