For Better Or For Durst:The Top Ten Collabobiminations of Fred Durst
Once in a lifetime a great man is born, a hero. Someone who rises above us all to show that the impossible is possible,that the good things we do matter, that there is a reason to continue the struggle.
Fred Durst is the Yang to that Yin.
"I know why you wanna hate me"
Now first things first, the Chocolate Starfish is my man Fred Durst. William Frederick Durst was born with
an access hollywood license to kill, a redneck fucker from Jacksonville (But not really). He was
actually born in Gastonia, North Carolina, the son of a police officer and his battered wife.
Durst grew up interested in skateboarding and punk rock.
"I came into this world as a reject..."
At the age of 20 he had a child and married. Also at the age of 20, he divorced after discovering his wife cheated on him.
Seeking to impress his father, Durst joined the Navy where he promptly dropped out of boot camp because it was too strenuous.
He also dropped out of college and drifted between jobs as a lawn mower, tattoo artist, manager of a skate park, and robber of local stores.
Traveling alone down a depressing career path, Durst packed up his tattoo kit and followed his parents to Jacksonville, Florida.
"Life is hard, bro!"
In 1994, Durst, Malachi Sage bassist Sam Rivers, and Rivers' cousin John Otto jammed and wrote three songs together
and Wes Borland later joined their band as a guitarist. They were originally a Dave Matthews cover band,
only playing at friend's parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Then one fateful night while walking alone near J.P. Small
Memorial Stadium, Obie-Tron Kenobi, the spiritual embodiment of all blackness in Jacksonville,
appeared to Durst in the form of a Jacksonville Red Cap.
This is as plausible as any other explanation
Obie-Tron told him to travel to Tibet, climb Mt. Everest, and seek the knowledge of the Ancient One. Having little money,
Durst sacrificed everything he had and traveled to Tibet. Against impossible odds he climbed Everest
and located the Ancient One who told him that he would receive the knowledge
of all black people once his training was complete.
"You will be ready once you can remove the Red Cap from my hand."
The Ancient One instructed and tested Durst for months until he was finally ready. Durst snuck up on the Ancient One
and attempted to grab the Red Cap only to discover it was already upon his head. His training was complete
and the ebony energy flowed into him. Now, like all black men, Durst was gifted with dope rhymes,
an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, and a childlike ignorance as to why the world hates him.
Misunderstood
And even though he has a tattoo of two famous musicians that killed themselves...
And he talks about killing himself constantly...
because everyone hates him...
he just won't go through with it.
Durst returned to Jacksonville and reunited with his band. Fred soon discovered that Sam Rivers had set a bass to its lowest tuning
and started playing a funky riff. Liking what he heard, Durst decided to sing Dave Matthew's The Best Of What's Around
with his newer, blacker, deeper, funky voice and they took it to another level. After playing several shows with this new style,
they were immediately black listed from parties. The band saw this as an opportunity to get a fresh start. Durst wrote
a song to the beat of Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice and took it to the band's next practice. This became
their first song. Durst also wanted to change the band's name from The Dave Matthews Four.
The final result was Limp Bizkit.
It's like Russian Roulette when you're placing your bet
Durst decided on this name because he wanted a name that would repel listeners. The Red Cap wanted something
from one of the other 5 senses to describe what audiences would be hearing so he went with taste,
a "limp biscuit" being when a circle of men ejaculate on a biscuit and the last one to climax consumes it.
Durst snuck backstage at a Korn concert and offered to tattoo the band members if they would listen to his demo.
Korn, unimpressed with Durst's tattoos but seeking to enrage people into hating them further, booked the Bizkit
on their tour and then landed them a record deal. The record label would go on to pay a radio station
$5,000 to play their song Counterfeit 50 times. The label refused to bribe more radio stations
after they were caught but it was too late...
the evil was spreading.
"Stand under this umbrella, Fred. I'll protect you from the hate."
And all the critics wanted to hit it... with a barbwire bat. They were the airplane running into the twin towers of rap and metal.
Limp Bizkit is musical 9/11, a terrorist act against America and a tragedy of massive proportions that should never be
forgotten. They even made the world's most ironic music video, in which a panel of music critics sentences them to
death and they're executed by means of drowning in arcing sprays of jism. They were on top for years despite
guitarist Wes Borland breaking up with Durst more than all of Fred's wives combined.
The group would eventually go on hiatus, and Durst would attempt to get into the
world of film directing to try and continue showing the world all the pain he's in.
"You used to be a rapper too? Naw... come on."
In all of human history, added together, there have not been enough dicks to fill enough bags for the amount that Fred Durst can eat.
His band has recently reunited (And broken up again ) but this year they made the jump to record label Cash Money Records
where he is now making duets with Lil' Wayne, Birdman, and Kevin Rudolf. His ship has been sinking for quite some time
now and these are the people he's taking down with him. And so, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado,
I give to you...
The Top Ten Collabobominations of Fred Durst
10. Look Out w/Hard Target
Every last Everlast song sounds the same, and this sounds like every last Everlast song. Everlast clone Hard Target(Named after his favorite Jean Claude Van Damme movie) is on point here channeling Whitey Ford.
Fred Durst wears a Grey Cap and a Camo Cap in this video to prove he has range. The gist of his verse is that there's nothing he can do to keep you from committing suicide,
which is ironic because Fred Durst existing is actually the cause of most suicides.
9. Champions w/Kevin Rudolf, Lil' Wayne, and Birdman
I think the only reason Fred Durst is on this track is so people will realize he's now on Cash Money. His verse makes even less sense than usual.Besides mentioning Legos, he just randomly regurgitates various sports words.
8. Them Girls and It's Like That Y'all w/Run DMC
Them Girls is a "bonus" track off Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. I can understand why it wasn't included on the CD as it is, in fact,one of the worst songs ever recorded. I had a hard time deciding which one of them was better/worse,
so I have lumped them in together.
7. Lay It On Back w/Kurupt and Nate Dogg (RIP)
Fred Durst claims to be still doing the Smurf in this song... that is all I have to say about it.But I will listen to anything... anything... with Nate Dogg in it.
6. Get Naked w/Methods of Mayhem, George Clinton, Lil' Kim, and Mix Master Mike
Methods of Mayhem was born of the desperation of Tommy Lee being imprisoned for weeks in solitary confinement
around the time of his divorce from Pamela Anderson and featured him nu-metal
rapping with a guy named TiLo who is so obscure he doesn't even have a wikipedia page.
I'm not that familiar with their work but the two songs I've heard somehow aren't bad.
This was featured on the soundtrack of a GREAT movie (The Girl Next Door)
and features Fred Durst phoning in 6 lines where he claims to be an athlete.
It's too bad that desperately seeking validation isn't an Olympic sport or
he'd be the first person to take gold, silver, and bronze in the same event in the same year...
but at least he's the only person in this video who keeps his clothes on.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand this is just to fuck with you...
Yes, that is who you think it is.
5. Red Light-Green Light w/Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg may have gone crazy recently but here he is doing what he does best. Fred Durst however...Well... have you ever watched the Special Olympics and just been so
gosh darn happy that they're doing the best they can?
4. N 2 Gether Now w/Method Man
This video was already amazing before Pauly Shore showed up in it. It may set the indoor record for utterance of the phrase, "Shut the fuck up".
3. Bitch Betta Have My Money w/Insane Clown Posse
I have a theory about this. I think that ICP was bragging in an interview about being the most hated band in America and someone asked
if they had performed a song with Fred Durst. "No... we better get right on that!" But in science two negatives make a positive,
and somehow this cover of old school rapper AMG's Bitch Betta Have My Money from ICP's
Smothered, Covered, and Chunked cover album is remarkably listenable.
2. Rollin' Urban Assault Vehicle remix w/DMX, Red Man, and Method Man
This song is the reason most white suburban kids stopped being racist.
It encompasses everything that is good and bad about rap.
I cannot hate on this song. This shatters the glass ceiling of commercialist rap.
I... I can't put on this charade anymore. I love Limp Bizkit.
You wanna mess with Limp Bizkit? You can't mess with Limp Bizkit.
Why? Because they get it on. When? Every day and every night.
1. All In The Family w/Korn
This is a song where Fred Durst and Jonathan Davis willingly slam each other. They even helped each other with the lyrics to rip on each other harder.
What can you say about them that they haven't already said about themselves? I mean... they know.
Honorable mentions
Outside w/Aaron Lewis (Live Family Values Tour 1999)
Durst doesn't really perform on this song, he just took it upon himself to walk out on stage anddouche it up by saying things like, "I'm feelin' those lighters" and "This is the real mother fuckin' deal y'all"
in the middle of what otherwise is a very pretty song. But as a glorified background singer here
it doesn't really count as a collaboration.
Turn Me Loose w/Eminem
I didn't include this because as near as I can tell, it was never actually released. Early on, Eminem appeared amongst the all star cast of Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff video.Then they were booked together on the Anger Management tour. This should have been a young white boy's wet dream
in the early 2000's, but alas Limp Bizkit wanted to jump in on the ever growing fued between Eminem and Everlast.
Eminem had booked studio time so our Red Capped hero and DJ Lethal could perform on a dis track,
but reportedly on the day of el Red Capitan came down with a toothache and DJ Lethal
said he no longer wished to participate because he was still cool with Everlast.
Shortly after, they were interviewed about it and DJ Lethal was quoted as saying he thought Eminem was a better rapper
but that Everlast could take him in a fight. The honeymoon was over,
but we still have this rare dream team up to think of what could have been.
This also features Fredo mentioning doing the Smurf again.
Faith/Fame remix w/Everlast
Speaking of Everlast, he performed on this... remix of a cover? Their original cover of this song is terrible, but this manages to take everythinggood about that version and slowly starve it to death.
Just one more fight and I'll be history...
Yes, I will straight up leave your shit
And you'll be the one who's left
Missing me...
I really doubt it
Tyler Bagz actually likes Limp Bizkit (But he understands why you don't)