"This is not a chick flick, Leroy. It's the video of our wedding." - Loretta Lockhorn
GUS's General Shit...HA HA HA! I proved all of you wrong! ALL OF YOU, (that said my newsletter wouldn't last 3 issues) ALL OF YOU!!! Today's issue will be one that will (I hope) stimulate your minds into thinking for a moment. I will first explain a mystery about peanuts that many spend nights sleepless trying to figure out. I have a "old school" song of the week picked out for you all, a not-so-funny funny, and a whole new opinion question! But enough about you... on to me. Me. ME!
As many of you may already know, I'm winging the SAT. Why? In my head, it all makes the world of sense. In writing, I'm not so sure. Anyway, the reason is because I got this thing about me. I never show my full potential, and I never will until I feel that there is an event so important that I just have to surprise and wow everyone in. School and tests are not that event. So I'm winging the SAT, but I still expect over a 1300. Cheers. (By the way, that was a sign for everyone getting this letter to start a pool... you know, gamble over my grade and such, trying to guess what I'll exactly get without studing. It'll be fun, trust me.)
Also in the GUS! news, I stubbed my toe today. However, rather than yell out mindless obsanities, I just spazimed and... well, spazzed. No cursing. No yelling. Just ginded my teeth and did these really funky movements. I also took pictures of me spazzing. In a week or so, I hope to have a website dedicated to my newsletter put up, so look for the "GUS! Spazzing" pictures soon.
Now, on to the rest of my shit that we all call a newsletter...
GUS's Opinion/Poll Shit...Your the cook for an ice cream company, and they have a new name for a new flavor they want. Its called "French Fish". What color would you make it?
Send your replies to my e-mail.
Good luck.
GUS's Funny Shit...This is more of a statement rather than a funny, but hey, I laughed my milk through my nose because of this one. Unfortunately, some of you already know this. Then again, many of you don't. It's funny.
"Cat's land on their feet. Toast with jelly lands jelly side down. Cats with toast and jelly strapped to their backs stay stranded in the air in a state of quantum indecision."
I tried it. It really works. But its crazy hard to strap toast to a cat's back then throw it across the room.
GUS's Mystery-About-Peanuts-Solved Shit...I know many a'people who ask the question, "How does Charlie Brown scratch the top of his head?" Well fellow a'people, I've figured out how! Observe the following comic strips...
See the glove? Well, see how it practically touches the ground. Its ample lenght to scratch the top of his head with. ITS AMPLE!
Sometimes I wish I was ample myself, then I could apply for medicare.
(I tried making a funny. Sorry. I fell flat on my ass trying, I know)
GUS's Song of the Week Shit...I know some of you are going to pound me stupid for this one, but for this weeks song I chose a childhood classic...
This weeks song is... "Ninja Rap" by Vanilla Ice.
IT WAS A CLASSIC IN OUR TIME! Trust me... download it and listen. It was some good stuff.
GUS's Vocabulary Shit...Why... oh why am I not surprised...
Issue four draws to an end. Cheers or jeers? Oh, like I care what you think... this is MY NEWSLETTER... that's why its called THE GUS NEWSLETTER! Ha ha... How many of you have a thingy to call you own... What's that? wHaT? No, I'm not drunk. No... NO! GeT oFF mE! Ouch, that hurts. No, I won't remain silent... wHaT? I AM MY LAWYER! AND I WANT ME PRESENT IN THE FUNNY QUESTIONS ROOM... Piss off. No... NO! I'll piss on you in a second... Sons of a bit...
Till you don't care anymore, I remain,
GUS!