Baby Pillow
I remember when you were just a baby
I used to think that maybe
If I hope and pray enough your life wouldn’t be so crazy
Your mom and dad used to bring you over
We would go outside and roll around in the clover
And when you got tired you would start to pout
Until I pulled my baby pillow out
I would sit down on the couch and slouch
When you were being a grouch
I’d put that pillow on my chest with your head on top
Start to bounce my knee and I wouldn’t stop
Until you lay there not making a peep
Aunt Gail said I was the only one that could make you sleep
It was like I had a little sister that I could keep
Even from the beginning it was like we had something deep
Nothing was irreparable
Our families were inseparable
Me, my parents, my brother
You, your father and mother
We did everything together
There wasn’t a storm we couldn’t weather
Real birds of a feather
But whether or not we want it to happen sometimes things have to change
Uncle Jeff started acting strange
He would get to drinking and it would really derange
And Aunt Gail starting thinking that something had to change
We were a seven person family
Uncle Jeff was like a second father to my brother and me
He taught us all
To play baseball
When we were small
Hot Rod was what he used to call
Me, he even bought the bat
That Adam had to fight your Aunt Teresa off with, I remember that
But while our family was fighting, yours was too
I knew that your momma only did what she had to do
To make it through and she left your dad
It was a shock to me I didn’t know things had gotten so bad
It’s not easy to be all alone
But you’ve always been there so your momma never had to be on her own
She got a cheap apartment in a bad part of town
She hated it but I never saw her frown
Never even remotely saw her like she was feeling down
But time marches on like soldiers in a line
Before I knew it everything seemed like it was fine
Your daddy met a woman that didn’t seem too shabby
I never saw him anymore but I hoped that he was happy
But then one night your step mom showed up at our homestead
Saying that your daddy had put a gun up to her head
Now I wished he’d pulled that trigger, a decision which was very difficult for me to arrive
At, he might be in jail now but at least he’d be alive
Because her constant negative barrage
Drove him to hang himself in the garage
I wish it was a mirage
I can close my eyes and see a collage
Of happy memories when he would come over and play
He’d always beat me up but it only stung for a minute anyway
He took me to the first wrestling show I’d seen in years
He had a good time even though he didn’t participate in any cheers
When we were leaving he even gave me his word
That he wouldn’t tell your Aunt Teresa I gave one of the bad guys the bird
It’s too bad I couldn’t see behind his happy façade
I wish I knew what he was thinking that night, I know it was flawed
But the only person that knows for sure is now with God
And for whatever its worth
I know he’s in a happier place now then he had here on Earth
He’s still smiling down from heaven and watching from up above you
He left us but that doesn’t me he doesn’t love you
Sometimes people just get messed up in the head
And think that everyone would be better off if they were dead
I felt that way myself once upon a time
I felt like I’d hit rock bottom and no matter how hard I’d climb
I couldn’t get out, but eventually I got stronger
I know he would’ve found peace if he’d tried a little longer
And I know you’re smiling now, but it still hurts inside
I can only imagine how many tears that you have cried
But you proved how strong you are because you didn’t try to hide
And it fills me with pride
To know you’ve taken it in stride
I know he gave me things but I don’t know where they are
For awhile, I thought all I had to remember him by was a scar
But then I thought about a long time ago
When I gave you my baby pillow
A present so that you would always remember me
And how you used to fall asleep while bouncing on my knee
But the greatest gift is the one your father gave to me
He gave me a cousin so I’ll always carry his memory
I know I don’t call you as much as I should
And I don’t come visit you in your neighborhood
But with certainty I can say
I hope you never go away
I think about you every moment of every day
And I say your name every night when I lay down to pray
I hope when I do see you it’ll be enough to suffice
I can only offer you one simple piece of advice
I know it doesn’t make sense
But I speak from experience
That you’ll grow up too fast
If you spend you’re life trying to outrun your past
It might not seem like it now but everything will be alright
If I have to I’ll hold you until you fall asleep at night
I’ll keep you in my prayers
So you won’t have nightmares
And just know that if anybody should ever harass
There’s no bully big enough that your cousin can’t whip their ass
There are no directions bad enough that could ever mislead me
I’ll be there for you if you ever really need me
I’ve seen a lot of women but I could never see a
More beautiful girl then you, my little cousin Leah
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