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Safety Guide

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TEN TIPS FOR YOUR SAFETY DURING A THUNDER STORM.

1)  If alone....remove all of your clothing and throw yourself to the ground, placing both hands on your buttocks..

2)  If with a group of people. Remove all of your clothing and throw yourselves to the ground forming a large heap, placing both your hands on the nearest persons buttocks.

3) If you think you are about to be struck by lightning. Do one of the following things.

  Scream.  
2 Place a bag over your head and run around in circles screaming.
3 Pretend to be a piece of rubber.
4 Ask someone else to stand where you are standing.

4) If you are standing near a tree, Cut it down.

5) If you are in the open carrying an umbrella or a golf club. remember you cant play golf with an umbrella. Well you can but I don't recommend it.

6) Remember lightning can strike even from an apparently blue sky. If you are  in any doubt you might be struck, take your clothes off immediately. Follow rule number one or two.

7) Follow rule number two because its fun. But remember to practice safe sex.

8) Your hair may stand on end prior to you being struck by lightning. If this  happens cut your hair off. If anything else stands on end. better think quickly.

9) If you are indoors do one of the following.

1 Turn off all electrical devices. Except those which may be giving you a great deal of pleasure.
2 If  you are on the telephone , ask the person you are calling to phone you back. This may save you money.
3 If you are in the bath, don't forget to wash behind your ears.
4 If you are standing near an open door or window, chances are you are getting wet.  Don't be an Idiot.

 

10)  If someone is unlucky enough to be struck by lightning. Don't panic. determine the persons condition and follow these simple rules.

If the person is.....

DEAD This mean safety tips 1 to 9 are useless, forget them and take the persons money.
PARALYZED       Tell the patient not to move, take their money and run.
BLIND AND DEAF Hit them with a cricket bat.
DISORIENTATED    Ask them to hold your golf club and place them on higher ground.
NAKED         Do what ever you like...but don't forget to find their money afterwards