Top Ten Most Badass Moments In MMA History Outside The Cage

10. Jon Koppenhaver
Evidence of Badassitude

1)Legally changing his name to War Machine
2)Making porn
3)Going to jail for beating up people and keeping a blog about life in the slammer

Jon Koppenhaver legally changed his name to War Machine. Why? Because FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY!!!



Not only does he have a decent professional record but he is also undefeated in non-professional fights where charges were filed. He ruined a promising UFC career by refusing to fight someone because he had "nothing to gain from the fight" due to the fact that the opponent was an unknown fighter. He openly admitted the man (Brandon Wolff) was, "savage, sick, tough as hell, a really tough fighter and a really tough fight". You read that correctly. He basically admitted that if he was going to lose he wanted to lose to someone people had heard of. He also made several disparaging comments about Evan Tanner after the man's tragic death.

Like so many unemployed fighters he then turned to the seedy world of pornography (Tito Ortiz impregnated into it) to put himself through college. Ok, I made that last part up.
Why porn? In his loss on season six of The Ultimate Fighter, War Machine taught us all that Tommy Speer's nose is made up of mostly hymen (Seriously, that fight was bloodier than Alex J. Murphy VS Clarence J. Boddicker) and then still lost which prompted him to cry like a bitch on national TV in front of millions of people. After that, people watching you fuck isn't all that scary. Or in his own words, "I'm still gonna fight, just gonna do this too because fighting isn't quite enough money and you all know I ain't trying to work! In life I have come to learn that all I enjoy is eating, sleeping, fighting and fucking! Fuck it! I'm living the dream, getting PAID to fight and fuck! What more could I ask for?"


Being truly inspirational, that's what.

Not even going to prison could keep War Machine down and he updated us about life and oppression in the slammer in a much more vivid way than Mumia Abu-Jamal ever could...

Twitter.

One thing is for sure though, if all you enjoy in life is eating, sleeping, fighting, and fucking then prison is the right place for you.

Author's note-War Machine's low ranking is due to losing points by working as a topless waiter at a gay nightclub. He regained a few points by beating up people there. If you would like to read his inspired ramblings on life in the American Prison System check it out here

9. Ryan Gracie
Evidence of Badassitude
1)Being the Donnie Wahlberg of MMA's first family
2)Beating up and stabbing people at parties
3)Stealing a car
4)Attempted theft of a moped
5)Being so high he thought the video game Grand Theft Auto was real

The Gracies invented modern Jiu Jitsu. Helio and Rolls Gracie invented Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. The UFC was invented by Rorion Gracie. Royce is the first ever UFC Champion and the first UFC hall of famer. Rickson reportedly has won over 400 fights. There is more badass per capita in the Gracie family than anywhere else in the world. Do you know what you have to do to be considered the bad boy of the Gracie family? I imagine it's hard growing up in a famous family. Having to do things to draw attention to yourself like beating up a man at a party and stabbing another or shooting yourself in the leg. But getting high on alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine to the point where you think real life is Vice City? Truly badass. Ryan car jacked a Toyota and went for a joy ride. Upon crashing it, Gracie fled the scene and attempted to steal a moped. At this point, he was so fucked up that he, a professional fighter with a knife, was subdued by other moped drivers who ganged up on him with their helmets.



The family physician then showed up and met him in jail where he gave him so much medication he tapped out Michael Jackson style. If you think about it though the Jacksons are basically the Gracies of music...if Jiu Jitsu were wife beating. I'm guessing that makes Helio Jermaine.

8. Joe Son
Evidence of Badassitude
1)Inventing own martial art "Joe Son Do"
2)Kidnapping
3)Sodomy by force in concert
4)Rape in concert
5)Forcible oral copulation
6)Forcible rape
7)Vaginal penetration with a firearm
8)Torture
9)Murder
10)Being in Austin Powers (Cinematic equivalent of all of the above)


Does this look like someone who would brutally rape a woman to you?

With a record of 0-4 Joe Son may be the Washington Generals of MMA but what you might not know is that he also brutally raped and tortured a woman in 1990. And he would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those darn kids!


Seriously, does this look like somebody who would brutally rape a woman to you?

Son violated probation in 2008 on a vandalism chage and was required to submit DNA which connected him to the vicious rape/torture from 18 years prior. But one man knew... KEITH HACKNEY!



Check out scientific proof of karma here
You may be able to hide from man's justice... but Keith Hackney's mullet sees all! Hackney pummeled Son's balls so badly that he only regrew them one week ago and immediately has been accused of violently murdering his cellmate. He'll break out and kill us all shortly but at least Keith Hackney bought us 17 wonderful years.


Oh and Joe Son was in Austin Powers.

The Greatest Moments in Joe Son Do History
I ask you again, does this seem like a rapist/murderer to you?

Honorable mention-As you saw in the video, Joe Son was known to some as Kimo Leopaldo's manager. Kimo was arrested a few years ago for possession of a methamphetamine
...while impersonating a police officer.


7. Roger Huerta
Evidence of Badassitude
1)For proving Chivalry is not dead, just unconscious



What does it take to be the first MMA fighter on the cover of Sport's Illustrated? In Huerta's pre-UFC career, his first loss came as a result of a dislocated jaw early in the finals of the SuperBrawl 36 tournament. It was his THIRD match of the day. While falling on tough times recently, Huerta has a UFC record of 6-2 (Both losses were decisions to top talent). To this day he's never been finished (Unless you count the broken jaw incident or a doctor stoppage). But what really sets him apart is that when push came to shove; he shoved back...

by knocking out a significantly larger professional athlete.

Rashad Bobino, a former University of Texas linebacker who had been picked up by the Atlanta Falcons, had just knocked a woman out from behind proving that Michael Vick isn't the only Atlanta Falcon who can fuck a bitch up


Never Forget

when Huerta arrived on the scene. As the product of a fucked up home, "El Matador" quickly showed the former Longhorn what he thought about men hitting women. Check it out here


A big controversy arose about Roger Huerta head stomping the unconscious man but the video clearly shows the stomper to be wearing a long sleeve shirt (Huerta was wearing a short sleeve shirt which he removed before the fight). This doesn't do much good for the MMA community though as Wanderlei Silva is still listed as a suspect in every head stomping on record.




6. Charles Bennett
Evidence of Badassery
1)Possession of Cocaine and Marijuana
2)Aggravated Assault
3)Tampering with a witness (There's 27 more of these)
4)Being the love child of Tonya Harding and Flavor Flav
5)Making the board game Clue a reality



Krazy Horse Bennett is famous for having an unbreakable arm and the worst fuck up during a celebration in the history of organized sports after beating Yoshiro Maeda.


Oh and crack.

He also has 30 some odd other charges against him, one of which is aggravated battery upon a pregnant woman (Where were you then, Roger Huerta?). Last year after a disagreement with a training partner, Krazy Horse walked in the gym with a metal pipe (That may or may not be used for crack) and started beating the man about the knees, elbows, and ribs.


It was Colonel Krazy Horse, with the lead pipe, in the gymnasium!

See the many faces of Charles' mugshots here

5. Quinton Jackson
Evidence of Badassitude
1)Portraying B.A. Baracus
2)Leading police on a merry chase from inside a vehicle bearing his likeness

Quinton Jackson was given the nickname "Rampage" because Quinton is a white nerd's name. When I heard they were making an A-Team movie I was devastated. No one could ever live up to Mr. T. But then, a dark light shone at the end of the tunnel.



I was strangely ok with Rampage playing the part. It ended up sucking because they turned B.A. into a pacifist but that wasn't Rampage's fault. Not only did Rampage have a good look and charisma for the iconic role, but I also knew he was adept at running away from the police.Running from the cops? Kinda cool. Running from the police in a truck with a giant picture of yourself on the side of it? Truly badass. That's like giving a cop the finger while having sex with his wife and videotaping it with his dashboard camera. Can you imagine OJ Simpson leading the police on that chase with a big picture of him in the Heisman pose on the side of the Bronco?

...you don't know who OJ Simpson is? See? No picture of himself on his vehicle.



4. Jon Jones
Evidence of Badassiosity
1)Being fucking Batman



Jon Bones Jones isn't the only MMA fighter to fight crime. But what gives him the nod over honorable mentions Benji Radach (Who probably shouldn't have done what he did but it worked out) and Antoni Hardonk (Who took out the bad guys only after waiting and watching them harass and rob several other people)is that Jones didn't just stop a mugger. He stopped a mugger hours before becoming the youngest UFC champion ever. Jones was sitting in a park meditating before his fight because he once saw Mike Tyson do it in Crocodile Dundee 3.


That really happened in this movie.

Upon hearing a disturbance, Jones ran into a phone booth and changed clothes before chasing the mugger down with his trainer Greg Jackson where they tripped the purse snatcher and held him until police arrived. Oh and then he beat Shogun Hua, walked on water, and delivered a baby. Jon Jones could end the fighting in the Middle East with a reverse spinning smile.


"ISRAEL! PALESTINE! HEAR ME!!!"

3. Goran Reljic
Evidence of Aquabadassness
1)Making Aquaman cool
2)Daring to be a Croatian fighter while Mirko Cro Cop still lives

If you are sitting at home and hear an automobile crash, you might get up and go see what happened if it's during a commercial break. Not Goran Reljic though.

How do you go from this


to this


?

By being a badass, that's how. The man was at home nursing a back injury when he heard a car lose control and plunge into the Adriatic Sea. Let me say that again in context, MMA fighters routinely compete with serious injuries. It's part of the game. Reljic had pulled out of his fight due to a back injury (Presumably he threw it out while fucking your mother). Do you know how bad one of these guys has to be hurt in order to pull out of a fight? This kept him out for two years! The man could probably barely walk. But you don't have to be able to walk in order to leap out of bed in your underwear and plunge into the icy waters of the Adriatic. His Jiu Jitsu Brown Belt was little help against a car so Reljic decided to punch the windshield out and pull the two men to safety at which point he went back home to hide from Mirko Cro Cop.

2. Lloyd Irvin
Evidence of X2 Badass
1)Disarming possible serial killer

What's more badass than saving two people's lives? Saving 3 people's lives... when one of them is a professional fighter.

Imagine if you can, being awoken at 4:30 in the morning by two men armed with pistols. You're not worried about yourself though. You have a wife, son, and UFC fighter Brandon Vera to protect. That's what happened to Lloyd Irvin. Being a true Jiu Jitsu master though, Lloyd bided his time and when the two attackers split up he struck!

Irvin grabbed the pistol and imparted so much terror into the gun that it prematurely ejaculated it's magazine. He then used a gun takeaway and disarmed one of his attackers at which time the man fled his home allegedly screaming like a bitch for his partner who also fled. The men were never caught but the main suspect is a man accused of being a serial killer. This man has killed several people and still ran in terror from Lloyd Irvin.What do you do when you bring less than a knife to a gun fight? Choke your opponent out with FEAR.


That is a real life Steven Seagal movie.


1. Lee Murray
Evidence of Most Badassness
1)Street Brawling
2)Drug Dealing
3)For being the love child of Chuck Liddell and Danny Ocean



Once upon a time Lee Murray had a promising fight career. He had a one loss record which included a KO victory over Tito Ortiz outside a bar in London. Then he met up with the Grim Reaper of MMA, Anderson Silva. The man who beat Forrest Griffin so badly that now Forrest can't win if Anderson Silva is on the same card. The man who reminds us all that Chris Leben isn't a terminator sent from the future to kill Wanderlei Silva. The man who made Rich Franklin think he would be better off with an acting career.

After losing to Anderson Silva, Murray knew his career was over. He wandered the Earth challenging men to fight in the desperate hope that someone would put him out of his misery. It almost worked too. A man stabbed him once so badly that he died 4 times on the operating table. Murray later revealed that he had also been in the same hospital the week before after being stabbed twice outside the same club.

But clinically dying several times is the only known counter effect for the curse of Anderson Silva and Lee Murray decided to live again! With his newfound lease on life, Murray decided to do something positive and commit the largest robbery in the history of England. He made off with upwards of 80 million dollars or who gives a fuck euros. He was caught and currently is in jail but rumours have started that he's getting out amongst the many rumours about a movie being made based on his life.

Honorable Mentions