hi(s)tory

age eight (approx.) - Food court at Westlake Center (downtown shopping center) - My dad nods his head in the direction of a tall, thin woman sitting to the left of us. He's gesturing to my Stepmom to look. I ask what he's motioning about. He says something to the effect of "that woman over there is a man". I glance again, my brain still trying to process this idea in the narrow scope of eight year old life experience. I can't really see her because I don't have my glasses on. I think my father went on to mention something about her breasts. It was clear by the looks on their faces that this was not normal or acceptable.

age nineteen - LiL (Living in Leather) - After having spent 3 days totally surrounded and engulfed in the bliss that is being a service bottom, i find myself winding down with my Top at one of Her friends houses. i spent the long weekend assisting a B/boy i now call my friend, and H/his Daddy. my Top is talking to me about Her past, O/our future, and up-coming agreements. Later She mentions something about this B/boys Daddy being Trans. Now i'm trying to wrap my less narrow nineteen year old life experience around this concept. If She had never said anything, i would never have known. He passes completely, even with His shirt off.

age twenty-one - a small cafe on the ground floor of my apartment building - my girlfriend and I are talking with a friend who's in transition. He's totally passable. I knew him before he started T. I knew him before he had chest reconstruction. I'm the one asking questions. Nervously fidgeting with the napkin, the butter knife, looking into my lap and listening to him tell me his story. It's making me sweat, even thinking about it. My girlfriend has tears welling up in her eyes. She's trying to keep her composure. It was clear by the look on her face that this was not what she wanted for me, for us.

I'm an almost 26 year old Male identified female-bodied person, FTM, Tranny boy/boi, Boy, Trans Man (although I don't think of myself as old enough to be a man), etc. etc. I've come out to those "need to know" folks in my life (i.e. parents, in-laws, friends, co-workers). I've seen the gender counselors, gotten my letters, changed my name, started hormones, had surgery, and watched as my life passed from transition-focused to life-focused.

For all those not trans educated, I'm going to be expanding this section later on. For the time being here are some wonderful sites written and maintained by some great guys. These are the places I've found to be helpful to me.