New York City. As good as it was to be home, Justin was terrified of what would happen with Brian. In the last two days they had both been catching up with the work they had missed and with their friends that they had only seen each other once and it was only for a few minutes.



Their dreamland, where they could be together with no problems, was gone. The LA trip was over and, even though they told themselves nothing would change, things already were. Justin was terrified of losing Brian. During the trip he had opened himself up again and didn't want to get hurt.



"Justin," April buzzed her boss. "Brian Kinney is here to see you." Brian had sweet-talked and charmed her into calling him Brian. She figured that something had happened on the trip after seeing the change in Justin.



"Send him in, April." Justin said. He smiled a little. It calmed him a little that Brian had taken the time to come to his office to see him.



When he walked in, Justin felt his groin tighten. It had been only two days and already he got excited like a schoolboy just at seeing Brian. "Hey, baby." Brian said once the door was firmly closed. And locked.



"Hey." Justin stood. He could see that Brian was in a good mood.



"Tell me what you're doing tonight." Brian said as he wrapped his arms around Justin. He had a strange twinkle in his eyes.



"Umm, getting Thai take out and working on the Bradford account?" Justin was sure that Brian had other plans for them and couldn't wait to hear what they were.



"Wrong." Brian leaned down and kissed his lover. "You're having dinner with me, my son, and Lindsay." Justin's heart warmed at knowing that Brian wanted him there during Lindsay's visit.



"Ok." Justin smiled willingly. Brian grinned and kissed him once more.



"And then you're coming to spend the night at my apartment." He growled as he nibbled at Justin's ear. "I can't wait to feel your skin against mine." They began to kiss deeply and press their bodies together.



"Justin." April buzzed. She sounded a little panicked. "Mr. Davis is here and he's on his way in." Before she finished her sentence, there was a rattle on the knob and then a knock on the door. Brian sat down in the chair across from Justin's desk as Justin went to answer the door.



"Roger, good to see you." Justin said with a forced smile.



"Why was the door locked?" Davis asked.



"Brainstorming, sir." Brian brought his presence to his boss's attention. "We're trying to put the finishing touches on the LA account and we didn't want to be disturbed."



"Always the hard workers." Davis said approvingly. "Listen, the reason I'm here, Justin, is that my niece is in town and I need someone to show her around. I immediately thought of you."



Justin sensed a set up and groaned inwardly. "When, sir?" He asked.



"Tonight." Davis said firmly. It was obvious that he wasn't going to take no for an answer easily. Justin paused for a second before declining.



"Actually, I have dinner plans tonight with an old friend who's only in town until tomorrow morning." He replied apologetically. He decided that there was no way his boss would make him cancel his plans.



"Tomorrow then." Davis had already made the decision. "She just graduated from USC and moved here to look for a job. I need someone to show her the city. Who better than someone close to her own age?”



Brian wanted to lash out 'Don't you know he's gay? Gay!!’ but he kept silent. He wondered why the company CEO wasn't aware that Justin was gay, he had never been one to hide it. He returned his attention to the conversation and found that Justin had agreed to take the girl out. He couldn't believe it.



"Thanks, Taylor. Keep up the good work, you two." And with that, Davis was gone, having only taken a couple of minutes to shake things up completely.



"Are you hetero now? And you didn't tell me?" Brian asked sarcastically.



"It isn't a date." Justin grumbled. He too, however, was feeling a little trapped. Brian looked at him for a few minutes before bursting into laughter.



"Ok, Mikey." He said mockingly. Justin came around the desk and smacked him in the arm. "Why doesn't good old breeding Roger know that you're queer anyways?"



"I don't broadcast my sex life around the office." Justin's excuse was weak and Brian pointed this out.



"Sorry excuse, Justin." He shook his head. "You were never afraid to admit that you're gay before, what the hell happened?"



"I'd like to keep my job. I have life easy right now and I don't need the complications that I had when I was in high school and in college." Justin sat down behind his desk, angry at Brian's disapproval.



"I'm sorry, Justin. I didn't mean to be a shit." Justin looked skeptically. Brian was apologizing? "One of the things that I always admired about you was that you weren't afraid of showing who you were, not at school, not with your family, never." Justin's eyes nearly filled with tears at Brian's admission. He started to wonder if maybe he had been wrong and things weren't going to change now that they were home.



"Thanks, Bri." Justin stood again and hugged Brian close. It was the most comforting feeling in the world to have Brian's arms around him.



*.*.*.*



"We've missed you, both of you." Lindsay said at dinner than night. They had decided to go to a family pizza place since, at five, Gus's manners weren't ideal for a fancy restaurant.



"Yeah, Daddy!" Gus wailed. "When are you coming home?"



"Gus, I told you, Daddy lives in New York now but we'll come visit him and he'll visit us." Lindsay explained to her son once again.



"Justin, are you coming back to Pittsburgh?" Gus asked.



"No, I live here too, Gus." Justin smiled. He had missed the young boy more than words could say.



"Do you live with Daddy?" Gus asked sweetly. Justin nearly spit out his Pepsi at the question and decided to let Brian explain that.



"No, Sonny Boy, Justin has his own apartment." Brian explained. "But maybe one day..." He looked at Justin, the question in his eyes. Justin smiled slightly to let Brian know that it was something he hoped for too.



*.*.*.*



"So, what are you going to wear on your date tomorrow night?" Brian teased Justin as they lay in bed together later that night.



"Shut up, Bri. It isn't a date. I'm doing Roger a favor." Justin pulled out of Brian's arms and pouted.



"Uncle Rog." Brian chucked and pulled Justin close again. "Don't let her turn you straight." He whispered. "I don't want some girl to steal you from me."



"So, we're... together?" Justin asked.



"Well, you're here and generally when you're with another person you and that person are together." Brian cleverly covered himself because he was afraid to answer the question.



"Brian, what are we?"



"We're men, Justin. Like I told you once before, we aren't some married couple. We're queers." Brian sighed. He could barely admit to himself that he wanted them to have locks on their doors, just so he wouldn't lose Justin again.



"Ok." Justin rolled over and closed his eyes. He was less than thrilled with the answer to his question but knew that he couldn't ask Brian for more until he was ready.



"Justin, what's wrong?" Brian asked impatiently. Justin reminded him of a spoiled child, instead of a 24 year old man, when he acted this way.



"I guess I'm just afraid that things are going to be different here than they were in LA." Justin admitted. "And I don't want that to happen."



"Justin, nothing will change." Brian said with exasperation.



"Ok. Can we go to sleep now?" Justin obviously didn't want to have a long, drawn out conversation with Brian about their relationship. Brian noted that this was another change in Justin that he hadn't anticipated.



*.*.*.*



"Justin Taylor, this is my niece Jenna Manning." Roger introduced the two in the lobby of the building at the end of the workday.



"Nice to meet you," Justin said graciously. Jenna pasted on a smile and held out her hand, which Justin shook obligingly.



"Nice to meet you, too." She said.



"You two kids have fun tonight." Roger said with a smile before hurrying back up to his office to leave the two twenty-something’s to their own devices.



"Listen," Jenna said slowly, "You don't have to do this. I can tell Uncle Roger that we had a great time but I'm just not interested in dating."



"This... uh... This is a date?" Justin stuttered.



"That's what he told me." Jenna was confused. "Why?"



"He said he wanted someone to show you around. I'm gay." Justin said finally. "He doesn't know." Jenna's face broke into a broad smile.



"Thank god! He's trying to marry me off. He always sets me up with these over eager little do gooders who have no brains and want me barefoot and pregnant in the next year." She groaned. "I majored in criminal law with a minor in women's studies, does he seriously think that I'm going to be a housewife?"



Justin smiled. "Are you a dyke?" He asked. She started to laugh.



"I see your gaydar is intact." She said with a smile.



"It wasn't that. I have a friend, Melanie, who is a lawyer and she minored in women's studies. She's a lesbian too." Justin offered his arm. "Dinner?"



"Definitely." She took his arm and they headed out to a great East Indian restaurant that he knew.



*.*.*.*



"You should tell him." Justin said over dinner. They had been talking about how she had come out to her parents in her freshman year in college but never had the courage to come out to the uncle who doted on her, Roger Davis.



"I know I should. Maybe then he won't sick every single guy with a good job that he knows on me." Jenna replied.



"And maybe then I won't get fired when I tell him that me and Brian are... me and Brian are something." Justin shrugged. Jenna could see the conflict he was experiencing and decided not to ask about it.



"Now that you mention it, maybe I should tell him so that you don't have to go through hell at work." Jenna was serious. She didn't want to see someone innocent get fired for being themselves.



"Thanks, Jenna." Justin said.



"So, tell me about your boyfriend." Jenna suggested and she sipped on some herbal tea.



"Brian? Brian is different." Justin paused. "And I don't think he's my boyfriend." Justin shrugged.



"Then let's go out and party." Jenna said with a smile. "Let's go to Chelsea and find somewhere to go out and dance."



"Ok." Justin smiled. They made their way to a crowded gay bar and went inside. The bar was filled and the music was loud.



"Let's dance." Jenna pulled her hair out of her ponytail and took off her sweater to reveal a trendy tank top.



"Whoa!" Justin chuckled. "If Uncle Roger saw you in this club, wearing that, he'd have a heart attack." Jenna laughed along with him and continued dancing.



After about four dances both of them were getting sweaty so they decided to get drinks. As they made their way to the bar, Jenna pointed to the back corner of the bar and said, "Look, there's a backroom."



Just as Justin looked over he saw a familiar face coming out of the backroom. Brian had his arm around a very attractive young guy. He had thick blonde hair and a similar build to what Justin had when he was that age.



"Holy shit..." Justin whispered.



"Yeah, he's good looking." Jenna was as passionate as she could be when talking about a man's looks. "But just remember that you have your Brian waiting for you at home."



"No, Brian isn't at home. That's him." Justin knocked back a double shot of whiskey.



"Kick the bastard to the curb." Jenna was angry for her new friend. The look on Justin's face was enough to make anyone hurt for him. He looked like he'd just lost his best friend.



*.*.*.*



"So I guess I'll see you later." Jenna said quietly before getting out of the car in front of her uncle's apartment.



"Definitely. And Jenna, tell him." Justin said before she smiled and closed the door. As Justin drove away he finally let himself think about what he had seen at the club. He wasn't sure why he was so surprised to see Brian tricking. Justin knew better than to think Brian had stopped.



The question was whether he could let himself get caught up in the same kind of relationship that had broken his heart three years earlier. He knew that the biggest factor that had led to the end of his relationship with Brian the last time was his tricking.



He made a decision. This was the end.



*.*.*.*



Brian was waiting at his apartment when he got home. When he saw him he wanted so badly to pretend that he hadn't seen anything and pretend that Brian wasn't tricking, but he knew he couldn't do that. He also knew that he couldn't tell Brian what he saw.



"Hey, Baby." Brian purred. "How was your date?" He leaned down to kiss Justin's neck. Justin pulled away and walked into the kitchen.



"She's a dyke." He said flatly. Brian stood looking after him. "What are you doing here?"



"I came to wait for you. I thought I could spend the night." Brian walked into the kitchen and attempted to kiss his lover again, and was denied the pleasure once more. "What's going on?"



"I just don't want you to always be around." Justin said angrily. He was finally letting some of the emotions that had been building since he was at the club out.



"What are you talking about? I just came over to see you. I barely see you." Brian was confused and he couldn't understand Justin's anger.



"Maybe we shouldn't do this, Brian." Justin said firmly, trying to make Brian think that there was no way to sway him on the subject.



"What?" Brian exploded. "After all this! After everything we've been through?"



"Maybe we just aren't good together." Justin shrugged. "Can't we just end it without all the words." He didn't want to talk anymore because he knew what would happen if he caved.



"Fine." Brian grabbed his jacket. "Fuck this. And fuck you, Justin." Justin could see that he had hurt Brian a lot and wondered if he should have talked to him about what he saw at the club.



He sat down and he stared at his hands wondering why he let himself get caught up with Brian Kinney yet again. "Because I love him." He sighed to himself. "I love him so much."



*.*.*.*



Justin walked into the office that morning feeling somewhat less than energized. He hadn't been able to sleep a wink after what had happened with Brian. When he got to his office April was looking at him strangely.



"What?" Justin asked.



"Brian has called like 4 times since I got here." April replied. "What happened?"



"We broke up. I saw him tricking at some club last night." Justin sighed. "When I came home he was waiting for me."



"Oh god." April didn't know what to say so she decided not to say anything else. She handed him his messages and went back to her work. Justin went into his office and sat down at his desk. When he opened his e-mail there was one from Brian. He decided, against his better judgment, to read it.



To: jtaylor@davis.com

From: bkinney@davis.com

Subject: Last Night



J,



I don't know what happened last night and I don't know how to fix things. If I did or said something, please tell me. We need to talk.



B.



Justin decided to write back. He knew that this wasn't going to go away easily. As he started typing he felt all of his emotions being poured into the e-mail.



*.*.*.*



As Brian sat at his desk, absently flipping through papers, he thought about Justin. He was waiting in anticipation to see if Justin would reply to the email he sent or all the phone calls he made. When he heard the sound signaling that he had mail he nearly jumped.



He opened it and read what Justin had to say.



To: bkinney@davis.com

From: jtaylor@davis.com

Re: Last Night



B,



I have to be honest. I've been thinking about things and I don't want to get into our old routine. I need more. I need a real, committed relationship. And I know you well enough to know that you aren't going to give up tricking for me. I think it's better if we end it now than wait and just get hurt. I hope you understand how I feel and will respect that. And I hope we can still work together without too much tension.



J.



Brian sighed and put his head down on his desk. Justin had just hit him with the one thing he didn’t have an argument for. He wasn’t sure if he could ever be completely faithful to one person. There was no way to convince Justin different.







To Be Continued… Brian has to deal with his feelings for Justin and wonders whether he actually could give up tricking for him.

      PART 4 - SAY YOU'D DIE IF I WAS GONE

       FAN FICTION PAGE

Part 3 : It's Too Easy Just To Say It Soft
By HannahKelli
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