Born of boredom, continued because I thought it'd be funny. This is supposed to be a funny little fic about Gentatsu in Hell. Be warned, noone really acts in character. To attempt to dissuade me from writing more of this kind of weirdness in the future, please write.
The after-life was boring. One got tired of staring at the dreary landscape all day- or night, or whatever. Even the most patient of dead guys eventually got stir-crazy.
And Gentatsu was quite bored. He'd traded war stories with all his old comrades and compared notes with the rest of the "I Got Killed By the Battousai" Club. He watched his sister and Shigure. Hell, he even watched the Battousai! He normally wasn't a very active person- except for swordmanship, he rarely did anything physical. He'd been born a thinker, not a doer. But thinking was out of the question. He only thought about depressing stuff, like why weren't Toki and Shigure falling in love, or how the heck did the Battousai find the time to kill all those people back then? On the verge of building a tower out of some of the skulls that were lying around, he got it.
He'd write a book!
He sat down with a pen and paper (where they came from, he had no idea, but they were there when he needed them), and began to write. He started with "once upon a time" (mukashi mukashi....) and ended with "the end" (owari!). Of course, the middle was the problem. He stared at the paper for awhile.
"Damn! Writing is hard work!" he exclaimed out loud.
"Writing?" someone scoffed. "Why would you want to write?"
Gentatsu turned and regarded the man who appeared. He was a little man with Western clothes and had a head that looked rather like a mushroom.
"To keep busy," he finally said, and turned back to his work.
"Bah," the little man's voice interrupted. "Writing is a waste of time here! There are too many things to be done!"
"Really?" Gentatsu looked up, wondering if the man was mad. Hell was devoid of anything resembling something to do. "Please, enlighten me as to what there possibly is to do in this place." He waved an arm, gesturing to the dark landscape.
The little man looked smug and psychotic at the same time- a amazing feat in Gentatsu's eyes. "As Shishio's first aide, I have many things to do."
Gentatsu wondered what he should ask first, or if he should ask anything at all. Finally, he gave in. "Okay. I'm biting. What's a Shishio?"
"Shishio is not a 'what'! Shishio-sama is the greatest man who ever lived! And after he takes over this pit, I shall be sure to tell his Greatness of your disrespect, and he will punish you!" The mushroom-headed man's face got very red.
"I meant no disrespect. I'd just never heard of any Shishios."
"Never heard of-" The little man looked bewildered. "Where have you been?!"
Gentatsu raised his eyebrows. He wasn't normally given to sarcasm, but he'd make an exception here... The little man waved his hand, dismissing the reply Gentatsu bit back. "Shishio Makoto. The visionary. The Battousai's successor."
"Oh. Sorry."
"How could you not have heard of the Great Shishio-sama?" The little man looked scandalized.
"Ever heard of the IGKB?"
"The I Got Killed By the Battousai Club? Of course. It's one of the largest groups of our era."
"Takatsuki Gentatsu. Vice-secretary
in charge of Records. I was dead before the esteemed Shishio-san
took his place." He flashed his card. The embossed seal of
the IGKB was apparent next to his picture. The little man nodded
sagely.
"The Battousai killed many people. Tell me, were you any good?"
"That's on odd thing to ask."
Mushroom-head shrugged. "Were you?"
Gentatsu paused. He normally didn't like to brag- with some of the people here, he felt he couldn't. Okita Soushi could probably whup him during a coughing fit. But Takatsuki's didn't lie. Unless they had to.
"I was called 'hitokiri' back then," he started. "One of Kanuma's Crows."
"There were only three crows..." the little man said thoughtfully. "Perhaps..." Hope glinted in his eyes, a mad, devoted, absolutely insane hope. Gentatsu was suddenly- and only slightly irrationally- more afraid than he'd ever been while he was alive.
"Oh, look at the time! I've got an officers meeting. See ya." Gentatsu tucked his "book" under his arm and left the madman, trying his best not to run before his was out of sight. It was a lame excuse, but he wasn't techinically lying. It was poker night, after all.
.....
"What do you think he wanted?" he asked his fellow officers.
"Probably to for you to join them in Shishio's little crusade," the president said wisely.
"Ugh. He sounds like a madman," Gentatsu shuddered. "Imagine, taking over. He wants to take over Hell!" The small group snickered. "That- what's his name? Houji?- that Houji's a born sycophant, and twice as crazy as the guy he works for, I bet!"
"You're unusually expressive today, Takatsuki-kun."
"I'm just excited," he assured the president as she giggled softly. "I'm planning on winning back all the money you cheated off me last week! Get ready for a butt-whuppin', Tomoe-dono!"
Told ya it was bad.
