Let's start with: Healthy Food
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are a plant, that places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Put 'eat chocolate' at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?
REMEMBER: 'Stressed' spelled backward is 'desserts'.
Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds. Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
Chocolate rules the world!!!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
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The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
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This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
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2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
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Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator.
(Wrong Answer)
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Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
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This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
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3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
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Correct Answer:
The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
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This tests your memory.
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OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
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4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
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Correct Answer:
You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
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This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
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According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers.
Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......
20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.
Now Repeat After Me:
1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I don't forward an e-mail.
2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.
3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money and Victoria's Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.
4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e- mail to more than 50 people.
5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.
6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail ... NEVER -- EVER!!
7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding a e-mail to 10 or more people!
8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.
9. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!
11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
12. And finally, the 12th commandment: THOU SHALT NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in God. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!
Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out!