Give Me Everything, Stripes And All

Disclaimer: Joss and his crew own Buffy, Angel, and all of the other characters in the vast worlds in between. BUT IN ALL OTHER WAYS THAT ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT- Buffy owns Angel, and Angel owns Buffy! Always and forever. No one can convince me otherwise! They have rings to prove it!

Dedication: To all of the BAers out there right now. These are tenuous times indeed. But it is all the more reason why we need to band together and stay strong!

Rating: This is version R- but there is an NC-17 version for you to read. Total B/Aness. Mentions of B/S and D/A, with a tinsy suggestion of C/A. But this is all about our star crossed lovers! No really dirty words, I generally don't believe in that.

Background: Takes place after my fanfic entitled: NOTHING. Everything up to Buffy Season Six's SMASHED and Angel Season Three's LULLABYE. There are also some hints of what will later happen in WRECKED, but nothing too much.

For the sake of B/A lovin’- Buffy’s house empty, there’s an explanation. To find out, read on! :-)

It wasn't that Buffy was angry to see Angel.

Nor that after her... encounter with Spike, she didn't want to see Angel.

Far from it.

Buffy would like nothing better to then wrap herself around him with her words, her body and her soul. While she had the strength within herself to refuse the degeneracy that was genital interaction with Spike, Buffy wondered what would happen to her now. Now after...

Genital interaction... It wasn't even like they were two animals somewhere off in a field. The term was safe. Distant. Some bookish term used in pyschology that Buffy thought she'd never really use outside of class. Sometimes things from Evil Bitch Monster of Death weren't entirely evil.

Well no... If Walsh, Riley, and the rest of the Initiative hadn't put that chip inside Spike's head... Camouflaging his true nature, better than they could with their tacky commando uniforms- maybe none of this would of happened. Maybe Spike would now be dead. Maybe she herself would now be dead.

Buffy shook herself at the idea. She couldn't blame this on them. Or on any-

"Buffy," Angel called to her, bringing her attention away from her inner turmoil to the rich warm chocolate of his eyes.

She stopped her walking and looked at him. Buffy hadn't directly looked him in the eye, or spoke to him ever since they had left the house. But ever since he had offered her his hand, she had held it fiercely as they walked. That if Buffy loosened her hold in just the slightest way, he would disappear-and she would be alone.

Buffy struggled as Angel searched into her clouded eyes, "I... I-I, I want to go home."

They were four simple words that held so many meanings. And Angel was aware of all of them. He knew them because he felt them now- had spent literally hundreds of years aware of that wanting... Wanting, to be in his home. Taken in unconditionally. No judgments, no words or thoughts... Only warmth. Only love. In all of his wayward existence, to be in only home he had ever found solace was the one thing that could never be.

"We're almost there," he said as encouragement to continue, with emotions that he thought he could burry suddenly brewing in his blood.

Emotions… Thoughts… Feelings… For the past few years, these were distant terms. Tools. Tools that the inner actor used to keep others away. Angel had done such a good job at keeping others away. Behind his goofy slapstick and ridiculous antics, there was something else, hidden away from others. Desire. Loneliness. Keeping even his own wants and desires from appearing, because he was tired.

Angel had been tired for so long. Long before that misguided night with Darla. Even longer, before Doyle had said his last words on earth and died to save him. His soul felt the weight of its two hundred and forty-eight years of being undead the night Angel turned his back to his beloved. The night he walked away into the smoke of her burnt down high school. With just that first step, he felt a weariness that lay like a tiger in his shadowed cage- now suddenly free and raging. Ripping at his skin and soul- until there was nothing left of him.

Angel did everything he could not to show that ripping… That maybe by denying that pain- it would go away. But as he now painfully realized, it never would. And he was a fool to think he could pretend it to himself- and an even bigger fool to pretend that lie to Buffy, his only love.

Even though her own self-loathing and pain- Buffy could feel that disturbance. Not just at the recent events of the night, but even further into his soul. There was pain that he had tried to hide away, but it was still there. Its threat of sharp claws, so very close to hurting him- stared straight back at her.

The house was still empty when they finally arrived there. Buffy saw Angel’s car in the driveway, and figured that Angel had probably come here first. Yet the heart and hearth of the Summers family home stood empty, its occupants gone else where. All of them, away… Far away from Buffy. She didn’t object to any of this- why would anyone want to be around her anyway?

And that was the same question Angel was asking himself, as they entered the vacant sanctuary. Why would Buffy want to be near him? Why was Buffy now letting him into her home, after all of this time? After having let her go when he had seen her last. He had let her go, because he was sure that others would be there for her- others who were far more deserving of her then he ever would be. Yet no one was here now.

“Dawn isn’t here,” Buffy said in answer to Angel’s unspoken question. “Tara… Left Willow, and Dawn is staying the night at Tara’s new place. Willow- she, she’s probably with Amy somewhere… She changed her back, from a rat to a regular person…. Rat. Then poof… Regular.”

Buffy’s tongue tripped over that word. The ‘r’ stuck in her throat, and refused to leave her mouth. Buffy and the word regular never did sit well together. That fact ripped at her every minute, every second of the day. The sound, the grr- sound of the word, with its feline paws clawed at her. Tearing at her until she was nothing. Clawing at her like Spike had done earlier that night.

The impact of that image and the reality of her breakdown with Spike hit her hard. So hard that Buffy fell down at the weight of it. Yet she didn’t touch the ground, because Angel’s hands were instantly around her. His strong hands, supporting her, pulling her back up to him.

His strong presence surrounded her, as he lifted Buffy up and cradled her in his arms. Angel turned instinctively to the bathroom door, about ready to bust the door down and start a warm bath for her.

“No,” she sobbed slightly, a soft sob that could not escape his vampire senses.

Angel gently protested, “But you’ve got… Dust over yourself, Buffy. I’m sure there are wounds, and wooden chips stuck in your hair-”

“It wasn’t like I was out hunting evil vampires tonight… I was out with one and we were- God… I-I- I can’t do this. I can’t ever be clean,” she cried again, feeling as if she would sink back into her grave.

He realized now that it would be futile to lull Buffy with a bath, and stopped trying to open the bathroom door. A bath would help clean her physically, but Buffy needed more than that kind of rejuvenation now. Angel tried to calm Buffy as he made their way to her room. He sat her down at the side of her comfortable mattress, and opened up her weapons chest at the foot of the bed. Carefully avoiding the bottles of holy water, the cloves of garlic, and several large crosses- he found the medical kit he knew Buffy stowed away at the bottom of the box.

Angel opened the kit and kneeled down before her, “There are wounds… And very deep gashes, Buffy. We need to-”

“How can you… How can you even look at me,” she asked him, as he rolled up his sleeves.

“Because your Buffy,” was his reply, as he looked into her stormy green eyes. “Because you’re you- And I’ve always loved you… Because you’re you.”

Buffy sighed at that, as she let Angel shrug her out of her denim jacket. Suddenly she just didn’t feel cold anymore, and the thick blue fabric felt so oppressing. Like magic, the material was gone and she felt lighter. She felt… warm. Very warm. In that warm, safe haze she heard Angel gasp and wondered what could have stunned him. Buffy opened her eyes and turned to look down at herself.

She saw the tracts of deadened puce bruises and dried browning blood that littered her skin. Even when Buffy fought any of the other powerful villains during her time as a Slayer, the wounds never looked that bad. Though those kinds of wounds always hurt. Tonight was different. If she hadn’t taken off her coat, Buffy wouldn’t have even known they were there. Yet now, just the sad look in Angel’s deep chocolate eyes alerted her to their presence.

“They don’t hurt,” Buffy said, trying in someway to calm the both of them.

“Still… Buffy, we need to clean them- so they can heal,” he replied, his eyes filled with sorrow for her pain.

She nodded, and he began to wet the fluffy material with the clear fluid. He took another piece and doused it in alcohol as well. He offered one of the cotton balls to Buffy while he very carefully began to disinfect some of the wounds himself. She took the medicated swab and tentatively pat each area, surprised that Angel had let her do part of this herself. That while she worked, he did as well. That they worked together.

After cleaning and bandaging all of the cuts on her arms and legs, Angel worked on the many injuries to her beautiful face. Even with those angry marks, he still saw Buffy as the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. There was anger from him at Spike, who had dared this sacrilege- marring this splendid sensual temple of flesh and bone. Though Angel only focused that hatred into showing nothing but pure devotion to the woman he loved more than anything else.

Finishing with her face, Buffy realized that suddenly Angel became very still. He looked up at Buffy, asking a silent question with his eyes. She understood without words and simply nodded, helping Angel remove her light peach tank top. Angel gently pulled down at the pastel straps, and was shocked to see the extent of what lay underneath.

He had expected her lovely tanned skin to have excessive damage, but to see just how many vile afflictions there were- shocked, then enraged him all the more. Oh Spike was definitely going to pay- and pay in full for all of his atrocities. As much as he’d like to run out of here this second to torture his grandchilde EVER SO SLOWLY- there were much more important matters to attend to.

Buffy was by far, the most important. Period. If Angel had to chose from his own selfish impulses for vengeance, and Buffy- it would ALWAYS be Buffy. There was never any competition. Angel would want nothing else accept to be with Buffy, and to love her.

Despite all of the scars and large contusions, Angel couldn’t help the lust that boiled in him at seeing Buffy with just a strapless bra to cover her chest. He quickly tried to hamper the growling of that sexual hunger, suddenly feeling guilty at that thought. Buffy needed help from him now, not him pawing at her to relieve his own earthly desires. Yet when Angel started to treat the wounds on her delicate shoulders, he wondered if it really was such a sin to want to make love to Buffy.

“No,” Buffy said quietly, and Angel stopped his actions thinking that he had hurt her.

The vampire floundered, “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-”

“I meant- no, its okay… To touch me,” Buffy replied, mentally debating whether should guide his hand back to where he had left her. “You seem… If have somewhere else to go- I’m fine now. So you can go if-”

“Buffy, no- I wouldn’t… This is exactly where I want to be right now,” he sincerely assured her.

The girl lowered her head, “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to. It seems to be the Sunnydale trend nowadays.”

“Hey,” Angel began, moving up from the carpet to sit down with her on the bed. “You’re never alone Buffy. You have Dawn, and you have your friends. And Giles will always-”

“Be a whole continent and an ocean away,” she finished, still looking down. “He left, Angel. Again. For good. Everyone leaves me. And those who stay- don’t really stay at all. I can’t talk to Willow or Dawn… Even Xander- I can’t.”

“It will take some time- for things to be settled,” he said quietly, pulling her chin to look up at him. “But they will.”

“Angel, look at me,” Buffy prompted quietly, pointing her injuries. “Spike HIT me. He’s not supposed to be able to hit people! And his chip-”

“Must have some sort of malfunction,” he reasoned to her. “How else could he have-”

“Its not,” Buffy sadly contested, shaking her head. “Its me… I’m not- human, anymore.”

“Buffy,” Angel started, but Buffy had silenced him.

“Angel, I was dead- for over three months. Its not Spike who’s nothing… Its me. Willow brought me back-”

“From heaven,” Angel asserted, thinking back to their dual confessions at their last meeting. “I’ve known you for so long- I’ve watched you… There is not a part of you that’s cruel or unworthy.”

“But look at me, I mean- coming back, and now that I’ve… that Spike… What’s left,” she whispered, the sound of despair clear in her voice.

Angel tilted her chin up so he could look deep into her eyes, “There’s you. There is always you. And that’s more than enough of a reason Buffy… You, are the reason- you’re everything.”

Buffy blinked back the tears and moved away from his hand, “I-I-I hear congratulations are in order.”

The vampire flinched at her quick change in the subject, “ You mean about-”

“The baby,” she finished, forcing the word out of her mouth. “Shouldn’t be a shock right? You told me about when you and Darla… were together. Even though vampires can’t-”

”I didn’t expect to have a son,” he hoarsely replied, thinking about Connor.

“And he’s human,” she asked of him, the stream of tears steady on her cheeks.

“Buffy, I took no satisfaction or anything positive from that night with her- except only the fact that I had sunk THAT LOW,” he said, taking her hand and turning her to him.

“That sounds familiar,” she said, thinking of what happened earlier in the night and putting aside her question about the baby.

“Darla had said- afterward… That I had wanted it. And I can’t deny that Buffy, I did want it,” Angel began, finding himself stroking her hair as he moved to sit in back of her.

Buffy nodded sadly at that, “Oh… I see… You wanted Darla’s bod-”

“I didn’t want Darla,” he quietly interpreted. “I didn’t want ANY part of her… I just- I wanted the peace. I wanted an end.”

“An end,” she asked him, sensing that he was churning over the events in his mind.

“Not even a piece of happiness or anything as grand as that- I just wanted it to be over. Finished. Done,” he finished, moving closer to her. “I got through it. And you will too.”

Looking into his eyes, Buffy knew that Angel’s was right. There was something finally that made sense, and that made her believe. Angel made her believe, to have hope for the world and to have hope for herself. With that belief, Buffy finally gave into her desire and leaned into Angel’s touch. She sat, with her back against his arm and shoulders. She let her head be still on his chest, and Angel leaned forward to be near her.

After a few quiet minutes of this bliss, she sensed Angel’s muscles go rigid. They both had let their thoughts drift in the stillness and Buffy could feel that some stray thought deeply disturbed him.

“Angel,” she asked, looking up to meet his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Connor,” he answered her, “When you asked… The baby- I… As far as Wesley and others can tell, he’s human.”

“But,” Buffy gently prodded.

“But… There’s a lot more to it then just a question of whether Connor’s human,” he gravely responded, recalling when he first found out about Darla’s condition.

“Like what,” she simply asked, drying her eyes to listen.

“Is he evil? Will I be able to raise him? How should I raise him…Is he really…”

Buffy reached out a hand to him, “Is he really what, Angel?”

“I don’t know if he’s really- mine,” Angel admitted, the guilt building even more inside of him at that admission.

“Darla’s certainly been around,” Buffy jealously remarked, and Angel noted the change before she amended herself. “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it… Its just- the baby came from you and Darla. ”

“It makes sense. I was the last… the timing,” he floundered.

“Timing? You told me that Darla split right after she left, and who knows that the situation was between her and that evil lawyer guy was,” Buffy argued wondering how Angel felt about all of this.

“I-I… I just don’t know Buffy. I mean, I feel like I’m just being moved around at this point… Like a game piece,” he exclaimed, his back slumping with his statement.

“I know the feeling,” Buffy agreed with him, and Angel remembered the “tests” she had told him about when she tried to find a job.

“There’s so much to deal with in LA. If Connor isn’t really mine… What exactly am I supposed to do? There are all these things pulling at me- and I don’t understand any of it. And if I can’t… What am I good for?”

“You’re good for me, Angel” Buffy quietly gripping him in reassurance. “And… That’s all that really matters.”

“Here… I feel- like its all behind me,” he began again, holding Buffy. ”Back there- its just… I know I want to help people, and to take care of others- I just… I look at the my world, and realize-”

“That absolutely nothing makes sense anymore,” Buffy asked, as Angel nodded. “Funny, it feels like that right here now too.”

“Right now,” Angel asked, insecurity getting the best of him.

Buffy smiled- really smiled and said, “Not at the moment.”

Angel smiled leaned back into their embrace, just enjoying the quiet time with Buffy. In that moment there was a calming absence of sound. The static and screaming that blasted their lives, gone- once they were in each other’s arms again. Wandering hands found their way to each other, and Buffy found her hands softly tangle with Angel’s.

“When Connor was born, there were a lot of emotions running through me,” Angel revealed, feeling relaxed at being with her. “We were being attacked and then there was Darla… I asked Lorne-”

“Fortune telling via karaoke Lorne you mean? What did he say,” she asked.

“Lorne is staying with me and I asked him afterward… Why- why I hadn’t lost my soul. He wouldn’t tell me… But he said, that soon- something would happen. He didn’t know what though.”

“What will happen,” Buffy questioned, worried that something bad would happen to him.

“It already did happen… A few hours ago actually… He, he said that my soul is mine.”

“Yours as in, yours to keep,” she said, sitting straight up at that. “As in you can never-”

“Lose my soul again,” Angel said, concluding her sentence. “I don’t know what happened- but it did, and now my soul is bound.”

A thought crossed her and she asked, “Angel could this be why when Connor was born-”

“No,” he spoke, shaking his head. “No, Lorne was clear that my soul has only JUST been allowed to stay where it is.”

The bitterness and self-loathing rose in her again, “And you came here… To tell me… While I was out screwing Spike.”

“Buffy, I still love you. I will always love you, Buffy,” Angel said truthfully.

“I wanted the end, Angel. Sex, violence, death- its all the same in his mind… When I was with him…I wanted Spike to kill me,” she said, curling into her knees.

“You have your whole life to live for, Buffy-“

“I’m not anything anymore, Angel. I’m nothing,” she whispered, still curled up tight.

“Your still my sunlight- warm and alive… And good, Buffy. Always good,” he said, taking her face in his trembling hands.

At his words Buffy looked up and cried, “God! I’m nothing, I can’t feel anything more Angel. You might as well start dating Cor-”

Yet Buffy never had a chance to finish what she said, when she felt Angel’s lips wrap passionately around her own. She gasped and Angel continued the soft kiss, slipping his tongue into her mouth to her delight. Their hands unclasped, and Buffy’s arms naturally wrapped around his cold large body.

“I don’t want other women, Buffy. I want you. In all of these centuries, I’ve wanted only you,” he moaned, his lips traveling to her throat.

“Angel,” she breathed, feeling his arms fall to her waist to caress. “I love you.”

Her hands came to tangle in Angel’s hair, as he lovingly nipped at her throat. Buffy gloriously arched her back to give him better access to her neck. She eagerly sought to bring him closer and in between their kisses, moving to sit in his lap. At the feel of Buffy’s warm body in his lap, he shamefully stopped his ardent kisses.

“I love you, Buffy. But I can’t ask you do to this,” he panted, not needing air- but needing to control himself from going any farther. “Its because you’re so good… I… I can’t take advantage of you like this… Later you’ll realize that you’re better off without me in your life-”

She moved in to kiss and nip at his neck instead, “My life- if that’s what you call it… Its not whole unless I have you. I have everything I want when I have you.”

“Buffy,” he began, struggling to keep his restraint as her hands roamed around his body. “I’m the one who isn’t good for anything. I’m the one who shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I shouldn’t be taking a-”

“This is exactly where a you- a good person, the best person I know- should be,” she contended, wriggling in his grasp as she kissed. “I love you.”

Feeling his himself harden, Angel kissed her earlobe and sighed, “I love you.”

With that husky declaration, she jumped back onto him- her lips devouring his mouth. Angel almost fell back at her pouncing, but grabbed the gentle curves of backside to steady himself. They both moaned at the action, and Angel pulled her down further into his lap.

****

They sank deeper into the haven of cotton and silk, like a fluffy golden cloud that had bore witness to their mind-blowing lovemaking. Angel worried that his weight crushed her, but he was relieved as Buffy smiled- nuzzling into him as she lay below.

“You stay,” she softly declared, tightening her legs that were still wrapped around him. “I don’t feel complete unless I’m like this with you.”

Angel pressed his nose in a caress over her cheek, “I don’t feel complete unless its like this either, sweetheart. This- still being inside of you- afterwards… And just being able to-”

“Touch,” she finished for him, loving how their hands could still explore and arouse after all their glorious activities.

“Mmmm-hmmm,” he agreed, as they gave each other more soft kisses. “Tigers will do this… Stay like this, for days- inside… Just to touch and feel.”

She giggled and Angel was sure that at the very moment Buffy had tigers running around her imagination. He smiled as he remembered helping her study for school, and mentioning the little fun fact. Angel had told it her in jest though, during one of their patrols that didn’t involve hunting in the classical sense. Really, now it wasn’t a stretch of the mind to imagine that they were tigers. Finally joined together in an act of reclaiming and rebirth.

He could smell the sunrise- coming in only a few hours. But Angel didn’t stop his kisses to check for any sunlight that could invade the room. The heavyset dandelion colored curtains were drawn tight, and Angel was confidant that any sunlight would be blocked with the dense cloth. Buffy put her confidence in them too, as her mind focused more on kissing and drawing little stripes on along Angel’s back.

There were still hurtles to jump though. There would always be obstacles, but deep down they knew they had the inner strength to face them. Together they were strong. And their love was far more powerful than anything else that could ever try to tear them apart.

“I feel like… We can do anything,” she sighed, her fingers still making their animal patterns as they both leaned their faces close. “Tigers can do anything.”

“They can. And we can too. We’re together- always. Nothing can change that. Let them do their worst,” he whispered to her, his nose gently rubbing into Buffy’s soft sweet smelling golden hair. “We can do anything.”

And she really did believe it. And knew that Angel believed it too. Because right now, they were tigers. Really big tigers. When anything came at them that they didn’t like- she could just get Angel to growl at them. Or maybe she could claw at them… When netiher of them weren’t touching and feeling for days on end… She giggled at her little fantasy, and her lover smiled- because he had the same vision dancing in his head.

Buffy gave him a playful smile in return, “As long as you don’t start marking your territory by rubbing yourself against the furniture or anything…”

Angel gave Buffy the most adorable broody frown in mock innocence, “So no rubbing at all? Not even a little?”

“Well… I wouldn’t mind a little rubbing as long as you stick to the very important parts,” she gleamed, leaving little to Angel’s imagination about where those important parts were.

Angel purred, giving Buffy another- more actively arousing kiss to her neck. He panted and licked at her scar with his large, smooth tongue. Lapping just like how he imagined the large feline beasts of the jungle did with their own mates. His arms that still held her tight, gripped her closer to his mouth- her skin only partially muffling his growls. Her sharp nails lightly raked his back as she gave her own grunts of approval back.

Buffy and Angel shared the same lusty goal, shone clear in both of their smoldering eyes. Angel’s cool pale hand slowly massaged all of Buffy’s moist body, lavishing attention to her breasts and stomach- before they disappeared under the comfortable sheets for her other delights. Angel’s groans were just as loud as her own at the sensual act. But his groans turned toward loving howls, as she stroked his naked body with just as much desire. Whether giving or receiving these lusty touches, it all felt the same for Buffy and Angel- so pleasing… so erotic and good. Hungry for more, Angel cried out for Buffy as he found his way back home inside of her. They were tigers, they could never be restrained- or separated.

This was everything- secure in the strength of themselves and their love. And their happy sweaty bodies smacked together, as the lovers writhed in naked pleasure all over again.

THE END

Keep the Faith!

WANT TO SEND ME FEEDBACK?

GO BACK TO THE ARCHIVES