If You Get Me Out Of This
It's a country song! YEE HAW!
I just woke up in a bed that I didn’t know
A strange girl was staring at me, so I said Hello
There was an awkward silence so I started to dress
I asked if she had a good time and she answered “Yes”
I splashed my face and wet my hair and I was looking for a comb
That’s when I heard the door downstairs and she said, “My husbands home”
I said who’s you husband, “He’s the Sheriff of the town”
So I climbed out of the window and looked for a way down
I heard her husband yell and I heard a shotgun pump
There was no way to climb, I guess I’d have to jump
I asked how many feet and she said, “I think it’s only ten”
Lord if you get me out of this, I’ll never drink whiskey again
1 week later
I just woke up in a yard that I didn’t know
A familiar dog was staring at me so I said Hello
I recognized the dog and my stomach gave a lurch
Last night was Saturday, it’s Sunday morning at the church
I looked up and saw the cross, I was on the holy lawn
Nobody had got there yet but my pants were gone
I looked up and knew I had run out of luck
Coming around the curve was the pastor’s truck
I jumped into a bush as the pastor pulled on in
Lord if you get me out of this, I’ll never drink tequila again
2 weeks later
Well I had thanked the Lord and counted my lucky stars
I was clean and sober and still hanging at the bar
I was playing wingman and I had to wait
My buddy’s girl was gorgeous, I was anxious to meet my date
I heard her before I saw her, the ground gave a shake
That’s when I began to think I’d made a big mistake
She was about 400 pounds and smelled like potpourri
And it looked like a thief had stole half her teeth but the rest were smiling down at me
I started stretching and got ready for a run
But just before I took off my buddy said I owed him one
That was when I knew I’d have to take it on the chin
Lord if you get me out of this I’ll never drink water again
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