"Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference." - Murphy's Laws
GUS's General Shit...Welcome to ISSUE #3! It's friday, April 26th. The year is 2002. What was scary was this afternoon I thought it was next year. I had taken my mothers credit card to buy something online, then I saw the expiration date was 2003. I was then like "Holy isht! This card expired!" Ran to my mom's room and stormed though her wallet for a 2004 card (which I eventually found) and used it to purchase what I wanted. Cheers. Eventually though, it took my grandmother to rimind me that we were still in 2002. Thanks grandma.
Who knows, if I do it again for whatever reason, I might be going "back to the future"! Ha ha ha... oh... I know, not funny... yeah, you suck too.
On to the bloody crap newsletter I call mine.
GUS's Opinion Shit...You know... I'm not getting your opinions. I'm getting disappointed in you all. And after all I did to raise you lousy sons of a bit...
GUS's Funny Shit...Well, I sorry to inform that I have no pictures today. And I'm sorry to inform that this is going to be one of those more serious newsletters. However, I DO have a stupid joke. Wanna' hear? Of course you do you lathargic sons of a bit...
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sucks, I'm sure...
GUS's Story Shit...Well, it's friday, and as promised, today is story time with your lovable, huggable story teller GUS! (Bear with this following crap because I'm making it off the top of my head as I go along. May G-d have mercy on me for writing it and on you for reading it)
-Untitled-
Justin's mother is scurrying all over the hour trying to find her overcoat and her left shoe. Quite frankly, between you and me, the over coat doesn't matter much to her. All she wants is her left shoe. She needs to find it so she can march over to the Peterson's and yell at Christopher Peterson for breaking her kitchen window.
Justin, age seven, was in the yard playing catch with Jason at the time, kept on insisting that what Chris did must've been an accident and that she shouldn't march three doors down and yell out her lungs to the boy and his parents. He thought that he hadn't deserved it.
She didn't agree. Justin's mother thought that it was the final straw. Chris had been a bad boy every since she could remember, and if his parents weren't going to do anything about him, she was.
Before Justin could stop her from walking out the door, she had found her shoe and was already out on the front lawn.
After the door had been shut closed, Justin didn't bother to waste his breath on something so pointless. He'd rather waste his breath chasing his ball in the back yard.
For a seven year old, Justin could throw a ball a interesting distance. He had pitcher written all over him. He could throw the ball high, low, fast, slow, any way he wanted. Too bad Jason wasn't as good as him.
Back and forth they threw the ball to each other. Sometimes with effort, sometimes with rivalry to see who would miss catching it. Once in a while, the ball would fly high and hit the house. Even rarer, the ball would come awfully close to a window.
Even rare occations are bound to occur sometimes.
Justin had thrown the ball powerfully to Jason, but Jason not being as talented as Justin, missed in catchin it and the ball almost hit the broken kitchen window again.
Immdediately, Justin looked around to see if his mother was anywhere in sight, then when he saw she wasn't, slowly dashed toward the ball to pick it up. This time it had landed in a flower bed under the kitchen window.
When he got to it, he pick up the ball ever so slightly, just to make sure no one was hearing him retrieve the ball from his flowerbed. He was cautious to not attract attention from any neighbors that might be around. However, when he reached for the ball, he saw that it was under an empty pitch black can, a can that could've once held anything from olives to beans.
He picked up the ball and was about to throw it back, but from the corner of his eye he saw the black can, and it grabbed all of his attention. The darkness of the can was unnatural, almost supernatural to him. It drew him near it, causing him to drop the ball out of his hand and pick the can up... and it caused him to look inside. It caused him to see the world.
The infinite dark spanned forever and ever in the can. The dark went for eons unchanging, but after the many thousands of eons that did pass, Justin saw himself looking at a flash off to the sides, here and there. They soon came more and more often. Then his eyes saw nothing but flashs. He had peered so deep into the can, that now the black had turned white.
Farther and farther in he gazed. Flashes passed in uncountable numbers. It went on like this for seconds? Minutes? Hours? Years? Then his gaze slowed down. His attention was being drawn on to one specific flash. He was focusing on it, and with that, he advanced into the light of that certain flash.
The white flash soon turned to blue, then to brownish, then to green. It changed color the farther in he looked, until he realized what it was he was looking at. He was looking at his country. He was looking at his city. He was looking at his home. He was looking at himself in the yard, throwing a ball into his kitchen window and breaking it.
He watched on as he ran inside with a rock, grabbed tha ball from the kitchen and threw the rock on the floor, then he watched himself as he ran out. He watched his mother run out in fury asking what had just happened. He watched himself lie to his mother and tell her that it was all Chris's fault. He watched.
Then he saw his mother run out the front door and towards the Peterson's. He saw himself go back to the back yard to continue his game with Jason. He saw himself almost hit the window again and he saw himself pick up the ball from the flowerbed.
Then he saw himself pick up a black can.
Seconds later, his friend ran over to him to ask him watch was wrong. He saw himself turn away from the can and look at his friend, then back to the can which had disappeared some how, and then to the sky. He then saw himself watching himself.
That's when Jason interrupted him and asked where was the ball. Justin looked back at his hand, but the can was gone and instead replaced with the ball. He thought for a moment, then decided that he should take a chance and look at the sky.
To his amazement, he saw his own eye's looking at him in the sky, and then they looked away and they were gone.
"Did you see that?" asked Justin to Jason.
"See what?"
"See me?"
"Are you all right?" asked Jason.
"Never mind." replied Justin.
Immediately, Justin ran over to the front lawn and then over three houses. He caught his mother when she was just about to knock down the Peterson's door.
"Mother..." said Justin.
"Not now." She raised her hand to knock.
"I broke the window." and with that he broke into tears.
"You broke it?"
Justin only gave a soloman nod.
Justin mother grabbed her son's hand, and before she could do anything to Christopher, she walked side by side home with her son.-fin-
Sucks, I'm sure...
GUS's Vocabulary Shit...You remember, back in the day, Looney Toons? You know: Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Wile E. Coyote? Remember this company that would seem to be everywhere they needed it to be, and even some places they didn't, in a second flat? Here's why...
Issue three has been quite a waste, hasn't it. The joke wasn't funny. The story was crud. My vocabulary words have been better. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!?! I REFUSE TO BE A TWO WEEK SHOW! I WILL BE STRONG! I AM NOT PETRIFIED! I KNOW THAT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE! BUT I SPENT SO MANY NIGHTS THINKING HOW I COULD BE WRONG, AND I GREW STRONG, AND I KNEW HOW TO GET ALONG! OH NOT I! I WILL SURVIVE! AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE I KNOW I'LL BE ALIVE! AS LON... oh shit, there I go singing that song again...
By-the-way, keep an eye out for the GUS webpage, featuring none other than your friend GUS!
Till you don't care anymore, I remain,
GUS!