Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often... and for the same reason

One day a man walked into a pet shop & asked for an unusual pet. "I know just the thing." said the assistant, "A clever centipede!" "What does it do?" asked the man. "Everything you tell it to," came the reply. The man tok the clever centipede home and asked it to fetch his slippers, which it did. It turned on the TV, made him a cup of tea, even vacuumed and ironed. The man remembered that he hadn't bought a newspaper, so he sent the clever centipede out for one. after waiting for 2 hours, there was still no sign of the centipede. Approaching the door, he spotted the centipede on the stairs." Where have you been?" he asked. "Nowhere," said the centipede."I'm still putting my boots on."

A man caught a boy stealing apples in an orchard. grabbing the boy by the arm, he announced that he was taking him to the farmer for punishment. HAlfway there the boy remembered he'd left his cap behind. "I'll wait here while you get it," said the man. He didnt see the boy again. The next week, he caught the same boy in the orchard." This time, you're going to see the farmer if i have to drag you all the way," said the man. Before they reach the farm, the boy piped up, "Mister, I've left my cap in the orchard." The man gave a scornful laugh."You wont catch me like that again, my lad," he said."You wait here. I'll go get it."

QUESTION: Why is a modem better than a woman? ANSWER: a modem doesnt complain if you sit and play at the computer all night. a modem doesnt mind if you talk to other modems. a modem will sit patiently and wait by the phone. a modem comes with an instruction manual.