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Jigoku Times Best Sellers List The most illustrious newspaper in Hell, the Jigoku Times, is proud to present it's Weekly (yeah right) Best Sellers List. In other words, Phibrizo books! 1. Everything I Need to Learn About Life I Learned From Phibrizo, by Rakmord Fulhom (542nd edition)- Fulhom provides insightful anecdotes about life, from early childhood onwards. Includes the classic list that you've all seen on posters by now, and a brand new epilogue for the third epilogue. 2. Humans Are From Earth, Mazoku Are From the Sea of Chaos- an amusing and enlightening look at humans and Mazoku. Can they understand each other enough to make their relationships work? Not without this book! The perennial favorite with house-Mazoku everywhere! 3. Soul-orbs, by Danielle Steel- Like every Steel novel, the one word title says all it needs to. No, actually, it's about the romance that blossoms between a successful sorceress and a lonely swordsman when they are destroyed by their shattered souls. But when her old flame, a notorious highwayman, arrives, will he steal back her heart? 4. Beauty Fades, But Phibrizo Is Forever, by Judge Juliss Schweinewelt- some of the most idiotic court cases Hell has every seen, retold with the wit and eternal bitchiness that made Judge Julie infamous. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent, since this is Hell, and there's no such thing as 'innocent'. 5. Never Stand Too Close To a Naked Hellmaster, by Tim Allen- the comedian's humorous and often insightful look at being a Hellmaster. Chock full of anecdotes from the disasterous week he was in charge of Hell while Phibrizo was on vacation. Other Items Ooozing Mazoku-ness: I Was a Teenaged Hellmaster- a 1991 film featuring the Corey's (all of them!) chronicalling the thoughts of a young boy who finds himself in a position of prestige- being a Hellmaster in a normal world. Can he bring himself to subjugate the masses as they so richly deserve? Or will he chicken out and keep his heart? Dir en Grey, Hisoka (CD)- Dir en Grey's triumphant new album, with a new remix of their single “Blast Bomb”. Songs range from the fully instrumental “Lord Of Nightmares” to the old-school punk feel of “Sherra” to the death-like wailing on “Geheimnis- himitsu no katachi wa kimi no furueru shinzou wa boku no hisokana shinda koi”. The band has surpassed itself, with lyrics more morbid than ever, heavy industrial effects, and the perfect cello solo complimented by Kyo, panting like he's dying. Dungeons and Dragons Second Edition (Tabletop RPG)- Have you ever played 2nd Edition? Yeah, you can feel the Mazoku in it. Now roll as many different-sided dice as possible, and hope one of them was the right one. Heroes of Chaos and Destruction III (computer game)- Mazoku take back the computer gaming world with this title by 3d20 and Old Universe Computing. Destroy empires, break down the civil system, and bust up Saillune like noone else can in this newest edition to the Heroes of Chaos and Destruction line. Windows- It's Evil. 'nuff said. |
Pun Guide:
“Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From
Kindergarten” by Robert Fulham
“Beauty Fades, Dumb Is Forever” by Judge Judy (Judith
Scheindlint (sp)) 'Schweinewelt' is a song by the German punk
band WIZO, and means “Pig World”
“Don't Stand Too Close To A Naked Man” by Tim Allen
“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”
~any Danielle Steel book. They all have simple titles. Summary
makes fun of romance in general (in case you do't read romance)
~I Was A Teenaged Werewolf, an old 80s movie
~D&D 2ed is real. It's generally considered a mess as far as
the rules and over-all system. I like it, though....
~Heroes of Might and Magic by 3DO and New World Computing. Love
this game too.
~I happen to use Windows. But that doesn't mean it doesn't torture me.
~and 'jigoku' is the Japanese word for Hell. It fit the meter of
the title better, don't you think?
Dir album joke guide:
~I love Dir en Grey. I just think they're perfect for Mazoku
consumption. Even the songs that sound happy or loving turn out
to be wicked depressing or disturbing when you read the lyrics.
The album 'Hisoka' is of course completely fictitious.
“Hisoka” means 'secret'. This establishes a certain
Xelloss-like theme with the album.
“Blast Bomb” is a spell in Slayers, and we should all
know who the Lord of Nightmares is.
“Sherra” is the name of one of Dynast Grausherra's
generals, who took a female form. On the albums “macabre”
and “Kisou”, Dir had a song titled with a woman's name
that had a kind of old school punk feel ('audrey' and 'JESSICA'
were the songs, respectively) . You know, the kind of heavier,
pre-pop-punk punk. As an interesting side note, Dir's vocalist,
Kyo, seems to have a thing for writing songs about Sid Vicious.
“Geheimnis” is German for 'secret'. “himitsu no
katachi wa kimi no furueru shinzou wa boku no hisokana shinda koi”
means 'the shape of a secret is your trembling heart (literally,
the heart in your chest) is my secret dead love'. The whole title
is a take on the title track of their second album “macabre”
which had a huge partial sentence after it.
