{[Home]} {[Gallery]} {[Cast]} {[Biographies]} {[Multimedia]} {[Links]} {[Fan Fiction]} {[Extra]} {[Other]} {[Contact Us]} {[Aaliyah]} {[Eric]} {[About show]} {[Scripts]} {[My Favourites Things]} {[My thoughts]}

Season 1:  Episode 6:  The Script

Opening Theme

Music- "Spunk" by Greek Buck

Scene 1: Michael and Brian are browsing at a comic book store.

Michael: (camera glides over various superheroes and men reading comic books) (voice over) Okay so I'm a gay man with a superhero fetish. Yes we're out there, and no it doesn't have anything to do with immaturity. I think we gay boys learn important lessons from comic books, one, there are a lot of villains out there so you better develop some secret power, two, if you have a good body, you can wear tight clothes, and three, it's always good to be part of a dynamic duo (two boys exchange comic books). (voice over ends) I totally blew it.

Michael: He wasn't that old, and he wasn't creepy, he was nice. My first doctor.

Brian: Chiropractor.

Michael: That counts... I think.

Comic Store Guy: Uh we got in the new "Cat Woman". (hands comic book to Michael)

Michael: Cool.

(Brian and Comic Store Guy make eyes at each other)

He takes me to this really nice restaurant, and I behave like a fucking idiot, dressed up like some slick asshole.

Brian: Hey, that was my twelve hundred dollar leather jacket.

Michael: It wasn't me. You know why? 'Cause I'm nobody that's my problem. Are you even listening to me?

Brian: (parading himself around, so Comic Store Guy will notice) I tune out self pity, it makes my dick soft. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

Michael: Just forget I said anything. (Comic Store Guy holds up a doll) Oh wow look, it's the new "Electra Woman" doll. I'm gonna buy this for Gus.

(both are at counter)

Brian: Don't, I want a gay kid.

Michael: He's being raised by two lesbians, he's going to need a feminine influence. And besides it'll be a collector's item. (takes out money and pays for comic book and doll)

Brian: Well, I'll take it over there.

Michael: I'll go too.

Brian: (staring lustfully at Come Store Guy) No, you're going back to the doctor, tell him you want to give it another try.

(Brian and Comic Store Guy stare at each other and smile)

Scene 2: Justin and Daphne are on Liberty Avenue, next to a street vendor, looking at jewellery.

Daphne: Does your mom know you're out buying jewellery?

Justin: No, she's totally cool with everything, or at least she's pretending to be, because she's scared I'll run away and become a hairdresser.

Daphne: I hate you, my mom's such a bitch and I haven't even given her a reason yet.

Justin: How about these (holds out two bracelets)?

Daphne: (shakes her head) They're totally queer.

Justin: Shut up, they're a symbol of our friendship (slips bracelet on Daphne).

Daphne: Okay, thanks.

Justin: Actually, I don't have any money, I had to buy a new fake I'd. (Daphne pays) Look! That's them, it's Brian's lesbians. Hey! Hey! (runs over to them) How's it going?

Lindsay: (carrying groceries) I'm sorry, do we know you?

Justin: I'm Brian's... friend. I was there the night Gus was born. I named him.

Melanie: (holding Gus) Oh, right. So when Gus is out pumping gas for a living we'll have you to thank.

Lindsay: (laughs)

(Daphne appears)

Justin: This is Daphne.

Daphne: Hi, I'm not a lesbian but I'm a big fan.

Justin: (looking at baby) He's gotten so big already.

Melanie: Oh well you would too, if all you did was sleep and eat all day.

Daphne: Ha, he does.

Justin: He's like the cutest baby I've ever seen. If you ever need a baby sitter-

Lindsay: Don't say that unless you mean it.

Justin: And if you need any help carrying stuff to the car, I'd be glad to be of assistance.

Melanie: Wow, you're good for a thousand and one uses.

Daphne: I'll see you later?

Justin: (carrying bags) I don't know.

Scene 3: Emmett and Ted are looking through new shipments at Torso.

Music- "Life Is Like A Circle" by Derrick Carter

Ted: I'm out.

Emmett: At work? That's fabulous.

Ted: I'm out of the scene I mean. I've made up my mind, no more bars, no more baths, no more clubs, you'll never see my face at Babylon again.

Emmett: Oh please. You can't let one little drug induced coma get you down. What do you think (holding shirt against his chest)?

Ted: You look unbelievably trashy.

Emmett: Talked me into it, I'll buy it.

Ted: You missed my point entirely. Everything we do, even the clothes we wear is a conscience or worse yet, unconscious attempt to get laid.

Emmett: Yes, it's true. There is an over emphasis on sex. But why not buy two sizes too small and go with it. (throws a shirt to Ted)

Ted: (holding shirt) Because tragically some of us were not born to wear lycra.

Emmett: (handing news paper to Ted) Here check out the personals, perhaps you'll find someone to not go out with.

Ted: (glancing at paper) You know, one thing I never understood about these ads is why is it always "tit work" and "ass play", if you ask me it's a lot harder to- Hey look at this, "DATE BAIT", (reading) meet other single gay men in a civilized evening of conversation. No pick ups, no face to face rejection, and they have an over thirty night.

Emmett: Where? The morgue?

Ted: Just for that, you're going with me.

Emmett: I am not over thirty.

Ted: And I am not going alone.

Scene 4: Michael is in Dr. David Cameron's office, playing nervously with a few things on a desk.

David: (enters) I didn't realize we scheduled a follow up visit.

Michael: We didn't, I told them it was an emergency.

David: What's the problem?

Michael: I'm a jerk, can you adjust that?

David: Provided it's not a permanent condition.

Michael: You see the thing is, I don't date very often, you know real eat a meal, talk, stare into each others eyes kind of date. So I- I kind of freaked, and I'm sorry I was such an asshole.

David: You weren't an asshole.

Michael: Believe me, I've seen assholes and- I mean uh... I feel shitty about it and I really like you. And I think you might actually have liked me-

David: I do like you.

Michael: (blushing) You do? Well do you think we could start over?

David: Sit down. (Michael obeys, David moves Michael's head from side to side and then up towards him) You're adorable, you know that? (they smile and lean towards a kiss)

Scene 5: Brian knocks on Lindsay and Melanie's' door.

Brian: (holding "Electra Woman" doll in doorway) I got something for Gus.

Melanie: (taking gift) Uh, uh huh huh, that's so sweet. We'll call Michael later to thank him.

(Lindsay is sitting on the couch, Justin is opposite her on the other side of the coffee table sketching her and Gus)

Lindsay: How long have you been drawing?

Justin: My mom brought me crayons when I was still in the crib, I never stopped.

Brian: (enters living room) What's he doing here?

Melanie: We ran into each other on the street.

Justin: It was like this weird coincidence.

Brian: I bet.

Lindsay: (holding Justin's art) You know these are good.

Justin: That's what my mom says. (Brian walks by Justin and slaps him in the back of the head, then takes a seat)

Melanie: Lindsay's an art teacher.

Lindsay: For someone your age you have an amazing feel for the human form.

Brian: I've noticed that myself (throws stuffed animal at Justin).

Lindsay: Look at this.

Justin: Oh don't show him.

Lindsay: Oh... (holds up picture of Brian sleeping naked) Mmm...

Brian: When did you draw that?

Justin: When you were asleep.

Melanie: Uh circumcised, just like I thought.

Lindsay: You know there's gonna be an art show at the GLC.

Justin: What's that?

Brian: The Gay and Lesbian Centre, (spinning stuffed animal in hand) safe haven for fags who can't get laid.

Melanie: You know it might be good to get out and meet some nice young men for a change.

Lindsay: It's the annual fundraiser, Melanie and me are on the board. Would you like to have your work in the show?

Justin: You mean people seeing my stuff?

Lindsay: Yeah.

Justin: That'd be intense, but yeah.

Brian: Good, give him some activity so he'll stop stalking me (throws another stuffed animal at Justin).

Justin: (taking animal and throwing it back at Brian) Don't flatter yourself.

Melanie: Ha ha-oh, we like Justin, Justin can stay.

Lindsay: We'll make sure everyone comes, (to Brian) including you.

Brian: (mouths "bitch")

Scene 6: Emmett and Ted are sitting in a circle at "DATE BAIT".

Group Leader: Write down the numbers of the men you're interested in and if the computer matches you up, you have to go out on a date. Those are the rules.

#21 (Bruce): Hi, uh my name is Bruce, I'm a little nervous, I only came out about a year ago-

#19 (Fat Guy): I like uh "Ben and Jerry's" Chubby Hubby.

#29 (Roger): I teach piano and voice at Carnegie Melon.

#19 (Fat Guy): And watching "Fraser".

Emmett (#23): (wearing number on crotch) My friend made me come.

#21 (Bruce): I'm looking for a nice guy who like Chihuahuas, I have three.

Emmett (#23): My boyfriend would kill me if he knew.

#19 (Fat Guy): And I have a Speedo fetish, especially red and teal.

Ted (#27): I recently went home with this very cute boy I had met at Babylon, uh he had some drugs-

#29 (Roger): I also conduct a local gay man's chorus. I hope you'll come to our upcoming concert.

Ted (#27): I wanted to seem young and sexy, so I took some and I ended up in a coma and uh- (number falls off)

#29 (Roger) And I would love someone to come home to after rehearsal.

Ted (#27): Now I'm looking for a relationship based on something real and I thought maybe there might be someone here who's looking for the same thing, uh... that's all (holds up number and sits down).

Emmett (#23): (getting up) Faggots, faggots everywhere and not a drop to drink. I can honestly say I have no desire to have sex with any of these people.

Ted (#27): Me neither, (sighs) that's a start.

Scene 7: David is visiting Michael's apartment for the first time, he marvels at the comic book collection (get it?, Marvel).

David: I've never seen so many comic books.

Michael: That's what everybody I bring home says, I mean, people have told me that.

David: Mm hm, who's the big fell? (looking at giant cut out for "Captain Astro").

Michael: (like it's obvious) "Captain Astro". Um my friend Emmett, he's staying with me, it's supposed to be a temporary thing, but he's become sort of a squatter, may come home at any time, so sorry about that.

David: You don't have to apologize for everything.

Michael: I know, I do that. I'm sorry. Um do you want anything? Um juice?, beer? I don't have any wine.

(Grabs Michael and kisses him passionately, touching his face, neck and back. Michael leans against David, lifts up David's shirt and touches his chest. David abruptly pushes Michael to the opposing wall, pins his arms above his head, then takes off his shirt, keeping the arms pinned. Michael breaths heavily and leans in for a kiss.)

David: (motions with finger and whispers) Slow...

(David looks down and they leans against each other lustfully. David slides his hand down Michael's chest and kisses it. Michael takes off David's shirt. David caresses Michael's face and kisses his chest upward, Michael kisses David's neck and cheek hotly, they then kiss each other. David sinks and licks Michael's nipples.)

Scene 8: Ted and Roger are on a date.

Waiter: Hi guys, you know what you'd like?

Roger: Um, I'll have the bacon cheese burger, medium fries, and a- a Pepsi.

Ted: (obviously attracted to waiter) Uh, I'll have the uh- uh the grilled tuna, and um I uh, and just a, I'll have water.

Ted: Alright, give me what he's having.

Waiter: Okay, coming right up.

Ted: (checks out waiter's cute tush)

Roger: He has a nice smile.

Ted: Among other attributes.

Roger: I'm sure he's a fine person.

Ted: Road scholar would be my guess.

Roger: (laughs) You know ordinarily I'd be racking my brain to come up with some pathetic line for when he comes back, like uh, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new?"

Ted: Or, uh "Do I know you from somewhere? No? Must be in a dream"

Roger: "So when did they start hiring models here?"

Ted: (laughs) You're worse than I am. You uh, you want me to go to the men's room so you can take a crack at him? Or?

Roger: Oh God no! Oph, it never worked anyway, all that useless flirting.

Ted: It is such a relief to be out of that world.

Roger: I have a confession to make. I didn't go to "DAIT BAIT" just to drum up an audience for our 500th (?) concert.

Ted: I had a feeling.

Roger: I was hoping that I could find someone I could connect to.

Ted: Someone appropriate.

Roger: Exactly, someone appropriate.

Ted: Well I say let's get to know each other and see what happens.

Roger: Take it slow, I always preferred andante to presto anyway.

Waiter: Okay boys, these will help cool you down.

(they gulp their drinks while gawking at the waiter)

Scene 9: The boys are working out at the gym.

Michael: Twenty seven minutes on my nipples, I clocked it. I mean I expected him to know what to do with his hands, because that's his business, but he has the most talented tongue. Every time I came-

All: Every time?

Michael: He would just keep going. Licking me everywhere.

Emmett: I once knew a guy who could tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue, I was afraid to let him blow me.

Ted: Twenty seven minutes, was that thirteen and a half on each nipple, or?

Michael: Sixteen right, eleven left.

Brain: Yeah that's probably how long it takes him to get it up.

Michael: I wouldn't know, I never saw it when it was down.

Brian: Another Viagra success story.

Emmett: So are you bringing him to Woody's tonight?

Michael: He's not really into the bar scene.

Brian: Well what is he into?

Michael: His life.

Ted: Like the guy I met.

Brian: You met someone?

Ted: (nods) He's very nice, very intelligent, very interesting...

Brian: Is he a top or a bottom?

Ted: You know not everybody judges people by your criteria okay? Roger and I-

Brian: Uh, ha ha Roger?

Ted: Roger and I have decided to get to know each other before we have sex.

Brian: What do you think you are? Lesbians?

Emmett: It's like "The Mirror Has Two Faces". No, no it is, because Barbara plays an unattractive professor, (to Ted) no offence, who um marries Jeff Bridges because neither one of them can handle sex. But of course Barbara gets horny because, hello, Jeff's such a dream boat. So, she hops on a Stairmaster for like two minutes, eats a carrot stick, and then poof, she's gorgeous. Then she comes in dressed like the hooker in "Nuts" and of course Jeff's going to fuck her, and um (choking up) they dance in the street.

Ted: And she still wasn't nominated.

Brian: (sighs) You know you do it right away or you don't do it at all. (puts hand on Michael's shoulder) I'm happy for you Mikey. (exits)

Ted: The fuck he is.

Michael: (playfully hits Ted)

Scene 10: Daphne arrives at Justin's house, she chats with Jennifer and Molly (Justin's younger sister) in the living room.

Jennifer: (yells) Justin, Daphne's here!

Daphne: Hey Molly. (sighs) We're gonna be late. Hey, well Justin told me how great you're being about everything. And I just want to say I think he's really lucky to have such an understanding mom.

Jennifer: Well, I'm trying.

Daphne: Yeah well it must be hard, 'cause in my family I'm black, my parents are black, we're all black. Do you know what I mean?

Jennifer: I think so.

Daphne: Oh did you get the flyer (taking pamphlet out of her bag)?

Jennifer: What flyer?

Daphne: (hands pamphlet to Jennifer) For the art show. His name is really big. (yelling to Justin) Will you come on already?!

Jennifer: (perplexed) The Gay and Lesbian Centre, when did this happen?

Daphne: Oh my God you mean he didn't-

Jennifer: He doesn't tell me much these days.

Daphne: Promise you wont tell him I told you or he'll stop telling me.

Justin: (enters) You don't have to yell, I heard you the first time. And I don't know when I'll be back. (they exit)

Jennifer: Justin!... be careful.

Scene 11: Justin and Daphne are sitting on the floor of the GLC preparing for the art show.

Daphne: (to lesbian hanging Justin's work) You're really good at that.

Lesbian: Thanks. I like you guy's bracelets.

Daphne: Oh they're for friendship, I mean he's not my boyfriend or anything.

Lesbian: I figured.

Justin: You can tell I'm gay?

Lesbian: Well you're here aren't you? (to Daphne) I'm heading on down to the diner to get a soda, you want to come.

Daphne: Sure (gets up).

Justin: (rising W- What are you doing? She thinks you're a lesbian.

Daphne: Well, can't I be one of the cool people too?

Justin: You're a freak.

Daphne: (grins and leaves)

Lindsay: You know you have real talent.

Justin: Really?

Lindsay: You should develop it. Maybe go to art school.

Justin: I've been thinking about that.

Lindsay: Well if you ever need a recommendation.

Justin: Thanks, do you think Brian's gonna come?

Lindsay: Don't expect too much from him okay?

Justin: What's too much?

Lindsay: Anything at all. You'll have lots of relationships Justin, with lots of interesting people. I know you don't believe that right now, but you will.

Justin: I just want him to see his picture framed, that's all.

CONTINUE