THE BLUES BROTHERS

[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood with her stick.]
Elwood: You fat penguin

Jake Blues: Ya see, me and the Lord have an understanding.

Cab Calloway: Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way.

Soul Food Cafe Owner: Help you two?
Elwood: Do you have nay white bread ma'am?
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Yeah.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: You want any jam on that honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
Jake: Have you got any fried chicken ma'am?
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Best damned chicken in the state!
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: You want chickens wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Y’all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.
Soul Food Cafe Owner: Be right back.

Elwood Blues: Illinois Nazis.
Jake Blues: I hate Illinois Nazis.

Elwood Blues: The light was yellow, sir.

[Jake Blues is released on parole and gets back all the things he wore when he was arrested]
Corrections Officer: One Timex digital watch - broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]
Elwood Blues: You don't like it?
Jake Blues: No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]
Jake Blues: Of course it's got a lot of pickup...
Elwood Blues: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[A brief thinking pause while Jake Blues lights a cigarette]
Jake Blues: Fix the cigarette lighter.

[While standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany]
Jake: The band...the band...
Rev. Cleophus: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!
Jake: THE BAND!!!
Rev. Cleophus: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?!!
Elwood: What light?!
Rev. Cleophus: DO YOU SEEEE THE LIGHT?!
Jake: YES!! YES!! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST...I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!

Reverend Cleophus James: Praise God!
Elwood: And God bless the United States of America!

Jake Blues: How often does the train go by?
Elwood Blues: So often you don't even notice it.

Elwood: Oh no!
Jake: What the fuck was that?
Elwood: We threw a rod!
Jake: Is that serious?
Elwood: Yup.

Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

Jake Blues: How much for the little girl? Your women - how much for the women?

Mrs. Tarantino: Are you the police?
Elwood Blues: No, ma'am. We're musicians.

Jake Blues: I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Curtis: Well, the Sister was right. You boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock, and catch Rev. Cleophus. You boys listen to what he's got to say!
Jake: Curtis, I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about Heaven and Hell!
Curtis: Jake, you get wise! You get to church!

Jake Blues: [to Sister Mary Stigmata] 5 grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no, I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake Blues: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language]
Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake Blues: I offered to help you... You refused to take out money. Then I said; I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood Blues: Christ Jake! Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues: Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood Blues: Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues: Shit!

Jake Blues: You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood Blues: What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you.

[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up behind them. The words are said in the same rhythm as a blues song ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo]
Elwood Blues: Shit!
Jake Blues: What?
Elwood Blues: Rollers...
Jake Blues: No!
Elwood Blues: Yeah.
Jake Blues: Shit!

Elwood Blues: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Jake Blues: First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood Blues: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God!

[While they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on their tail]
Elwood Blues: Baby clothes...
Jake Blues: This place has got everything.

[Repeated line]
Elwood Blues: We're on a mission from God.

Murph: Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray: Ah, you have a good eye, my man. That's the best in the city Chicago.
Jake Blues: How much?
Ray: 2000 bucks and it's yours. You can take it home with you. As a matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Elwood Blues: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western.

Jake Blues: Book us for tomorrow night.
Maury Sline: Hold it, hold it. "Tomorrow night", what are you talking about. A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.
Elwood Blues: I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life.

Police Dispatcher: Use of unnecssary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers HAS been approved.

Burton Mercer: Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips!

Elwood Blues: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues: Hit it!