Unforgiven
I've got a few things left to say
Before I go away
How would you feel if suddenly there was none of me to push around
If I'm not there when you scream will it even make a sound
It seems like a bad dream that makes my head pound
When I was 15 I ran away for three whole days
I left your scene and lived wherever I could find a place to stay
But I came back for the sake of the family
It was a big mistake and now we're so sad to see
Some would call us a tragedy
If I were some other kid I would probably attack
My will power alone held me back
When you were telling me how stupid I was
And when you were yelling for no reason just because
I can remember it like I'm still there
Scratching my face and pulling my hair
And when you told me life was unfair
And when you told me you could kill me and you wouldn't care
And I knew that you meant it by the look in your stare
I told them you abuse me
The only reason you didn't lose me
Is because I never had a bruise to see
And you didn't even treat me as bad as my brother
How can you sit back and say it was just the love of a mother
Everybody thought I was making it up
When I said you hit Adam with a shovel while waking him up
But we know it was all true
Why would you do that to someone who loved you
How could you do this to our family
Look at this I'm a wreck how could you do this to me
When I think of you I just want to grab a knife
And end my life
I hope I never have a wife
Look at me now mom do I make you proud
I'm no longer just another face in the crowd
Your little baby boy got big and I also got loud
Now I'm big and loud enough to yell back
But I don't want to fight you I just want to put my life on track
For a couple of months I got away from you again
I was hopeless and homeless and hungry and getting thin
Until Jonothan took me in
But you lied and told me it'd be different if I came home
And I came and you took my truck away and left me to roam
You tried to stop my departure by throwing things that missed
Then you got in front of me and raised a fist
I just dropped to my knees
"Come on mom let me have it, give me your best shot please"
Sometimes I wish you would have killed me right there
And ended my despair
But you didn't so I packed my things
To take on whatever life brings
You asked me if I was acting this way because of drugs
But I'm not, I never needed your weed, or your pills, or your hugs
And you asked me if my girlfriend was pregnant when you knew I wasn't concieving
I guess you weren't believing that I really was leaving
But I left and I'm still here breathing
Before I left you were laying on the bed
And you were crying do you remember what I said
"I don't know why or how
But God's taking care of me now"
If you would open your eyes you would finally see
That Adam can take care of Adam and I'll take care of me
And we'll try and find a way to take care of Dad
He's the best father a boy could have had
As a family we lost our wealth
So let us go, now you deserve to take care of yourself
And if you still want to be a mother there's one way you can save me
As of this writing you haven't forgave me
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