1. How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.


2. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

Humpme Dumpme.


3. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in their ear.


4. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

It takes too long to retrain them.


5. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

There's white-out on the screen.


6. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

There's writing on the white-out.


7. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?

She picks up her purse and goes home.


8. Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

The vegetable garden.


9. Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?

They can't fit 8 quarts of water in that little package


10. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?

Thanks for the refill


11. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

An interpreter


12. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

Branch Manager


13. How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?

Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer


14. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds


15. A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"


16. A blonde was feeling low on cash so she decided to go to one of the local playgrounds and kidnap a kid for ransom.
So she grabbed a little boy and wrote a note saying, "I have kidnapped your son. Place $10,000 in a paper bag under the pecan tree tomorrow morning as ransom." Then she pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home.
The next day, sure enough, the blonde found the sack under the pecan tree with the $10,000 inside and another note reading, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"


17. A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart now... if you want to you can follow me over to Target."


18. An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of. The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky 20 pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"


19. How many blondes does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

One-to hold it in the socket and wait for the world to rotate beneath her.


20. A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when........

the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.


21. Why did the blonde climb up on the roof of the bar?

She was told drinks were on the house.


22. What's the difference between a dead blonde in the road and a dead skunk in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.