Honesty, the best policy?

Editor's Note- I was really angry when I wrote this but at the time this was how I felt.

Anyone who reads this should be forewarned, this is not one of those I-have-a-huge-problem-but-there's-light-at-the-end-of-tunnel entries.
There is no hope at the end of this. You've been warned.

I think someday I'll have a child. I'm going to tell it that the most important lessons in life are to learn how to lie well,
don't be afraid to not be yourself, and don't believe the bullshit you see in movies.

Let's be honest, honesty sucks, honesty hurts, and even though everybody says they want you to be honest nobody really wants to hear honesty. I used to believe that if I tried to be a basically good person people would respect that but instead I'm taken advantage of; the sad part is I'm usually aware that it's happening. The truth is everybody in your life wants something from you. Let's take your friends for instance, not your buddies, not your acquaintances, your real good friends. You disgust them and I can prove it. Every time a friend gives you advice about something in your life you need to change it's not because they want to help you, it isn't because it's what is best for you, it's because that's something about you that they can't fucking stand. If somebody wants you to stop smoking it isn't because they don't want you to die from lung cancer, let's face it we're all going to die anyway and nobody really gives a shit about you. A person tells you to stop smoking because they don't like smoking. Everyone around you that "cares" about you is attempting to mold you into their ideal version of you. The really good ones will at least stick around and keep subtly attempting to sway you, but sadly most of them don't stick around that long.

Everyone has secrets and if you tell them to somebody you trust they're going to tell it to somebody they trust and etc... until everybody knows about it.

Ever had a friend for a really long time? Ever had the exact same conversation over and over again? Ever had the same advice told to you multiple times even though you both know you're never going to change? That's because that person doesn't like you. Sure, they stick around either because it's what they're used to or they're gaining benefits from the relationship; a few actually stick around because they're loyal. But it's eating all of them alive that you haven't changed into what they think you should be.

Ever overheard a friend telling somebody else what a fuck up you are? Ever invaded someone's privacy and read their diary with good intentions (And don't get me started on the problems with good intentions, the mother of all fuck-ups. You can't eat good intentions, you can't drink good intentions, you can't live in and you can't live on good intentions) only to discover they think you're a waste of life? This is sad but true- there are people that like you, maybe even love you, but nobody really gives a fuck about you.

People claim they don't want you to keep secrets from them but the truth is that little skeletons in the closet freak people out, let alone the big ones. Think about how much you've changed just in the last year. Now let's pretend you got pissed off one night, grabbed a pipe, and beat somebody to death but nobody ever caught you. Five years goes by. Now you've changed a whole lot in the last year, so after five years you've probably changed quite a bit. You meet somebody, fall in love, and get married. Another ten years goes by and they decide one night that you're not honest enough and want to know your deepest darkest secret. So you tell them that fifteen years ago you got ticked off and bludgeoned the asshole that parked in your spot to death. Now it doesn't matter that you're not the same person you were fifteen years before, all they're going to see is a killer. The good ones might not show it right away but the first time you get in a heated argument I guarantee you'll see the fear in their eyes.

Honesty is the best policy...

...unless someone has an ugly ass baby.

If somebody shoves their ugly ass baby under your nose and asks you how cute it is you're not going to admit to them that it looks like somebody tried to draw Jabba the Hutt on an old dirty sock, you're going to tell them it's beautiful. The one's that don't want to lie will say something about what a nice personality it's going to have. But if you're honest, which is what everyone claims they want, and tell them they're holding a bucket of yuck wrapped in a blanket everyone's going to say you're an asshole.

Allow me to clear up the movie myth. There are no happy endings to stories, only to chapters. You might be in love at the end of chapter 20, but you'll probably divorce at 40 and die alone at 80. And just think, if you hadn't quit smoking you could've died from lung cancer at age 65 and missed those last 15 miserable years. Some people are going to read this and call me an asshole, but hey, I'm just being honest.

Until next time, True Believers...
The bottle is empty
And the well is dry
June 2006

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