If Only They Knew

Disclaimer: Most philosophers and other religious dignitaries say you can't really OWN another person, so I don't claim to own either David Boreanaz or Sarah Michelle Gellar and other celebs mentioned in the story.

Feedback: Hey, if not for me- then for all the terrific S/D and B/A fanfiction writers out there. You guys are all super talented and make our lives easier during these sad times of post Buffy and Angel breakup.

Dedication: To Kim and Karin- for helping me find the lists and Leonie's website. Thank you!

Background: On October 9, 2000- (Columbus Day) David made a quick appearance on Total Request Live. During that episode, three girls were locked into a room for the week so they could met the Backstreet Boys. David blindfolded the girls and led them to the band. The story takes place from that appearance... I just wondered what would happen if David knew that we write stories about him and Sarah.

"And welcome back to TRL, here I am with our Angel-Mr. David Boreanaz!"

The smoke curls out as I step into the studio, surrounded by screaming Backstreet Boys fans. I see my mother backstage, just out of view from the cameras. She gives me a quick smile as I greet Carson Daily.

The rest of the conversation is a blur… I keep mentioning all these women in my new movie- hoping he'll bring HER up. He doesn't. I try not to show my disappointment- just go with the flow.

"Here's a shot of the three girls we locked into a room, sort of like Big Brother…I guess you can call it Little Sister," Carson Daily quips.

I enter into the room with blindfolds and the girls are surprised to see me. Carson and the camera guy can't fit into the room with me and the fans, so they both step out. As I tie the blindfolds on one of the girls, I hope that maybe THEY will say SOMETHING. They don't. I guess they just must be excited to see BSB. Just when I think they don't care, the short one taps me on the shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?"

I smile as I tie on her blindfold, "Sure. What is it?"

"How does it feel, uh, um- having all that fanfiction about you and Sarah on the Internet? I love reading it, but does it, you know- bother you?"

"Oh well- I can understand why fans would want it. They must need some fluff- graphic or not. Even I'll admit sometimes I don't necessarily agree with what Joss has done to Buffy or Angel-"

"No," she shook her head trying to turn to the door. "I meant the fanfiction about YOU and Sarah. As yourselves."

"What do you mean? You mean stuff about me and Sarah getting together in REAL LIFE???"

The girl cocked her to one side, looking confused- as if it were common knowledge that the literature existed. This information came as a BIG surprise to me.

"Well yeah! Hey, check out the sites… They are there," she said as she walked out the door, her hands on the shoulders of the girl in front of her.

My segment is over, so my mother and I are driven back to the hotel. I give her a kiss goodbye and head over to my room on the next floor. I shove the card key into the slot and enter the suite.

One of the nice things about being on television is that you get really nice hotel rooms to relax in. Its not the same as being home in Pennsylvania, but its not hell. *Hell is not being with you.* I sigh as I remember that line from the show.

What ever happened between me and Sarah? I messed things up. I shouldn't have kissed her like that… I think back to the day when it happened- in between shooting scenes for the prom episode. I shouldn't have come on so strong… That must have scared her for sure. She didn't even say anything to me after it happened. I felt so miserable… then the thing with Ingrid. Definitely a rebound thing that didn't last very long.

I couldn't help myself. Working with her every single day, gave me a sort of control- I had to control it. I couldn't let her know about my feelings.

Most of the time, it was easy. We were friends, nothing more. I could be playful with her and pull some pranks on the set. But there were sometimes, I had a hard time letting her go. And for a split second, I thought that maybe she felt the same way. Then Joss would yell cut and she'd flash that amazing smile as she pulled away.

I think back to what that fan said at the studio. I brought my laptop with me and jacked in using the hotel phone line. As soon as the programs set up, I open my browser to surf. At the search engine I type in DAVID AND SARAH FANFICTION.

I slouch in my chair and take off my shoes to get comfortable. A few minutes go by. Then a few more minutes pass, which is strange. I have a pretty fast modem. The results finally show up and I almost fall out of my seat.

"There are 721 sites," I gasp.

So many to chose from to check out. I pick the first one listed, since it has the most gold stars next to it. A collage with pictures of Sarah and me come up. Looking at them all like that together- maybe I wasn't wrong to think Sarah might- No… She's with Freddie now. She's happy. I creep her out. Oh well. At least I could be in denial with the fans.

The fanfictions here are pretty good. Some are strikingly realistic. I guess the fans really do keep an eye out on us- almost as if they were actually on set. Like the Buffy and Angel fanfiction I've read- the styles are diverse. Some are sweet and romantic. Others don't make any sense and just have us end up together. Then there are some of the erotic ones… If only they were true. Well, if they were true Sarah and I would never be able to get out of bed. Then again, if they were true- why would we want to get out of bed?

This doesn't seem so hard. Maybe I can write one. This prospect seems a little weird to me, but I'll try it anyway. I can't really go out today- my mother may need me later when she wakes up. Plus even if did go out, I'd just get depressed about being alone.

I look up at the clock and its just before midnight when I finish. I read it over. Not bad. Just the right mix of romance and well… fantasy. Okay, maybe some people would call it smut. But nothing about Sarah could ever be smutty. She really is such an angel, with an amazing talent for acting.

I still can't believe I'm doing this. I email this to the site's web mistress. What am I going to do now? There's a chatroom here and I go inside. It's late on a school night. No one will probably be on. Yet, to my surprise the webmistress is inside the chatroom alone. Hmmm… I need a creative handle.

Buffylover909: Hi! You've got a nice web page.

Angelsgirl4ever: Thanks. But lately I haven't been keeping it up as much as I should have. I've just been busy.

Buffylover909: Oh.

Angelsgirl4ever: So why are you up so late?

Buffylover909: Don't know. Couldn't sleep… I wrote my very first fanfiction.

Angelsgirl4ever: WOW! Did you send it to me to post???

Buffylover909: Yep. Sent it to the email address you listed on the homepage.

Angelsgirl4ever: Cool. Let me read it.

Buffylover909: What do you think?

Angelsgirl4ever: Its… incredible.

Buffylover909: Really? You think its good?

Angelsgirl4ever: Very realistic. You have a good imagination. I meant, as far as thinking what David or Sarah might do.

Buffylover909: Oh… I thought you were talking about the thing- with
the ice cream and that…

Angelsgirl4ever: *blushes* That too. But I've seen a lot of fanfiction come my way about B/A and S/D. This is the very FIRST one you write and it's the best that I've seen.

Buffylover909: Thanks, that means a lot. I've been doing the whole brooding thing… Maybe I'm turning into Angel…hehehehe…

Angelsgirl4ever: You really write with a lot of passion- you put your whole heart into it. I wish I could have more passion in my life…

Buffylover909: You write passionately…

Angelsgirl4ever: Nah.

Buffylover909: No, honest. I never really knew this kind of S/D fanfiction existed until I checked out your site. Plus the stuff you write is a lot better than mine.

Angelsgirl4ever: Nah.

Buffylover909: *smirk* Hey, I'm not the only with the a creative imagination… What about the candle wax, the handcuffs, the rotating bed, the-

Angelsgirl4ever: *smirks back* Too smutty for you?

Buffylover909: No! Not at all. You have an amazing talent- the way you write… I really FEEL the love been the two of them. More than just the physical stuff. As a guy, I can certainly see David's perspective.

Angelsgirl4ever: Thanks, you're sweet… So tell me more about yourself… Let me guess, you think that Sarah Michelle Gellar is a loser… I think you're more of a Willow type of guy. Admit it, you think Alyson is hot…

Buffylover909: Well, the only person I think is hot right now is…

Angelsgirl4ever: Who?

Buffylover909: Nevermind… I don't want scare you. I've already done that to someone I love.

Angelsgirl4ever: No, its okay if you were going to say I was hot… I like that… So, was it a tough breakup?

Buffylover909: We were never really together to begin with… My hallucinations.

Angelsgirl4ever: Then she wasn't worth it. You're an amazing guy…

Buffylover909: You're an amazing girl.

The conversation between the two of us goes on for hours. Just before sunrise we both realize that is time to say goodbye. I promise to write another story if she does as well. We plan to meet again tomorrow night at the same time. I turn off my computer and head for bed.

In my dreams she always comes to me then. Heck, the story I just wrote was based on the one I had last night. Although honestly, I'm not sure if I could REALLY do all those things in my dreams. I imagine the satisfaction of being able to gently stroke her face after our bodies are sated…Running my fingers over her face and looking into those beautiful eyes…God, just looking at her and getting that desire to repeat our sweet intimate expression all over again. I usually wake up in need of a cold shower after them. Today is no different.

As I enter the shower, the cold water is harshly refreshing. It reminds me that its not real… they are only dreams. But yet, last night talking to that fan… I don't know.

I wonder if this is demented. Talking to a fan of yours and them not knowing it was really you. I wonder if I should say something. I shake my head. Probably wouldn't believe me anyway and she'd think it was a joke.

Our conversations continue for almost four months. They get more and more intense. Its wonderful. I can just be myself and not have to worry about what I say. As crazy as it sounds, I think she knows me better than I know myself. And the crazier part is- I think I know HER better than she knows herself.

I know she feels this connection too. The pull there is between us. This bond- I haven't even met her or heard her voice and I already love her. As if I always had. A beep from my computer interrupts my thoughts, indicating that she's entered the room.

Angelsgirl4ever: Sorry I hope I didn't keep you too long.

Buffylover909: It was worth the wait. *kiss*

Angelsgirl4ever: Mmmm… I can taste that one. I don't deserve it though, I was late.

Buffylover909: Yes you do! You are such a wonderful, vivacious, talented, sexy girl…

Angelsgirl4ever: Sexy?

Buffylover909: You know you are.

Angelsgirl4ever: *sigh* No one's ever made me feel this way.

Buffylover909: Well you are… BTW- I got that little surprise in the mail.

Angelsgirl4ever: *blushes* Really? So what do you think?

Buffylover909: Its amazing… the story and the ring. How did you ever get that picture of the claddagh ring?

Angelsgirl4ever: I took the picture with my digital camera and then sent it to you. Well?

Buffylover909: Well what?

Angelsgirl4ever: The ring- I mean will you….

Buffylover909: *playful smile* Check your email.

Angelsgirl4ever: Oh! Its so beautiful! Does this mean…

Buffylover909: Yes, wife. We're married…sort of. Are you okay with this?

Angelsgirl4ever: I am if you are! I hope you know that I really love you… I know its been such a short time and we've never really talked but- I feel so close to you.

Buffylover909: I know. So do I. *leans in for a soft, tender kiss that deepens into a smoldering hot breathless battle between their lips*

Angelsgirl4ever: Oooh… Gosh I can't even see or hear you and you're making me so…

Buffylover909: *teasingly* What?

Angelsgirl4ever: *teases back* Well, what do you think? *pulling her mouth away from his and goes straight for his neck- using her tongue to suck and caress him all the way down to his chest*

Buffylover909: Wait a sec.

Angelsgirl4ever: Where did you go?

Buffylover909: It was getting hot and I took off my pants. Honest, that wasn't a come on.

Angelsgirl4ever: *smiles seductively* Really… Hmmm… Now that we have your pants off, what are we going to do?

The night is incredible. To some it may just have been some sex-crazed people being dirty, but to me- it wasn't

like that at all. I'm so close to her- and I want to let her know how much she means to me… I want her to know

all this before we meet in person.

But while I'm enjoying this expression, just being myself- I'm still a little scared. This might be the last night we're like this. Once she sees me… I wonder if it will be the same. I don't want to scare her off- I like did with Sarah…

Over the past few months, my thoughts about Sarah haven't gone away. I want to do everything right.… I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I didn't think there would be someone out there who I could love that would love me back. Me just for me. Before, I never thought I'd feel this way with anyone except Sarah.

When I talk to this girl, she somehow brings these feelings out of me. I've tried so hard to keep them burried- but she releases that passion within me. I'm romantic, sensual, and erotic all at the same time… Even though I'm not physically with her now, I still feel our love making is real. That feeling I've had in my dreams is true for me now… I never want to stop loving her… But time is not on my side. The night grows late and we're both much too worked up to type anymore. Finally we agree to meet each other at a small café near the WB studio lot. Its within walking distance of my house on the beach too. How am I going to tell her who I really am?

"Another cup of coffee please," I ask the waitress.

She nods her head and pours the dark liquid into my cup. I got here early to wait for her. Since she's supposed to have a red rose with her and that's how I'd know who she is. I wait for a few minutes and almost choke.

Freddie is here. I'm surprised. I look over to the booth he walks to and see that Sarah sitting at the table. Funny. I didn't see her when I came in. She must have taken a corner booth for privacy. She wanted time alone with him…I frown a little bit.

I still love Sarah. Heck, the girl I'm about to meet shares so many of the same qualities that made me fall in love with Sarah. Maybe this is a good thing- that Sarah and her boyfriend are here together. I won't feel like I'm cheating on either one of my girls.

"Freddie, don't be mad! Please," Sarah loudly begs.

I look up again and see him standing over her. I don't like how he's eyeing Sarah, as if he wanted to hurt her. I stand up and quickly run over to where they are. Sarah seems just as surprised to see me as Freddie does.

"What are you doing to her," I ask seriously, using my threatening Angel-ish tone.

"We were having a discussion," he merely said, darting back to Sarah.

My eyes turn back to Sarah. When our eyes meet a surge of electricity runs through my veins and all over my body. God, she's so beautiful. After we stare, she turns back to Freddie. Slowly, she stands up and stares her boyfriend straight in the eye.

"Look. I've tried compromise, I've tried to be understanding. I draw the line here! You don't accept that I have a busy schedule and you don't make me feel the way a girlfriend should feel! So I'm TELLING YOU- LEAVE ME NOW."

A frightened look crossed the young man's face and he merely nodded. He backed away from the table, and made a quick exit outside. When he leaves, Sarah plops down into her chair. She puts her hands on her face and I hear a slight sob. I sit down where Freddie sat gently rubbed her shoulder.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No," she said as she looked up, seeming to control herself. "I'm okay now. I just feel so stupid. I can't believe I didn't do this sooner… You know he's never made me feel wonderful at all."

"Then why did you go out with him?"

"I don't know. I was feeling kind of lonely," she said quietly.

"Well you can talk to me, if you feel alone," I said, still trying to massage the tension away.

"I know its just… Things are different now."

"Yeah… But Sarah, just because I'm on another show-"

"No," she quickly asserted. "Its not that. Things changed before you left the show…"

"Oh. You mean-"

"Yes! That's what I mean! David, why did you kiss me like that?"

Trying to form an answer, I shrugged and said, "I don't know. It just felt… Didn't it feel nice?"

"Of course it was nice! Damn, it was DEFINITELY BETTER THAN NICE," she said as loud as she could without causing a scene. "But why didn't you say anything to me afterward?"

I was shocked, "Y-y-y-ou, liked it?"

"Yes I liked it! David, I loved it. I LOVED YOU. But why did you never say anything to me?"

"I thought you were upset… I needed you so much…So I guess I just didn't say anything. I didn't want to hurt you. I love you."

"Don't pull an Angel on me here. David, I didn't say anything to you because you didn't say anything to me about the kiss."

My heart was leaping for joy. Then I remembered the reason why I was here. To add to this, another thought crossed my mind.

"You said LOVED. Does that mean you're not in love with me anymore?"

Sarah fidgeted with the straps of her purse before she said, "Yes and no."

"Yes and no?"

"Its complicated. I came here today to break up with Freddie… I sort of have someone new in my life that makes me feel beautiful and sensual- like I'm a goddess."

"Yeah…I kind of have someone too," I conceded.

"That's great… You really deserve that kind of love," she agreed, yet I could swear I heard a sigh of disappointment.

"You too, Sarah. I'm glad someone loves you just as much," I said, wondering if I should leave.

"Then its settled. We're back to being best friends again, right?"

I kiss her on the cheek as I get up and say, "Always."

I give her a hug while she's sitting down, but instead I accidently knock off her purse from the table. I bend over to pick up the small black bag, and that's when I notice something sticking out from the inside.

"A red rose," I whispered.

Sarah worriedly looked down, "Well… I'm actually going to meet them-"

"You're Angelsgirl4ever???"

"And you're Buffylover909," she gasped at the shocking revelation.

For a moment we just stare at each other… Then suddenly I see that marvelous smile of hers and hear her laughing. I join in with her as I sit back down. I finally catch my breath and she moves closer to me on the love seat style bench. Sarah leaned her head onto my shoulder, still giggling a little bit.

I gently put my head on top of hers. The smell of her hair is intoxicating. I slowly rub her arms and neck as I inhale.

"Mmmm… David, this is really wonderful. I love you so much…"

"I know. I just can't believe that- for months we've been writing stories about ourselves falling in love to each other…All the passionate tales," I say as I softly kiss her lips.

She slowly backs up, just a hair's length between our mouths. Enough for her to say to me, "What about all that OTHER stuff?"

I smile back seductively and whisper, "What about it? I meant everyone word. I love you."

She carefully and purposefully rubbed the back of my neck, as she said in a low breathy voice, "I love you too… But now that we're together- I'd like to see you prove it."

"But how will I EVER do that," I teased back.

"You've got a good imagination… I'm sure you'll figure something out," she said, kissing me again on the lips suggestively.

I moved to closer to her to deepen our loving exchange and found the pleasures of her tongue in my mouth. As our kisses grew more urgent, I pulled away to look her in the eyes. She had the same look I had at that moment…We both needed constant contact…Now. Without needing any more words, we got up and ran back to my house.

The rest of the afternoon and evening are beyond words. To be connected with her in every way is breath-taking. In a moment our clothes are a memory, tossed on the floor. As I massage her honeyed chest and lustfully suck her lower lips, I strive to enter her as deeply as possible. She feels the same pleasure and tightens her legs around my waist. I feel her back arching, and her legs pulling- taking me in deeper in her. I hear myself groaning at the same time my love does.

I could continue this forever…All I have to do is look at her or catch her scent and I'm enthralled all over again. She embraces me tightly, telling me she feels the same way. She looks up at me, and I brush a piece of hair from her face as I kiss her lovely mouth again. I lift my head up a little way from her so I can glaze at her whole face.

Her look reveals everything. She knows what I feel at the moment because she feels the same thing. I want what she wants. Sarah begins to speak to me again, in-between our heated kisses.

"I know what you're thinking… And I'm glad too, that we can be with open with each other," she moaned as she rose to lick my chest.

"Ooooh…Sarah, you're everything to me," I screamed back, knowing how she liked it when I yelled out.

"David, mmmm… I've never stop loving you," she moaned back.

Our bodies continued to tease and please the others. As our love making goes on, we know the pleasure doesn't come from just our physical bodies. The love washes over us because now we've both totally exposed ourselves. This heavenly feeling comes from us being natural and honest- from knowing that we don't have to pretend to each other.

And that's what fuels us deeper…Let our minds go and our bodies will follow…

THE END

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