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Only In America...!
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to creen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Great Quotes From The Past:
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the
way out."
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943. "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp.,1977 "There is no reason anyone
would want a computer in their home."
"Popular Mechanics," forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949. "Computers in the future may
weigh no more than 15 tons."
Western Union internal memo, 1876. "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously
considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
David Sarnoff's associate’s in response to his urgings for investment in radio in the 1920s "The wireless
music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in
particular?"
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight
delivery service. (Smith later went on to found Federal Express Corp.) “The concept is interesting and
well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers Studios, 1927. "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone with the Wind." "I'm just glad it'll be
Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs! -from MasScatt
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. ... It could be a right number.
Think about this..... No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
[arizona_humor] Years Best Headlines:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
"The best things in life aren't things." Anonymous
Thank You for Visiting!
